text | un: Sasaki

[ex_adept136]

Like a few others here, I'm among those who met the goddess Nalanni. And like others there are things I learned from having a conversation with her. First and foremost, I'd like to request some help in conveying a message she intended for her people.

She wanted them to know that she loves them, and that she knows they can go on without her.

At the time, I was struck with the thought that she'd considered her own passing a possibility. And now that I've seen mentions of slaying gods here, it seems she wasn't wrong. Maybe some of you know more than me, but I'm not convinced it's the only way. Having said that, I'm not blind to the reality that those are our orders, and that there are those who will follow them.

I'm more interested in helping the Nalawi. I gave my word that I would do whatever I could, and so... To those who are already making efforts to ensure the Nalawi are able to sustain themselves, whatever may come, I'd like to volunteer any help I can provide.

If anyone wants further information on the conversation I had with Nalanni, please let me know. I'm unsure how much would be redundant, since admittedly, I've picked up on recent developments here and there.

Comments

[defenceless]

We've had recruits—including myself, before—theorizing on those possibilities since it became clear the goddesses were a problem some time ago. Still, nothing we've thought of would neutralize the goddesses while ensuring the greater world lived on for as long as it could.

I value all lives just the way I should, but that doesn't mean I won't snuff one out even if that person would spare me in return, if it's what had to be done.

[it may not seem like it, but this is a lie. she has the anger and the power to kill, she's not some pacifist—but killing itself is an act that, in all actuality, would weigh very heavily on her heart.]

My point is that we have no reason to feel attached to this goddess, and that's especially true if you only arrived on this planet recently. Why else would someone oppose the deaths of the goddesses, unless at their core, they wanted to just come out of this with a solution where nobody died, and everybody ended up happy? This is a serious mission. Not all lives can be saved.

Second-guessing ourselves here will be disastrous for the Nalawi.

[ex_adept136]

I've acknowledged from the start that decisions were already made, and held no expectation of changing them. Whether I agree with orders ultimately doesn't matter - but all the same, I don't agree with them. If you're hoping I'll be convinced that it's the right thing to do, my doubts remain.

Whenever possible, I'll look for ways not to end lives. I've been called too soft for that, but I've also lived with the reality that my personal beliefs don't always have much bearing on outcomes before I was brought to this place.

While I understand not feeling any sense of connection to Nalanni, I spoke with her. And I felt I had a sense of at least some small part of who she was. To me, then, she became a person rather than an obstacle. Unfortunately I see no way that I can do anything more for her but relay the message she asked me to, and so I've resolved to that, and whatever else I can do for her people.

But I won't participate in destroying her. From what I've gathered, there isn't a shortage of volunteers where that is concerned. If you believe it justified, and that's the course you pursue, then I wish you good health.

It's the best I can offer, on something like this.

[defenceless]

[more she doesn't say: she is trying to prove to him he should agree with the orders. she is trying to convince him it's the right thing to do.

it's for the mission, the teamwork, their bond as the entire group of recruits (and it's for him).

she's stubborn enough to know in her own way when to stop, though.]

Have your doubts, then. Continue with your investigations, if you will, and help the Nalawi. I wouldn't ask you to face a goddess in battle if you didn't want to do it.

You'll just get yourself killed that way.

[that nalanni "became a person" to him doesn't matter, either; she could insist on that, but she won't.

it's nice of him to wish her good health. she can respect that, and doubly so because of it, she isn't going to push the issue. but she also isn't going to thank him outright, because too tsundere for that]

You've done good work obtaining and passing on that message. I say "obtain" because I doubt Nalanni would have entrusted it to just anyone. That's not how goddesses work. I'm sure most of us will be able to spread the word. The Nalawi have looked to their goddess all along. Hearing her advice should be nothing but a comfort to them after what they've been through. It will give them closure.

[ex_adept136]

[He thinks he can see what she's trying to do - thinks he can see what some of the others are doing. It's not an effort he expected others to make, in the face of his doubts.

And it's unique to his experience that he isn't simply given orders from on high that he must follow, or otherwise face the inevitability of being destroyed.

Haise has no doubts that were conditions the same as in the CCG, he could not decline the task set before him]

This isn't to argue the point, but...I've fought many battles I didn't believe in, or didn't want a part in. Then as now, I can say that my heart wasn't in it, just in those cases, that simply didn't matter. I'm grateful that you and others took the time to speak with me, regarding this.

