I'm not sure how much weight it would carry here, in a place like this. Given the way most people seem to think. But as I say, at least it will make my intentions clear. I'll give it some consideration.
[And he means it, will probably write one, too-- it's too big a thing for him to trust to chance and the word of one person among the team, no matter the beginnings of trust that is flowering between him and the man with whom he currently speaks. Not when there exists here the risk that his wants will be overrided for the sake of a continued existence that he simply doesn't want, can't stand to think of. Something which he fears with every functioning part of him.
Haise's pessimism, that they have more in common in regard to their outlook than appearances would lead one to believe-- it remains unnoticed and unrealised by Giovanni. And often he feels quite oppositely in regard to his own solidity, sometimes feels more fractured and nebulous here than he ever felt back there, in that place of continuous darkness and death. The differences in people here, the outlook held by the majority, it's just too divergent for him to fully get to grips with, and sometimes he thinks he can feel himself slowly coming apart, becoming less and less, smaller and smaller, less distinct and ever more unknown to himself. Like falling down a deep dark hole with the circle of light ever receding, becoming impossibly out of reach.
He feels it now, twisting in him. There's a sick rush of panic held deep in the pit of himself and a sensation like metal bands snapping tight around his lungs, constricting him. Almost, it's discernible in the small outrush of breath he releases before he continues--]
Perhaps if we were able to divide ourselves into complimentary groups within the one team. those who fight, those who protect, and so on. But it would still require leadership of a sort, I would think, and like you I have no intention of attempting such a role myself. I was never meant for such things.
[Although this isn't true, his series were made to be masters, and this is his biggest, deepest flaw-- his subservience, his complete obedience to the one who made him. He was never meant to be this way, and yet it's in him too deeply to ever be dug out. A loyal dog, to the end.]
→ private
[And he means it, will probably write one, too-- it's too big a thing for him to trust to chance and the word of one person among the team, no matter the beginnings of trust that is flowering between him and the man with whom he currently speaks. Not when there exists here the risk that his wants will be overrided for the sake of a continued existence that he simply doesn't want, can't stand to think of. Something which he fears with every functioning part of him.
Haise's pessimism, that they have more in common in regard to their outlook than appearances would lead one to believe-- it remains unnoticed and unrealised by Giovanni. And often he feels quite oppositely in regard to his own solidity, sometimes feels more fractured and nebulous here than he ever felt back there, in that place of continuous darkness and death. The differences in people here, the outlook held by the majority, it's just too divergent for him to fully get to grips with, and sometimes he thinks he can feel himself slowly coming apart, becoming less and less, smaller and smaller, less distinct and ever more unknown to himself. Like falling down a deep dark hole with the circle of light ever receding, becoming impossibly out of reach.
He feels it now, twisting in him. There's a sick rush of panic held deep in the pit of himself and a sensation like metal bands snapping tight around his lungs, constricting him. Almost, it's discernible in the small outrush of breath he releases before he continues--]
Perhaps if we were able to divide ourselves into complimentary groups within the one team. those who fight, those who protect, and so on. But it would still require leadership of a sort, I would think, and like you I have no intention of attempting such a role myself. I was never meant for such things.
[Although this isn't true, his series were made to be masters, and this is his biggest, deepest flaw-- his subservience, his complete obedience to the one who made him. He was never meant to be this way, and yet it's in him too deeply to ever be dug out. A loyal dog, to the end.]