Ah?

[Ban braced himself for more chiding, finding himself surprised when Papyrus flat out disappeared. He barely got what he said at the end, frowning inwardly and tossing his jewel to the other end of the roof in irritation.

When Papyrus showed up, he fed him a terse frown.]

What're you... [The moment Papyrus hugged him, Ban stiffened up. Many times before, Ban hugged Papyrus, but--it was different. He hugged him because he was a cool friend. It was difficult not to hug him for the hell of it.

But, for all he knew, comforting gestures were just an irregularity.]

...You're my friend, alright? That much I'm always gonna be grateful for--'cause, you're better than everybody else by a league, but--

[She was an irreplaceable, important person who wasn't just Ban's friend--she was his lover. Elaine was someone Ban couldn't think to find a substitute for. Arms hanging limp, Ban didn't want to return the hug quite yet. It seemed as if he didn't have strength in his body.]

Life without her doesn't feel right--like, nothin' tastes good. I hate bein' awake. I can't stand bein' alive.

[He never said it out loud, before. Ban had kept that one close to his heart for years.]

Plus... I can't even bring her back~. She's dead and I'll never die.