video; username: 82736775

[ricksybusiness]

[The video is carefully cropped so 82736775's face isn't visible, focused at chest-level. A chest that is clothed in a nebulously green fabric, incidentally (it's a dinosaur kigurumi).]

Hey, what up. So a-a-apparently nobody else is sick of sitting around and waiting for fake impossible "magic answers" to land in our lap with respect to our job. Remember that thing we're supposed to be doing? About the freakin' endless darkness plaguing this world? Yeah.

[His hands come into frame, holding a beat-up metal tube with a bunch of science-looking shit stuck to it, like some lights and buttons and stuff. Maybe there are some exposed wires but don't pay any attention to that.]

This... is a telescope. I'm showing it to you in case you come from a world where they're called something dumb. Like a sky-tube or something, I dunno. Just trying to mitigate stuUUuuurr-- stupid questions.

I have an ass-load of these things and I can make more. If you're wondering how, the answer is I'm a genius. [He lowers the telescope.] They're all hooked up to my, uh... something I have; th-th-that -- that's not important. The point is, I need volunteers to take these things out to the highest vantage points around, aim them at the sky, and take readings.

[One finger goes up.] First, if you don't know how to look through one end of a thing and listen for beeps, you're too stupid to use these so don't even ask. Go hit some shit with rocks, that's pr-probably more your speed.

[A second finger goes up.] Don't use them to be peeping toms. This is science, not an excuse to be a gross purrrrr-- perv.

[A third finger goes up.] This all needs to be at the same time. In a few days, the sky should be clear enough for a decent reading across the b-- urrrp -- board.

Serious inquiries only. I'm not here to dick around. Name a place and I'll drop off the machine.

[The hand throws up the sign of the horns before the video ends.] I'm out.

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Comments

[ricksybusiness]

In theory.

[hideyourself]

as a man of science, you must be up for an experiment.

[ricksybusiness]

Not without compensation.

[hideyourself]

how about my eternal gratitude??

[...... yeah that totally wasn't going to fly.]

[uuuh--]

i'll aid in the stargazing efforts! or how about some telescope security??

[ricksybusiness]

Sungazing. [Though technically the sun is a star but shut up.]

You'd have to come up with something more than that, if I did have a battery.

[hideyourself]

are you serious? come on...

data entry! coordinating! fielding questions! field samples of nearby foliage! hair dye that matches your hair!

[ricksybusiness]

[ARE YOU SUGGESTING BLUE HAIR ISN'T NATURAL]

Look, if I do YOU a favor, then EVERYBODY is gonna want a favor. What kind of business model is that?

[hideyourself]

[listen it was looking a little grey at the edges, better to bring back that vibrant cyan sooner than later!!]

there must be something you'd want! research into the scientific roots behind people's magic? more fairy goo?

[he's almost desperate.]

i've got some nice tunes on my phone... i could share.

[ricksybusiness]

Oh my god. I'll tell you what, I'll work on it. It might take me awhile but I'll rig something up for you.

But you're now my permanent lab assistant.

[hideyourself]

[that........ Didn't sound too bad?? Actually that sounded downright nice. Especially if he got some charge before doing anything.]

[suspicious.]

are you for real?? thanks, man! really! anytime you need some background music, i've got your back! i'll work up something for your lab, too.

in the meantime... i'd like to help with this sungazing-- if you currently had lab work to do, i'm guessing you'd ask.

[ricksybusiness]

[YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT BEING RICK'S LAB ASSISTANT ENTAILS, HIDE.....]

Yeah there's nothing right now. Once I get the data back from these chumps, I'll have some work for you, though.

[hideyourself]

[NOTHING CAN GO WRONG WITH THIS ARRANGEMENT.]

understood, sir!! i'm looking forward to it.

[ricksybusiness]

I don't blame you. [Science is great and science via Rick is double-great.]

Do you want one of these things?

[hideyourself]

yeah, i'll take one! i know just the place.

[ricksybusiness]

Which is...?

[hideyourself]

castle roof! those spires reach high and it's already on a hill.

unless someone shows up with a steady levitation ability, or you have a better place in mind.

[ricksybusiness]

No, I don't care about that. I meant where do you want me to leave the telescope?

[hideyourself]

aw, c'mon, i thought my places were good. but another special delivery, huh? you run fast for an old guy... [it made someone wonder at his humanity! or if he was even running.]

abel inn's entrance works.

[ricksybusiness]

Consider this one a freebie. [Though honestly, he probably should have thought ahead to charge for delivery... oh well.]

Is everyone staying there or something? Is there a memo I missed?

[hideyourself]

their beef stew is delicious, and breakfast is included in the rent!!

so, yeah, probably, a lot of people are staying there. i can't even think of where else you'd go for such a deal.

[ricksybusiness]

Okay, whatever. Simmer down, Seinfeld. [Rick is not about to reveal where he is staying, if that was an attempt...!]

It'll be waiting for you in a minute in the lobby.