For those who will answer the directive, whatever their reasons are, I'll support them if there is some good I can do them. And I will help the Nalawi. At least in those areas

[He can feel like something other than a weapon. But he doesn't express that, and moves on to another thought without finishing]

I'm surely a novice in much of this. My world was vastly different than anything I've seen thus far with ALASTAIR, even if I'm familiar with being a field operative. I hope her words will bring them some solace, as she seemed to know what was to come.

[defenceless]

[he's not interfering with them, which is above and beyond what she could hope for from some of her colleagues. she doesn't acknowledge his little side-explanation in text, doesn't even express gratitude for it or apologize, and that's because it's a bad idea to appear weak—like a pushover.

the pause in his thoughts is strange, especially over the jewels, but it's too vague for her to make much out of it.]

Different is par for the course with ALASTAIR, so I'd get used to it if I were you.

Now that's the intriguing part, about her resignation to her fate. I'm assuming Nalanni must uphold the same values our organization does.

[ex_adept136]

[Adaptation is doubtless the name of the game now. There's nothing for the circumstances but to get accustomed to them, since they're expected to fulfill their roles within ALASTAIR for the time being. Not doing so could have consequences he'd rather not become familiar with.

Even now he wonders if any will come of the decision he's already made, but he'll take things as they come]

I appreciate the advice.

Whether she holds the same beliefs or not, she does prioritize the Nalawi. It seems they mean more to her than her own life does, and if that is so, she may not resist the directive to end her existence.

Though I grant my meeting with her was brief, and so that's simple conjecture for now.

[defenceless]

Hmm. It's looking more and more like willful suicide might come into play. Or if not that, she'll only facilitate her death in front of those of us who go to face her and take her life.

Can you tell me about her appearance? I haven't seen either of these goddesses, so it's difficult to picture them.

[ex_adept136]

I wonder if the goddesses of this world are capable of that - of extinguishing their own existence. If anything...she seemed to be waiting. At the time, I thought she was waiting for someone to help her.

[And the greater part of him still wants to believe that - to believe that Nalanni's hope hadn't flickered out and died at some point well before he ever crossed paths with her...

But another, nagging part of him knows that if she was aware of the situation, she may well have reached the same conclusion he would if in such a position]

She appeared to be a woman with a body of flame. Under that, her body seems to be made of stone. That, or she may be capable of changing the composition of her body in that way.

[defenceless]

She may be doing just that—waiting for someone to rescue her.

Someone to kill her is another possibility. I wouldn't put it past a goddess to be cowardly enough to make a mortal do all the work. It also may be exactly as you say: they're prevented from eliminating their own existences because of an obligation in their very form.

I see, so she's a fire-and-rock woman. That fits. Maybe in the past, she was bigger, larger. A literal volcano, like the Nalawi envision her.

[ex_adept136]

I suppose the answers may become clear soon enough... Or they may not. She seemed forthright when responding to questions, even the ones that didn't cast her in the best of lights, but I don't know if such inquiries would come when people are carrying out their directive.

[So they might never know the truth of some of these matters, left only to speculate and wonder]

It could be the case that her form changed, or that she dwelled in a volcano. A goddess being able to change form doesn't seem out of the question, bearing so much else in mind.

[defenceless]

Correct.

Can you give me a brief account of what questions you asked, and what her answers were?

[ex_adept136]

Yes, I can do that.

I asked her why she was imprisoned, first. Her response was that she'd been imprisoned by someone who had suffered because of her. Afterward, the question of how long she'd been there. While she expressed that it wasn't long to a goddess, she felt quite a bit of ill had happened during that time.

When I asked if she was knew what was happening in the world, she claimed she could feel the greater events. I also asked who had imprisoned her, and her answer was Pomarr, through means provided by her sister goddess. Following that, I questioned if stopping Pomarr would be enough to free her, and she felt that was the case. Also, that her sister wouldn't intervene.

What else...? Ah, I asked if there was any further information she thought to be of use. Nalanni mentioned that Pomarr had gained a great deal of borrowed power, and that she doubted mortal force would be enough. She also doubted Pomarr could be reasoned with, as a result of her anger, when I asked about that.

After that, she asked if I could convey a message for her, the one I shared here.