text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[heavyhitter]

see that's a really good point! they gotta have SOMETHING somewhere right? i'm just wondering what kinda crazy shapes they come up with

also: the what

[evantuality]

And for the first time since I got here I'm glad I don't have internet access here because morbid curiosity would oblige me to google 'deer dick'.

THAT SAID, I mean. Ask the locals? Or just go to the baths and you know, peek. They already think we're all weirdos, I'm fairly certain.

The lava tubes, i.e., how these guys can live here and not get periodically wiped out by eruptions. Apparently there are tunnels all under the island that route magma away from the village when it shows up. I peeked during the hurricane but it was, you know... pretty wet down there at the time. It's probably cleared out now. I've been itching to go myself.

[heavyhitter]

i already decided i don't want to bang any deers, i'm not going to go around peeking at their junk
but hey if you're interested feel free to go ahead and report back

think there's anything worth seeing down there?

he's not so good at portmanteaus

[evantuality]

Then I question your commitment to unravelling the mystery of deer dildos. Deerdos? Dildeers?

They're lava tubes, I'm sure there's got to be something interesting down there. It might even offer some clue about what's been happening with the volcanoes here.

[heavyhitter]

don't sweat it we got that part worked out: dildoes
haha

anyway yeah i guess, but if there's dead people down there you owe me something nice

[evantuality]

oh. oh deer, that's awful.

How about a fresh new cadaver for a detailed anatomical study? By some peoples' definitions that would count as 'nice'.

[heavyhitter]

nnnno
that'd be fucking awful

[evantuality]

Spoilsport.

How about this: if we find treasure, you can have it. It's all yours.

[heavyhitter]

lava goes down there what treasure could we possibly find

ugh but fine

[evantuality]

You never know, maybe that's where they keep their dildoes when they're not using them

[heavyhitter]

hey no need to pile on the tunnel dildoes i'm already convinced, can't get much more raring to go

[evantuality]

I like to hedge my bets.

I'm going to do some poking around tomorrow, maybe the next day depending on what I can find in terms of rope. I'll ping you then?