video; username: 82736775

[ricksybusiness]

[The video is carefully cropped so 82736775's face isn't visible, focused at chest-level. A chest that is clothed in a nebulously green fabric, incidentally (it's a dinosaur kigurumi).]

Hey, what up. So a-a-apparently nobody else is sick of sitting around and waiting for fake impossible "magic answers" to land in our lap with respect to our job. Remember that thing we're supposed to be doing? About the freakin' endless darkness plaguing this world? Yeah.

[His hands come into frame, holding a beat-up metal tube with a bunch of science-looking shit stuck to it, like some lights and buttons and stuff. Maybe there are some exposed wires but don't pay any attention to that.]

This... is a telescope. I'm showing it to you in case you come from a world where they're called something dumb. Like a sky-tube or something, I dunno. Just trying to mitigate stuUUuuurr-- stupid questions.

I have an ass-load of these things and I can make more. If you're wondering how, the answer is I'm a genius. [He lowers the telescope.] They're all hooked up to my, uh... something I have; th-th-that -- that's not important. The point is, I need volunteers to take these things out to the highest vantage points around, aim them at the sky, and take readings.

[One finger goes up.] First, if you don't know how to look through one end of a thing and listen for beeps, you're too stupid to use these so don't even ask. Go hit some shit with rocks, that's pr-probably more your speed.

[A second finger goes up.] Don't use them to be peeping toms. This is science, not an excuse to be a gross purrrrr-- perv.

[A third finger goes up.] This all needs to be at the same time. In a few days, the sky should be clear enough for a decent reading across the b-- urrrp -- board.

Serious inquiries only. I'm not here to dick around. Name a place and I'll drop off the machine.

[The hand throws up the sign of the horns before the video ends.] I'm out.

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Comments

[heavyhitter]

Hey, that's handy. [ hopefully he likes looking at boobs, then ] So yeah, sign me up! I'm all over it.

[ricksybusiness]

[In specific situations!]

Maybe you missed the part where you just made it ob-obvious to me that you're going to creep on people. No.

[heavyhitter]

Whaaat, come on, I wouldn't do that. I was just curious! You'd have to be some kind of idiot to creep on people when it's all going straight to you.

[ricksybusiness]

Uh-huh. [So very, very flat. Rick may or may not just automatically everyone he interacts with is an idiot to begin with.]

Fine. I don't care enough to argue. Where you wanna meet?

[heavyhitter]

[ score ]

Works for me. Clock tower, goblin side?

[ricksybusiness]

Whatever. One second.

[Almost literally one second, thanks to his portal gun. "Clock tower" isn't exactly a jumping place like a tavern or a boarding house, so he doesn't bother asking what she looks like.]

[heavyhitter]

[ what, she didn't mean immediately. she did, however, pick that location out of laziness, since she was just headed past it, so it's just a matter of a quick double take, then a hurry across the street toward him. she does tend to stand out from the locals, too, looking like she stepped out of an 80s punk fashion magazine. ]

What the hell, you teleport?

[ricksybusiness]

No. [Not technically!

He doesn't feel like elaborating, though, instead just holding out the dinged-up, duct-taped-together telescope that is now hers. You're welcome.]

How are things in the Tyrell Corporation?

[Because. Her clothes.]

[heavyhitter]

[ She takes the telescope with zero hesitation (but loads of skepticism) and is about to start in on it, mainly on how awful it looks, but his question sidetracks her. She blinks, staring at him instead.

Blankly: ] What?

[ pop culture is hard ]

[ricksybusiness]

[Pop culture is a hard habit to break, more like! Rick just rolls his eyes a little.] N-never mind. You know how to use this?

[heavyhitter]

[ she shakes her head. whatever, she didn't really care anyway!! ]

I know I'll figure it out. [ She looks down at the thing again. ] If it even works. Did you have to make it look so shitty?

[ricksybusiness]

Fuck you, it looks shitty. [Rick yanks a flask out of his lab coat and angrily!!! unscrews the cap.]

I'm working with limited materials, here. Maybe you didn't notice but it's all medieval times up in this bitch.

[heavyhitter]

Yeah, I guess. Kinda sounds like an excuse to me. [ She eyes the thing doubtfully for a few seconds more, then up at him: ] Who are you, anyway?

[ricksybusiness]

[These people, so entitled! Rick drinks from his flask as she looks the telescope over again, then wipes his mouth off on his sleeve.] Rick. I'm trying to keep a low profile so don't use the name on the psychic interface deal.

[heavyhitter]

[ That gets a grin coupled with a snort. ]

Really? Why? [ and that's definitely in the tone of why would you put that much consideration into anything, not a genuine curiosity. ]

[ricksybusiness]

M-maybe I don't want people bugging me to make them shit all the time. [The price of celebrity!]

[heavyhitter]

[ does he make shit on command?? well ramir at least will be bugging him to do it from now on. she files that tidbit away with a suddenly bright smile. ]

Sure. Your secret's totally safe with me. [ if his name gets spread around there's like a 95% chance it was her ]