futurology | video | username: NAILS | sometime after powers go all cray

[ oh hey alastair. 'sup. how's your day going? probably loads better than badou's, if the sudden video broadcast of what has to be the saddest image to grace this freaky network is of any indication. he's on the ground somewhere outside, probably deep into the island's forests from the look of all the dirt and greenery, but it's kinda hard to focus on the setting when you factor in the rest of him.

real talk? he ain't looking so good. bruised, beaten, and bleeding, he looks like he got into a fight with a demon-possessed blender and, not only did he lose, but that blender pretty much made him its bitch.

speaking of — son of a bitch that hurt. and not just in one area, either, it was one of those great "all over even where the sun don't shine" kinda pains and it's a wonder he hasn't cried or died from it already. he looks on the verge of it though, both of those, probably gonna be at the same time but for now, for the blessed moment of now, he manages to keep it together. ]

So, uh. s'There a doctor in the house?

[ help, he's fallen and he can't get up.

he's moving, at least, if the stilted way he tries to wiggle a hand into one of his pockets can even be counted as "moving." it takes him far too long, with a lot of guttural muttering, but eventually he manages to fish out a single cigarette. this he shakily lifts up to his mouth, which unfortunately bobs precariously since he can't seem to stop talking. ]

Preferably one that ain't gotta wave a wand at me, f'you catch my drift, I'm thinking I reached my """"magic"""" quota for the day, thanks. [ bitter? who? him? ] Just a head's up — if walk in on a blue tattooed thing wandering 'round looking like he might wanna murder ya, SPOILERS he's gonna wanna murder ya so, y'know, don't.

[ shaky hands bring up a lighter, and the flame comes dangerously close to his nose as he tries to light the cigarette hanging from his lips. ]

Sonuvabitch made me waste an entire magazine on him too, where the hell am I gonna get more of that 'round here, huh—

[ he cuts off suddenly, watching in horror as the cigarette falls from his mouth, landing uselessly beside his head. it seems the last of his strength leaves him in that moment, his hands also falling uselessly to his sides.

he draws in a deep, shaky breath, staring up blanking into the sky. for a second, just silence.

and then, in a glorious wail— ]

I FUCKING HATE IT HEEEEEEERE!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't pretend this is some kinda act of benevolence????!?

But you're not lonely now, are you? You also shouldn't exclaim with so much enthusiasm if you're trying to conserve your strength. I can practically count the punctuation marks here.

If you're just in the market to watch something die, I'm pretty sure you can find some sad shark along the shore or somethin'.

Sharks don't get sad. And even if they do, they can still scare off fishes. On that note, how's the doctor fishing going?

I wasn't talking about their feelings I meant more like their state—

[ HANG ON HE ISN'T GONNA ARGUE SEMANTICS WITH YOU ]

It's going shitty, how do you think it's going? Wouldn't kill ALASTAIR to recruit someone who knows their way around a band-aid, that's all I'm saying, shit.

Maybe it's not going well because you're being too scary. Like a sad shark.

You're not as funny as you think you are, brat.

Just pointing that out. Where are you chilling?

[ ..."chilling?"

edna pls. ]

Someplace real green.

[yeah but if he's lost a lot of blood he should definitely be losing body temperature, hence 'chilling']

The trees could have told me that without making any noise.

[ omg that's even worse ]

Well fuck I dunno, lemme just pull out my handy lil' map here and—

[ yeah, he hadn't moved at all. ]

Well would ya lookit that! Musta forgot it in my other pants.

[reality tends to do that...]

Are you gonna tell that to an actual doctor who might answer, too?

[ .............................................. ]

There's a river to my right and the sun is at my back. I'm in some kinda clearing where the mud's real dark but mostly dry and there's some kinda birds singing overhead.

[ dryly: ] Better?

I guess you tried. You still on Komo? That's the island we first landed on, in case you forgot or suffered some brain injury. Also where the lava tunnels are.

[aka his favorite indoor climbing spot, clearly.]

Yeah I can see your precious lava tunnels in the distance.

They're flattered you remember them. Suppose I'll let the stench do the rest.

[ he frowns. ]

Do the rest of what?

[ water u talking about edna ]

Try to not croak for real in the meanwhile. But you probably won't, so I guess the saying 'too stupid to die' can actually be legitimate.

[she meant he stinks (of cigs) so that's another clue to his whereabouts... but no not gonna bother explaining that one.

and yes, she's implying what she seems to be implying. he's gonna get visited soon...]

Edited 2016-05-07 15:30 (UTC)

[ badou just gives the screen a bewildered stare... which is probably just what she wants, given her backwards way of implying what he thinks she's implying.

still, the very idea seems so absurd that he can barely even bring himself to finish the thought, let alone entertain it. ]

In the meanwhile of what?

[ it might be the blood loss, but then again she was just this confusing and frustrating the first time around... ]

Edited 2016-05-07 17:27 (UTC)

[there's a somewhat longer pause before the next text reply.]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[BASICALLY...]

[ what ]

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

Isn't it cute? Much cuter than your yelling. Or you, Baddie. (◡‿◡✿)

[at least it sure sounds like he's 1000% alive... he sure is lively, if nothing else.]

I'M HANGING UP. This ain't gonna be the last thing I see, if I can help it!

Oh, don't worry. It definitely won't be, not at the rate this is going. Where are you wounded, anyway? You sure don't sound hurt like this.

[probably because she's the one who keeps poking/provoking him with a stick, big surprise...]

Everywhere. Does everywhere count?

[ but that's badou's shounen power, really. the ability to make a big thing out of nothing, and nothing out of a big thing.

if he wasn't crying and bitching about this on the network, then he would have probably already succumbed to his injuries. ]

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