[ If anything, this is not how she wanted to do this. The reality of it is that she had been getting better at opening up about her own situation, one on one with others, but this is on another scale.
After all, she's one of the few who can understand the situation of the taxara well enough to give a statement on what it actually feels like. Even if she isn't ready, it feels like it should be said. Instead of trying to do this on her own, at least, she's putting these thoughts into text while holding onto Haise like a lifeline. ]
Some of you will already be aware of what I am about to say, though there are many I still have not been able to be more open about this to. I do not hide the fact that I have come to realise that my country, Novoselic, is not exactly a good place to be. Wars have waged, coups have been attempted, and even with my status as a princess I was unable to do very much to help my people there. There is a lot of gang warfare there, and I, myself, have been abducted twice by insurgents who were aiming to take control of the political system.
There is a lot that happened after that which is much more difficult for me to say.
Many are aware that I went abroad to study in Japan to an Academy named Hope's Peak. What they are not aware of, however, are the events that transpired months after my start at this school. A young girl, younger even than myself, had capabilities beyond what you can imagine. Alongside those capabilities, she also had a vision of absolute destruction for the hell of it. No motivations aside from her own desire to see despair befall the world.
My class was targeted to be used as a means towards this distruction. We were led into a trap, forced to watch our friend die as a process for brainwashing us. My mind was practically erased to be filled only with the desire for absolute despair for the next three years following that point. The amount of lives on my hands is unimagininable. Due to my status in Europe, and my influence there, the continent fell mostly because of me as well. I took the throne from my family, took our armies and had them lay waste upon the lands. My entire world is almost in an apocolyptic state, where people are either beating each other, shooting each other, or killing themselves for the pleasure that despair brings.
There is one organisation back home that is trying to fight against us, and they did manage to capture us. One of their newer members took a risk and "uploaded" us into a virtual world as a means to try and erase our minds of the brainwashing, and replace them with our personalities and what they knew of our memories from the past. This process was dangerous and risky as it had not been completed before. Sadly, it also failed. A virus of our "creator" was uploaded into the system and the virtual world that had meant to be a paradise was changed into a murder game. We had to kill one another in that world and keep it a secret. Any that murdered another and fooled the rest would be granted passage, and the rest would "die". We were lucky, those of us left in that world, that the same person who wanted to save us took the risk to fight the virus head on. The only reason I am cured now is because he gave us that chance, talked to us and asked us to take the risk of returning to our former selves once we knew what we had done. Those of us who did actually murder another in that game or were murdered are still unable to wake up and I am left wondering if they ever will again.
I admit, that I had wanted to stay there. I had wanted to pretend that none of what I had come to learn was real. To have your memories erased and learn that you have killed millions is not an easy task. It is even worse to have those memories erased and have them all return upon awakening, only to then find yourself in a different universe altogether. It is something I have to cope with every day, no matter how much I smile and pretend it did not happen, it did. I will never be forgiven, I may never forgive myself, but all I can do is my best to ensure nothing like it happens again.
I imagine for those infected with the taxara are no different, only in a way I envy the fact they may never have to remember the awful things they did.
None of it was their fault, and none of us can say what is the right or wrong way to handle the situation so that is not what we should be arguing about to begin with. We gave them a chance, it is up to them how they would handle it from that point. All I know is that anyone in that situation should be given the support they need.
Personally I sit in the middle of both sides, knowing that sometimes lives must be sacrificed to save others, yet also wanting to preserve life due to how little is left of it back home. There is no answer that is always right or always wrong, and it will always vary due to differing circumstances. All I want is for people on both sides to actually sit and understand this.
text | un: Princess (tl;dr i'm sorry but here goes)
After all, she's one of the few who can understand the situation of the taxara well enough to give a statement on what it actually feels like. Even if she isn't ready, it feels like it should be said. Instead of trying to do this on her own, at least, she's putting these thoughts into text while holding onto Haise like a lifeline. ]
Some of you will already be aware of what I am about to say, though there are many I still have not been able to be more open about this to. I do not hide the fact that I have come to realise that my country, Novoselic, is not exactly a good place to be. Wars have waged, coups have been attempted, and even with my status as a princess I was unable to do very much to help my people there. There is a lot of gang warfare there, and I, myself, have been abducted twice by insurgents who were aiming to take control of the political system.
There is a lot that happened after that which is much more difficult for me to say.
Many are aware that I went abroad to study in Japan to an Academy named Hope's Peak. What they are not aware of, however, are the events that transpired months after my start at this school. A young girl, younger even than myself, had capabilities beyond what you can imagine. Alongside those capabilities, she also had a vision of absolute destruction for the hell of it. No motivations aside from her own desire to see despair befall the world.
My class was targeted to be used as a means towards this distruction. We were led into a trap, forced to watch our friend die as a process for brainwashing us. My mind was practically erased to be filled only with the desire for absolute despair for the next three years following that point. The amount of lives on my hands is unimagininable. Due to my status in Europe, and my influence there, the continent fell mostly because of me as well. I took the throne from my family, took our armies and had them lay waste upon the lands. My entire world is almost in an apocolyptic state, where people are either beating each other, shooting each other, or killing themselves for the pleasure that despair brings.
There is one organisation back home that is trying to fight against us, and they did manage to capture us. One of their newer members took a risk and "uploaded" us into a virtual world as a means to try and erase our minds of the brainwashing, and replace them with our personalities and what they knew of our memories from the past. This process was dangerous and risky as it had not been completed before. Sadly, it also failed. A virus of our "creator" was uploaded into the system and the virtual world that had meant to be a paradise was changed into a murder game. We had to kill one another in that world and keep it a secret. Any that murdered another and fooled the rest would be granted passage, and the rest would "die". We were lucky, those of us left in that world, that the same person who wanted to save us took the risk to fight the virus head on. The only reason I am cured now is because he gave us that chance, talked to us and asked us to take the risk of returning to our former selves once we knew what we had done. Those of us who did actually murder another in that game or were murdered are still unable to wake up and I am left wondering if they ever will again.
I admit, that I had wanted to stay there. I had wanted to pretend that none of what I had come to learn was real. To have your memories erased and learn that you have killed millions is not an easy task. It is even worse to have those memories erased and have them all return upon awakening, only to then find yourself in a different universe altogether. It is something I have to cope with every day, no matter how much I smile and pretend it did not happen, it did. I will never be forgiven, I may never forgive myself, but all I can do is my best to ensure nothing like it happens again.
I imagine for those infected with the taxara are no different, only in a way I envy the fact they may never have to remember the awful things they did.
None of it was their fault, and none of us can say what is the right or wrong way to handle the situation so that is not what we should be arguing about to begin with. We gave them a chance, it is up to them how they would handle it from that point. All I know is that anyone in that situation should be given the support they need.
Personally I sit in the middle of both sides, knowing that sometimes lives must be sacrificed to save others, yet also wanting to preserve life due to how little is left of it back home. There is no answer that is always right or always wrong, and it will always vary due to differing circumstances. All I want is for people on both sides to actually sit and understand this.
Thank you for reading this.