video; username: 82736775

[ricksybusiness]

[The video is carefully cropped so 82736775's face isn't visible, focused at chest-level. A chest that is clothed in a nebulously green fabric, incidentally (it's a dinosaur kigurumi).]

Hey, what up. So a-a-apparently nobody else is sick of sitting around and waiting for fake impossible "magic answers" to land in our lap with respect to our job. Remember that thing we're supposed to be doing? About the freakin' endless darkness plaguing this world? Yeah.

[His hands come into frame, holding a beat-up metal tube with a bunch of science-looking shit stuck to it, like some lights and buttons and stuff. Maybe there are some exposed wires but don't pay any attention to that.]

This... is a telescope. I'm showing it to you in case you come from a world where they're called something dumb. Like a sky-tube or something, I dunno. Just trying to mitigate stuUUuuurr-- stupid questions.

I have an ass-load of these things and I can make more. If you're wondering how, the answer is I'm a genius. [He lowers the telescope.] They're all hooked up to my, uh... something I have; th-th-that -- that's not important. The point is, I need volunteers to take these things out to the highest vantage points around, aim them at the sky, and take readings.

[One finger goes up.] First, if you don't know how to look through one end of a thing and listen for beeps, you're too stupid to use these so don't even ask. Go hit some shit with rocks, that's pr-probably more your speed.

[A second finger goes up.] Don't use them to be peeping toms. This is science, not an excuse to be a gross purrrrr-- perv.

[A third finger goes up.] This all needs to be at the same time. In a few days, the sky should be clear enough for a decent reading across the b-- urrrp -- board.

Serious inquiries only. I'm not here to dick around. Name a place and I'll drop off the machine.

[The hand throws up the sign of the horns before the video ends.] I'm out.

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Comments

audio;

[ricksybusiness]

[At least he's enthusiastic! Rick appreciates this, given that half the people are giving him shit about irrelevant things.]

Baller. I already had one set aside for you, kid.

[twinpeak]

[ You know how to make a kid happy, Rick. ]

Great! Do you want me to come get it? I can get started right away!

[ricksybusiness]

[Can he just promote you from sidekick to lab assistant, Dipper. Hideyoshi is a demanding little bitch, not a good quality to have in an assistant at all.]

W-whoa, slow your roll, champ. This needs to be a coordinated effort. No lone wolves on this one.

Buuuuuut, I could show you how it works. Give you a real behind-the-scenes peek.

[twinpeak]

[ ... Going too fast here! Got it, got it. Dipper has a bad habit of going miles a minute when he's really into something, and impressing a guy like Rick and his particular brand of knowledge happens to be one of those things. There's something in Dipper's demeanor that manages to immediately halt and then manage to reel himself back, yet he still lights up at the offer. ]

You'd do that? I'd—love that, actually. Are you using your computer for this, too?

[ THAT THING IS STILL AWESOME. ]

[ricksybusiness]

Computer? I don't know what you're talking about. [DIPPER. Dipper. You are really bad at this.]

Where you at? I can answer better in person.

[twinpeak]

—Huh?

[ But......

Dipper's puppydog levels of bouncing enthusiasm come to a grinding halt in favor of blinking dumbly. Come on, he remembers you were more than willing to brag about the thing to him, Rick, what's the big deal?

With a tone far more level than before: ]

I'm at an inn, it's over at...

[ Ok pretend you're getting an exact location here because idfk where Riza's room is exactly. ]

=> bustin in riza's place;

[ricksybusiness]

[Dipper must have the most sensitive soul in the galaxy, Rick has decided. Look at him all kicked-puppy over here.] Got it. One sec.

[Rick is actually already in the area, so he doesn't bother using his portal gun. In a few minutes, there is a knock at the door! Who could it be???]

[twinpeak]

[ GEE WHAT A MYSTERY.

The knock comes a lot sooner than he expected, but within a few moments Dipper cracks the door open, opening it wider when he sees who it is. ]

—Oh, you're here! Uh—come on in? Better than hanging around in the hallway.

[ricksybusiness]

[Yes, it is better. Rick casts a furtive glance around the hall, holding a telescope out to Dipper as he steps inside the room.]

Right. Here...

[twinpeak]

[ Giving only a cursory glance out the door after Rick, Dipper slides back into the room (a mostly neat, spotless place, save for some of his belongings strewn across his bed) before gingerly taking hold of the telescope. ]

This is it?

[ It looks even more beat up in person than it does over video. ]

[ricksybusiness]

[Et tu, Dipper?] Y-yeah. Problem?

[twinpeak]

—No, no, none at all!

[ He tries clutching it with a little more spirit behind it. ]

Iiii bet it works great! Maybe you should show me how it works, huh?

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick stares at Dipper for a second, deciding if he should let that go... which he eventually does, shrugging.]

Fine. Here. [He motions for Dipper to turn the telescope.] There's a switch here. And here -- is a readout screen, though if you don't know anything about astronomy, don't worry about it.

[twinpeak]

I know plenty about it, actually!

[ Which isn't a lie, but he wants to sound impressive too... Sorry about this tryhard. Anyway, Dipper obliges, flicking the switch experimentally. Look at this technology. ]

[ricksybusiness]

[Plenty about it, yes, he is so sure. Tryharding isn't impressive, Dipper!!

Anyway, yes, the telescope sure does turn on when he does that. Rick waves at it vaguely, reaching inside his coat.]

Not much to it, but I can sh-show you what it's hooked up to. [Which is his mini-computer, incidentally, that he produces from an inside pocket. Rick then remembers that he told Dipper to shut up about it just now, so maybe he is owed an explanation --]

This is kind of a secret, by the way. I don't need people knowing I have access to something like this.

[twinpeak]

[ Oh. That explains that. Dipper looks sheepish as his mistake belatedly dawns on him, but in the next moment he nods once. ]

... Right, sorry about that. Guess I wasn't thinking when I mentioned it.

[ricksybusiness]

Well, now you know. [Unspoken: don't fuck it up again!!] Y-you gotta-- you gotta learn to be more suspicious, kid. These magic bracelet things, I don't know who can read it. We could be broadcasting across the galaxy for all I know.

[With that comforting thought in mind, Rick moves on, angling the mini-computer screen toward Dipper. There are various read-outs on-screen: graphs and charts and scrolling text. It's a lot of information to take in all at once, and only one telescope is on right now. And it's not even pointed at anything particularly interesting.]

Any-anyway, so they're all wirelessly connected to this deal. Read-outs here, here, and here...