( video | un: 10-65 )

[construing]

[ on-screen: ( 1 ) gwen stacy, a completely normal college student, wide-eyed, frowning. this is serious. a tragedy in motion. ]

I know we're all busy what with smashing bugs, do they even still count as bugs when you can spike them like a football? [ gwen stacy, asking the tough questions, ] but I have an emergency. See this? [ she holds up a cell phone in front of her face. the background reads "THE MARY JANES." the eagle-eyed will note the battery symbol in the corner: warning red. ]

This is my life. Not only is it my life, it's sitting at less than 10% charge so if I don’t get a charger for it pronto, I will literally die.

[ """""""literally.""""""" ]

Somebody has to have one. Help me, Samsung-Juan, whoever you are. You're my only hope.

[ other people have questions starting with "how" and "why" and "what the actual f—" gwen stacy, however, has #priorities. ]

Comments

[boneafide]

Give it a nice funeral.

[construing]

[ her life truly is a joke. the absolute heights ( or would it be depths? definitely one of the two ) of absurdity. the kind of life where one of her closest friends is a cartoon pig with spider powers who likes to eat corn dogs.

( she doesn't care how much spider-ham claims that it's not cannibalism. it's disgusting and horrifying, and she is never inviting him to any meal. ever again. ever. )

gwen smiles, a pressed lip gesture trying to hold back a desperate laugh at further proof that her life is so fucking stupid, and more than a little surprised that he didn't take the opportunity for a skeleton pun of some sort ( strip it down to its bare bones; call someone on the telebone; really, not one? )

she tips her head. ] Please be my friend.

[boneafide]

[Look. He'll do puns. He'll do all kinds of puns. But skeleton puns specifically feel more like Sans territory. Maybe he'll make a joke about how she seems to be dialing up the drama about her phone. Or how perhaps instead of using her phone, she needs to find another outlet.

But she's said the magic words of "please be my friend" and now he's screaming. Like, actually yelling, with excited shaking fists and little bunny hops of excitement.]

AAAAAAAAAAA!!

[Clearly, the best first impression.]

YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS, SO QUICKLY?? I MEAN, OF COURSE YOU DO, BECAUSE I AM GREAT, AND WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME!! But- wow!! So fast!!

[construing]

[ gwen flinches at the sudden change in volume. rather than regret her choice of words, however, ( she might regret it later ) this is the final nail on the this-is-amazing-and-she-needs-to-call-him-her-friend-yesterday coffin. ]

Gotta seize great opportunities as they come, right? What are the chances of this meeting happening again?

[ and it'll be mutually beneficial. gwen gets to expand her life experiences in newly ridiculous directions and papyrus gets someone to fill the sans-skeleton jokes space left behind. which she would have done even with sans present lbh. ]

[boneafide]

[He's so excited. He's ascendent levels of excited. He loves making new friends. He loves it even more, when other people propose to be friends first. Because sometimes he feels like he's being pushy, and he wouldn't want that... But to have someone so impressed with him, they would ask to be friends, so quickly?? ]

Well, if time was reversed, then there's a very high chance of this happening again! But yes! Yes, I accept! Your offer of friendship!! I- I don't even know your name!! Mine is Papyrus!

[construing]

Yes. Yes, there would be.

[ even over the network, his glee proves contagious. almost despite herself, gwen keeps smiling. the reality of her situation hasn't yet sunk in. when it does, at least she'll have this moment to point back to and say yes. this happened. she might have gone completely insane somewhere along the line and never noticed, but hey. how else could she have befriended an actual talking, bad joke-cracking skeleton? ]

My name's Gwen. I just got here this morning so you are actually my first friend.

[ …she might be checking if skeletons are capable of weeping under intense emotion. ]

[boneafide]

So I'm first?? I never get to call first!

[ No, papyrus, you can't call First on friendships. Except, I guess, right now? Right now is probably the only time this will occur. He's not weeping yet, no, but if he had eyes, one might think he had stars in them. ]

Well, friend-Gwen! Welcome to Oska!! It's pretty awful right now, but it's less awful than other places I've been, so by that comparison, it's actually really nice!

[construing]

Yeah, I heard the icky, bitey things are new.

[ and she right on time for them :| yay :| :| ]

You been here long?

[boneafide]

[Haunted By Bugs: an autobiography by Gwen.]

Oh, no, not long! Only a year!! Maybe less than a year. Coming close to a year!!

[construing]

[ gwen makes a face. ]

Uh…I don't know if time passes differently for skeletons, but for humans that's a long time. Has no one gone back home?

[ not to mention, a year? trapped in an alternate universe? it sounds like every nightmare gwen didn't let herself have when she, herself, was the one trapped several universes away from home. she fiddles with her sleeve. ]

[boneafide]

Oh, no, people have gone home!

I think. I... My brother isn't here, and he used to be, so it's very likely he's back home! And it must have happened very suddenly, because, you know, he would have let me know!! So it happens. Suddenly. And without warning. To anyone.

[ He's making a face too, now. ]

[construing]

Oh. That's…comforting. [ not. but she's not enough of a jerk to point out how concerning that is. ]

That just means that when you do go home again, you'll have a lot more stories to tell him. Everybody's going want to hear the adventures of the great Papyrus.

[ and yes, when she says his name, she does fan her hands open as if she were introducing a magician. ]

[boneafide]

[That helps make him feel better. Look, you're a great friend to Papyrus already, Gwen!]

Y-Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking as well! I will get to tell Sans all about the amazing things I've done, like raise alien babies and crossed a desert, and got a new pet...!

[He's sure now, that this is how things will go down.]

Ahem! Gwen!! I have one, just one, very important thing to ask of you...

[construing]

[ raise alien babies??

is that related to the new pet??? ]

Ok. Shoot.

1/2

[boneafide]

[ Overall, no, it isn't. He's just lonely. ]

Do you...

2/2

[boneafide]

LIKE SPAGHETTI?

[construing]

I do, actually! [ she pulls another face. ]

You had to mention food. Now I'm hungry.

[boneafide]

GOOD!! Because you are in luck!! I am actually in the middle of making some right now!!

[Sure enough, if one looked at the background, he's in the kitchen.

The is also the beginnings of a fire, and black smoke.]

You can come down and have some, if you can find the kitchen!

[construing]

[ (；☉_☉) ]

Oh. Oh, great! I'll be right there!

[ with a fire extinguisher. or six. ]

But first, I think there's smoke.

[boneafide]

It's alright if you need to smoke before, although I should inform you, it's a bad habit!!

[construing]

[ (ლಠ益ಠ)ლ ]

No, there is smoke behind you! [ she even points for good measure. ]

Fire! Fire bad?

[ does the frankenstein schtick even…work…for skeletons…? ]

[boneafide]

[Papyrus turns to look at what he's cooking, and sure enough, there's fire.]

Oh, yes! That's part of the cooking process! There's always fire.

[He puts his hands on his hips and turns back to the communicator.]

Anyway, it'll be ready soon! Come by if you want some!

[construing]

[ yes, of course, fire is a part of the process. how could she not know that. ]

I'll be right there.

[ with ten fire extinguishers. no reason. ]

[boneafide]

[ Don't dash his dreams of having a fire sale where the sale is really just things on fire.

At least the fire remains on the stove. Like, all of the stove. But at least just the stove. He doesn't seem worried. ]