[He huffs irritably, seeming as though he's not going to answer for a long moment before he breaks his silence.]

We dated on and off for a year. I've never been more in love, but we were terrible for each other and I did awful things, so I broke up with him. Now he hates me and we're both miserable, but hey, at least he's still getting laid. Probably by like half the guys on this team.

Happy now?

[He hopes this makes you feel as horrible as he does.]