video; username: 82736775

[ricksybusiness]

[The video is carefully cropped so 82736775's face isn't visible, focused at chest-level. A chest that is clothed in a nebulously green fabric, incidentally (it's a dinosaur kigurumi).]

Hey, what up. So a-a-apparently nobody else is sick of sitting around and waiting for fake impossible "magic answers" to land in our lap with respect to our job. Remember that thing we're supposed to be doing? About the freakin' endless darkness plaguing this world? Yeah.

[His hands come into frame, holding a beat-up metal tube with a bunch of science-looking shit stuck to it, like some lights and buttons and stuff. Maybe there are some exposed wires but don't pay any attention to that.]

This... is a telescope. I'm showing it to you in case you come from a world where they're called something dumb. Like a sky-tube or something, I dunno. Just trying to mitigate stuUUuuurr-- stupid questions.

I have an ass-load of these things and I can make more. If you're wondering how, the answer is I'm a genius. [He lowers the telescope.] They're all hooked up to my, uh... something I have; th-th-that -- that's not important. The point is, I need volunteers to take these things out to the highest vantage points around, aim them at the sky, and take readings.

[One finger goes up.] First, if you don't know how to look through one end of a thing and listen for beeps, you're too stupid to use these so don't even ask. Go hit some shit with rocks, that's pr-probably more your speed.

[A second finger goes up.] Don't use them to be peeping toms. This is science, not an excuse to be a gross purrrrr-- perv.

[A third finger goes up.] This all needs to be at the same time. In a few days, the sky should be clear enough for a decent reading across the b-- urrrp -- board.

Serious inquiries only. I'm not here to dick around. Name a place and I'll drop off the machine.

[The hand throws up the sign of the horns before the video ends.] I'm out.

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Comments

[beyourrock]

[Pearl frowns at him and snatches up the telescope, looking it over with a critical eye.

She doesn't say anything for a long time. But she does wrinkle her nose in distaste, and cringe.]

Charming.

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick belches in response.] Yeeeeup. Exactly what I was going for.

[He finally turns around to face her completely, setting the tankard down and folding his arms over his chest.]

You need instructions?

[beyourrock]

I know how a telescope works.

[She mutters as she turns the device in her hand a few times before she carefully observes the exposed wiring.]

I don't need instructions. Just point it at the sky and look into it. You said you'll be compiling the data later, right?

[ricksybusiness]

[Do you, Pearl? DO YOU??

Rick's mood has obviously shifted to something less manic in just the short time since their network conversation, and he just rolls his eyes.] Yeah, 'just look into it.' Whatever. Yes, I'm compiling the data. I'm not a huuurp-- hack.

[beyourrock]

[She wrinkles her nose at his belching and suddenly regrets her life choices as she glances down at the telescope. A little work on it wouldn't be too terrible.]

And you'll inform us of all of the compiled information?

[ricksybusiness]

Yes, mom. Y-you gotta learn to trust people, P-dawg. P-skillet. [He grabs the tankard and sort of waves it in the general direction of the bartender.] Yoooo, my drink's empty.

[beyourrock]

It's Pearl.

[She stores the telescope in her sash.]

Or should I start calling you, Rick? [She says pointedly. Loudly. Causing a few heads to turn.]

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick deflates a little, glaring at Pearl sidelong.] P-point taken. Look, just don't bring that shit up on the magic bracelet thing. Call me whatever you want in p-person.

[beyourrock]

[Pearl crosses her arms over her chest with a small huff.]

I won't, as long as you call me by my proper name.

[ricksybusiness]

Whoaaaa, blackmail, huh? I didn't know you -- didn't know you had it in you. Color me imp--impressed. [The bartender finally comes over to refill Rick's drink. Rick slumps down over the counter.] Thank yoooou.

[He glances backwards at Pearl.] A-alright, so. Anything else?

[beyourrock]

[YOU BETCHA. However, Pearl shakes her head as she stuffs the telescope into her sash.]

No, I think that will be all. But I am curious to see what information comes back from this whole stake out.

And... thank you, for putting this all together.

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick waves over his shoulder vaguely. He's either dismissing the notion of thanks or dismissing her curiosity.]

Y-yeah, well. Surrrr--somebody had to do it.

[beyourrock]

Well that's it. You did something. More than what most would have done, even among the natives. So I sincerely thank you for that.

[Pearl states sternly, to make sure her sign of gratitude wasn't brushed aside. She even bows her head a little before turning her back to him, pulling up her hood.]

I'm guessing I won't see you during the stake out?

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick doesn't say anything to that, just impassively lets her insist on thanking him. He's not really in the mood for soaking up praise right now; it's not modesty, but rather a sudden surge of complete apathy. It happens.]

Probably not. I'm sure I'll be urrrrrp busy.

[beyourrock]

Alright then.

[She offers him a small smile and a wave before she turns to exit the tavern.]

Take care. I can't wait to hear of the results.