text | un: Sasaki

[ex_adept136]

Like a few others here, I'm among those who met the goddess Nalanni. And like others there are things I learned from having a conversation with her. First and foremost, I'd like to request some help in conveying a message she intended for her people.

She wanted them to know that she loves them, and that she knows they can go on without her.

At the time, I was struck with the thought that she'd considered her own passing a possibility. And now that I've seen mentions of slaying gods here, it seems she wasn't wrong. Maybe some of you know more than me, but I'm not convinced it's the only way. Having said that, I'm not blind to the reality that those are our orders, and that there are those who will follow them.

I'm more interested in helping the Nalawi. I gave my word that I would do whatever I could, and so... To those who are already making efforts to ensure the Nalawi are able to sustain themselves, whatever may come, I'd like to volunteer any help I can provide.

If anyone wants further information on the conversation I had with Nalanni, please let me know. I'm unsure how much would be redundant, since admittedly, I've picked up on recent developments here and there.

Comments

[ex_adept136]

I'd never heard of something like that before. Where I'm from I'd expect to find something like that in a novel, but that puts differences in some perspective. So great deeds are usually the qualifying criteria for people like that?

It sounds like one would be forced to stop thinking in human terms. It might just be my thinking, but that sounds like an incredibly taxing sort of job.

[To put aside personal beliefs that way, and act on what was deemed the best course. It's all theoretical to him, something he knows he can't fully relate to, but...

In some small way, he thinks he can, just a little. As someone who'd had it impressed upon him that he was a weapon to be used]

[ex_adept136]

True. I'd rather be clear on what's going on here than not, especially since as I understand it, we could be working with this organization for some time.

[ooc: Oh gosh, sorry about randomly switching fonts...]

[1300yen]

I'm not entirely sure, but I would imagine that they're on missions of their own.

[ex_adept136]

That would account for them, at least. Some of those especially skilled in my organization might get special assignments, though...

I still question why we don't have any more senior operatives with us. Is ALASTAIR possibly that small?

[1300yen]

Given how large Oska is, it seems unlikely that ALASTAIR would be that small. Perhaps there are so many missions and worlds that need help that we become too thinly spread out...

Although they do seem fond of giving us as little guidance as possible in order to test us at times. [The initial arrival in Oska was.... not great, to say the least.........]

[ex_adept136]

I've been hearing that they like to test recruits. Though without formal training, I have to wonder what basis their tests have. Evaluations can be very helpful in improving performance, but without close guidance and some kind of training curriculum it seems unfair to level a standard on people of such varied backgrounds.

At least, it seems to me, we're an incredibly diverse bunch.

[1300yen]

I couldn't think of a more diverse group if I tried. When we all come from not just different walks of life, but different worlds entirely, it would be hard not to be.

Which certainly makes the evaluations even more difficult to understand. For the previous mission, from what I saw, we were all graded as a group. There may simply be too many of us to make it feasible, but without some amount of individual guidance, I don't know how they expect us to improve.

[defenceless]

[more she doesn't say: she is trying to prove to him he should agree with the orders. she is trying to convince him it's the right thing to do.

it's for the mission, the teamwork, their bond as the entire group of recruits (and it's for him).

she's stubborn enough to know in her own way when to stop, though.]

Have your doubts, then. Continue with your investigations, if you will, and help the Nalawi. I wouldn't ask you to face a goddess in battle if you didn't want to do it.

You'll just get yourself killed that way.

[that nalanni "became a person" to him doesn't matter, either; she could insist on that, but she won't.

it's nice of him to wish her good health. she can respect that, and doubly so because of it, she isn't going to push the issue. but she also isn't going to thank him outright, because too tsundere for that]

You've done good work obtaining and passing on that message. I say "obtain" because I doubt Nalanni would have entrusted it to just anyone. That's not how goddesses work. I'm sure most of us will be able to spread the word. The Nalawi have looked to their goddess all along. Hearing her advice should be nothing but a comfort to them after what they've been through. It will give them closure.

[ex_adept136]

[He thinks he can see what she's trying to do - thinks he can see what some of the others are doing. It's not an effort he expected others to make, in the face of his doubts.

