( video | un: 10-65 )

[construing]

[ on-screen: ( 1 ) gwen stacy, a completely normal college student, wide-eyed, frowning. this is serious. a tragedy in motion. ]

I know we're all busy what with smashing bugs, do they even still count as bugs when you can spike them like a football? [ gwen stacy, asking the tough questions, ] but I have an emergency. See this? [ she holds up a cell phone in front of her face. the background reads "THE MARY JANES." the eagle-eyed will note the battery symbol in the corner: warning red. ]

This is my life. Not only is it my life, it's sitting at less than 10% charge so if I don’t get a charger for it pronto, I will literally die.

[ """""""literally.""""""" ]

Somebody has to have one. Help me, Samsung-Juan, whoever you are. You're my only hope.

[ other people have questions starting with "how" and "why" and "what the actual f—" gwen stacy, however, has #priorities. ]

Comments

[construing]

[ ]

Okay, we're having two different conversations right now. Before we go any further, I need to know: are there smartphones in your universe? Not cell phones, not plain old phones. Though if you have to turn your phone to dial, that would explain a lot.

[secondnature]

I come from a place with an advanced space program.

Of course we have smartphones. I just don't sit on them all the time like other people. I don't really see the point. But let me guess—you really think all of that is vital to your existence?

1.2

[construing]

That same thing was true for Americans in the sixties, and cell phones didn't even exist then. [ a beat. ] I'm pretty sure. [ another beat. ] I'd google it, but I'm out of my coverage area.

Anyway, point is "technologically advanced" is as relative as the phrase gets so relax. Not everyone gets the same advancements at the same time.

[construing]

And in answer to your question…yeah. [ spoken to the tune of obviously.

it's real easy to guess what has been stated outright, buddy. people without advanced space programs can do that. ]

[secondnature]

I'm getting the feeling that we have a different perception of what advanced means.

But you're here, living, just fine, and your phone is dying.

You should get used to it.

[Zero sympathy.]

[construing]

You got shocked as a child, didn't you?

[secondnature]

No.

[construing]

[ gwen nods in understanding. ]

It's ok, I won't tell anyone. And I found a charger so you and your over investment can rest easy.

[secondnature]

I'm not overinvested. You're the one who needs your phone to survive. So, wouldn't you be the one with the problem?

[construing]

You know, you keep trying to argue a point, and I'm still not sure what that is.

[ what offends you more, pal: phones or hyperbole? so far it looks like a toss-up. ]

I have a charger to pick up, though, so you'll have to carry on by yourself.

[secondnature]

Fine. Go ahead and do whatever you want. I bet that charger won't even be much use on our next mission.

I hope you're prepared for that.

[He childishly ends the conversation to seem like he's happy to end the conversation.

So, there!]

[construing]

[ obnoxiously plays phone games at top volume in his general vicinity 😘 ]