video | text, un: uruz

[uruzology]

[ The scene presented via jewelry is within one of the many rooms of the newly refurbished Oska castle. A centaur stands next to the cheerfully roaring fire, presenting a matchingly cheerful smile. ]

It looks like you’ve all lived, although that was a little close there, for some of you. Good work! I knew you could do it.

Now, as you may have noticed by Oska looking quite well around you, the last week was a false reality. Don’t take it personally, that happens to everyone here eventually. We have to make sure recruits are up to snuff. You’re a bit unique as a whole team of greenhorns, though. To be quite honest, I’ve never seen this activity done on such a large scale before. It was impressive, wasn’t it? And don’t worry, any trinkets you may have come across are quite real, and yours to keep if you want them.

So then, to business. I’m Uruz. I’m familiar with some of you already, although I’m afraid that’s one-sided in most cases — I spent a fair bit of time in there with you, but none of you saw me if I was doing my job right. ALASTAIR has asked me and my compatriots, Dagny, Crowley, and Cherenkov, to review your performance within Chantes and rate your work. It’s quite a big job, our to-do with worlds, and we want to make sure we’ve got trustworthy recruits. I’ve attached that for you, please do give it a glance.

dagny: Well, the king died. So that's... not the best. From what I hear, things are kind of chaotic there right now, what with the whole 'no government' thing and all. And a lot of you got in a ton of trouble with the law. But you did work together! Most of you, anyway. People died and the city got destroyed, but I know you all did your best, so you get points for effort. I give you an... eight. Point five. No, nine out of ten. But that's as high as I'll go, because, you know. The murder and death.

Don’t feel bad, though, there’s always room for improvement.

crowley: Your refusal to work with the goblins’ natural talents for magic was disappointing. I foresaw much potential there, and it was wasted on your muddying things up with politics. On the other paw, your dispelling of demons and other magical creatures was serviceable, if a little last-minute. 5/10.

cherenkov: I stopped paying attention after you all brought the sun back. Because that's what matters, doesn't it? You didn’t do badly for a bunch of apes, but don’t get distracted by the diplomatic nonsense next time. Ignore the cow and the knife-eared one. Spend the time improving instrumentation, not making friends. 8/10.

uruz: You did make an attempt. You got engaged and cared to deal with their issues, which, well, we'd really have an issue for concern if not. And you did very nice work on a personal level, to bring together goblins and humans. They'll not be moving in together any time soon, but they're on the right path. But really, did you have to murder the man? He'd just killed the king, to be sure, but taking a life has serious consequences, no matter whose it was. It sets you on a path it can be difficult to step off of. But overall, acceptable. 6/10.

There we go. On a final note, I’ve been asked to let you know that you’ve got some time to spend in Oska before your next assignment, which is to Nalawi. A lovely place, I’m a bit envious. Enjoy your downtime, and again, good work! I’ve very high hopes for the lot of you.

[ The network is now back up again along with Oska being restored and the weather events ended, and you can find a full description of current Oska right here. Feel free to use this post to thread on, and the NPCs may make a few appearances for direct questions. ]

Comments

[runningjoke]

Don't listen to him, Steven. He can go fuck himself.

[ This is the opposite of helping. ]

[jamminshield]

[Normally this would be the most heartwarming thing ever but now Steven just looks horrified at what she said; his face twists the moment she utters that word.]

What?!

[runningjoke]

What?

[jamminshield]

P-Peridot...

...You...

...You said the word!!

[runningjoke]

...Fuck?

[jamminshield]

[Steven squeals and claps his hands over his ears.]

You said it again!!

[runningjoke]

People here say it all the time!! That guy you're talking to says it all the time too!!

[jamminshield]

But that doesn't make it right! That guy's a meanie zucchini so of course he says that! But... You're Peridot!

[runningjoke]

Pearl said it too.

[jamminshield]

Wh-what? Pearl would never...!

[runningjoke]

She did. I heard it myself. Do you think I'm lying, Steven?

[jamminshield]

Of course I don't think that! B-but... I Pearl wouldn't say that either...!

[DOES NOT COMPUTE]

[runningjoke]

Ask her.

[ricksybusiness]

Hey, Peridot. H-hey. Hey.

Fuck you.

[runningjoke]

Fuck you, clod!!

[ricksybusiness]

I gotta teach you more insults. Call me an asshole next time.

[runningjoke]

An "asshole" is what you call someone, and not an action phrase, like "fuck you," right?

[ricksybusiness]

[God... Peridot is such a light in the dark horseshit that is Rick's life.] Y-yeah, it's a noun. It's, like... somebody who's obnoxious as fuck and just pisses you off so much you wanna punch 'em in the face.

[runningjoke]

[it takes a shitlord to make another shitlord happy apparently. ]

...So, Pearl's an asshole.

You're more... someone who is annoying, and I want to trip, and then kick before you can recover. What's the word for that?

[ricksybusiness]

[Rick laughs. Oh, Peridot. Never change.] Uh, you could go with dick. Or jerk, if you w-wanna be more PG about it.

[runningjoke]

Dick it is!

What does "PG" mean?

[ricksybusiness]

Uh, it's like a less offensive way of putting things.

[runningjoke]

Why would I want to do that? If I'm going to be on the offensive, then I will use the right type of words!

[ricksybusiness]

[He's not going to bother to explain, actually.] Ha haaaa, you got a point. Sh-shine on, you batshit Gem.

[runningjoke]

I am very shiny, yes!

[Calling a Gem shiny is a very high compliment, don't you know.]