And it's unique to his experience that he isn't simply given orders from on high that he must follow, or otherwise face the inevitability of being destroyed.

Haise has no doubts that were conditions the same as in the CCG, he could not decline the task set before him]

This isn't to argue the point, but...I've fought many battles I didn't believe in, or didn't want a part in. Then as now, I can say that my heart wasn't in it, just in those cases, that simply didn't matter. I'm grateful that you and others took the time to speak with me, regarding this.

For those who will answer the directive, whatever their reasons are, I'll support them if there is some good I can do them. And I will help the Nalawi. At least in those areas

[He can feel like something other than a weapon. But he doesn't express that, and moves on to another thought without finishing]

I'm surely a novice in much of this. My world was vastly different than anything I've seen thus far with ALASTAIR, even if I'm familiar with being a field operative. I hope her words will bring them some solace, as she seemed to know what was to come.

[ex_adept136]

Collective evaluation? I could understand that where squads were concerned, if we'd had any. Unless we're considered a very large squad altogether.

Individual guidance does seem necessary, or it's difficult to make much use of a group evaluation. Something might be deemed lacking but if no one knows the potential sources of the issue, there isn't much that can be done.

Especially where the performance expectation isn't entirely clear, outside of fulfilling objectives.

[1300yen]

If we're all considered to be one squad, it makes me wonder just how effective that sort of grouping is. Considering how often others are transferred to other missions or new recruits such as yourself arrive, it makes for a very unstable squad simply in terms of who's here.

But so far, it simply feels like we're given free reign for the entire mission and then face evaluation afterwards. While it means we have plenty of opportunity and freedom to choose for ourselves, it's difficult to make a decision when the goals can be rather vague.

[ex_adept136]

That's a good point. I'm not unaccustomed to operatives shifting from one squad to another, or new recruits, but this does seem as though it's less organized than it should be. And most squads where I'm from are smaller units that often work closely together.

They could really stand to evaluate a structure like this, especially if they're setting certain performance benchmarks.

[dailydouble]

Then this is a large change for you. We never seem to be that organized.

[ex_adept136]

It does seem that way. I have to wonder if it doesn't generate more work for everyone, having this lack of structure.

[dailydouble]

Perhaps. Some do seem to enjoy the freedom of working as they wish.

[ex_adept136]

There's something to be said for that too, I suppose.

[dailydouble]

Until it comes time to listen to different opinions, I suppose. The loudest voices and those willing to act first often take the day.

[ex_adept136]

Has that been a pattern during missions like this, then?

[dailydouble]

Not yet. The objective of the last mission was more palatable to most, which leads to an entirely different sort of conversation.

[anti_altruisms]

Generally, yes.

[ There are exceptions, of course, but when aren't there? As for the rest of Haise's analysis...well. He's actually quite right. ]

To become a Heroic Spirit is to become a tool for another's use. We safeguard humanity, but we have no say over who summons us or why.

More often than not, we acts as weapons and nothing more.

[ So....yeah. Thinking in human terms doesn't really work. ]

[healplz]

Ask, and apologize if she's in the middle of something. [ He shrugs with a rueful smile. ] Can I meet you somewhere for this?

[ex_adept136]

Would you mind my asking what the objective was? I don't have much sense of any pattern yet, being as new as I am.

[ex_adept136]

[He may not be able to relate to the mystical nature of what's being described to him, but that last part...

That last part he knows quite well. For the CCG, he has the same role. Having been told this much, he knows the circumstances surrounding it are quite different, of course. The actions he was to take would never have such great significance]

I can imagine why it would take particularly strong people for that kind of role.

[At the same time, he can also imagine it would still be frustrating]

Thank you, for explaining it to me in such detail. I realize it wasn't the original subject we were discussing, but I found myself curious once it came up.

[ex_adept136]

Of course. [Considering he's having discussions with people, he's consider himself as having a little downtime here] Where should we meet up then?

[sengetsu]

Likewise. Even if we can't change anything for the moment.

[ooc: no worries!]