futurology | recipe oo1 video; UN: Prince

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recipe oo1 video; UN: Prince

[The video opens to a curious little squidge face. At least before he's being picked up placed pointedly on a rock next to a scowling Sanji. There's some muttered grumbling (and a quick wrestling match) between father-figure and squidge as Emergency Rations 2 decides he's not done trying to steal center stage, but it eventually ends with Sanji quite literally drop kicking the armor-plated little brat to the side before turning and giving the broadcast a quick wave.]

Yo, Audentes.

Since it looks like we're almost at the final stop, I have something to propose: [He holds up a finger, grinning around the unlit cigarette in his mouth.] a feast. We've put up with these brats for too long, we all deserve something. And I know some of you idiots probably still haven't adjusted to a vegetarian diet. [Here's looking at you, Monkey D. Luffy.]

Once our group gets to the endpoint, I'll be setting up a few things. So if you have any supplies you want to hand over, I'll make something from them. [He pauses, smirks, and leans towards the jewel.] And if any other cook thinks they can keep up, I won't say no to extra hands.

Let me know if you're planning on bringing anything in particular or have any dietary needs. [There's a quick flash of blue, and Sanji's scowling down at his squidge again-- the damn troublemaker's managed to climb back up and is reaching for the broadcasting ring. Again.] Oi, you shitty cabbage, don't tou--

[Aaaaand that's the end of that.]

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The captain claims you are an exceptional cook.
I expect to be impressed.

[nOT YOU AGAIN]

I don't cook to impress idiots.

Then I have high expectations.

Hmmm~. I'm somethin' of a chef, myself. [Ban stood still in the middle of a field just as Lump ran several circles around him. Ban's cloak blew up each time, the little squidge becoming something of a blur.]

If you need the help.

Do you think anyone's going to have any meat leftover?

[He's Dying.]

I never said you wouldn't be impressed, just that I don't care about impressing assholes like you.

[Not that he wouldn't turn down the chance to shove his cooking in this annoying ninja-samurai's face.]

You are? [Oh, now Sanji's even more curious about this guy.] Seems like there's more than a few in this group. That's good, I was worried some of these idiots wouldn't know how to keep themselves fed if they were locked in a pantry.

[He grins though, actually letting ER2 crawl up to get a better look at the squidge running laps around Ban.]

If I couldn't cook a meal for at least a hundred people at a time, I couldn't call myself a pirate chef. [He reaches up, plucking that unlit cigarette from his mouth and rolling it between his fingers instead.] But it's been a while since I've shared a counter with another chef.

Besides, I think this brat wants to race yours. [He's gesturing towards the little blue squidge zipping back and forth on his end of things. ER2's grown up to be just as competitive as his dad.]

Aaaa? Is there something wrong with what you've been eating?

[It's a trap, Luffy. You've walked yourself right into a trap.]

[??????????????????? What are you doing to that squidge, Sanji. Never mind the food, there's child abuse that needs to be reported here.]

"Shitty cabbage"?

[She'll get to the dropkicking in a minute.]

I-I don't know, I wouldn't really call it "putting up" with them...

[ because?? SHE LOVES SAPPHIRE ;n; but she also likes sanji and she doesn't want to insult him and she's not naive enough to not realize that not everyone has had a good experience with these squidges (cough sieglinde cough)...

sooooo let's focus on something else!! ]

But—! If you need any help, Chef, I would love to offer my services.

That is fine.
I do not expect much from idiots like you.
I cannot imagine how well your squidge has progressed under your "care" if you treat it like that.

Luffy has much to praise about your cooking. I foresee that it will not be terribly exciting.
Adequate at best, perhaps.

holy shit YEAH
throwing in everything i got left, a+ plan

[Serene is looking very dubious at that offer]

Do you mean that you intend to create a non-vegetable feast, or that you will be teaching us all to enjoy vegetarian fare cooked by an experienced chef? I still have half of a winefruit, but I will not be contributing it if you'll be tainting everything with dead animals.

[It's a trap and a better part of Luffy might know it, but he's a man who thinks with his STOMACH and they both know it.]

There's been no meat!!
Plants and vegetables and berries--without meat, I'm starting to lose all of my strength!

[Trips headfirst into trap.]

Oi! What kind of asshole demands food and calls their cook an idiot?!

[God he hates this guy]

If you're already listening to Luffy, then you might as well believe him, too. The kid's too much of a hopeless moron to lie about shit like this.

It'll be the best damn food you've ever had.

Idiot! [Sanji has a sudden need to kick you in the head again, captain.] You're still walking and have enough energy to complain about it, don't you?

You're fine, so quit acting like you're dying!

[You know, Sanji might have been about to respond to this rationally. But as soon as he sees the visage in front of him, he feels struck down! Feels the ache of an arrow of love and longing deep in his chest, as if cupid himself had pierced his heart with the mere image of the woman in front of him!]

Oh! A cabbage that wilts in the presence of someone who shines so bright. A simple, dull thing that's completely eclipsed by the radiance of--

[He doesn't get to finish, if just because ER2's decided to get some revenge of his own, climbing his dad easily enough with his long arms in order to grab fist fulls of Sanji's hair and yank.]

Ow! OW! YOU LITTLE BRAT!! [... from the delighted squealing of the squidge, this is clearly a regular occurrence.]

Ah~! Olivia-chan has such a big heart!

[Sanji looks ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED about everything Olivia's saying, no matter how awkward Olivia might be feeling about it.]

A beauty such as yourself would light up any kitchen. And I could never turn down a lady's offer to help.

[On the bright side, the squidge doesn't seem to be particularly traumatized by the rough behavior and name-calling ways of its deplorable parent. On the not bright side. whatever scant good favor Sanji might have been trying to curry disappears just as fast as Sanji's squidge in grabbing fistfuls of hair.

Riza watches the entire affair with some disdain, speaking up only when the squidge's happy cries mellow out.]

...Do you need a hand?

[(Is she supposed to be impressed by this display?)]

Ah, I see someone knows how to properly plan a feast!

[Unlike most of the other assholes here.]

Any requests?

[While Sanji is so very tempted to melt all over the vision that's just contacted him, the actual importance behind the food questions are keeping him grounded. For now.]

If you have non vegetables you want put in anything, I'd be happy to cook with it, mademoiselle.

[... Okay, so he had to get a little flirting in.] A cook's job is to be able to keep their crew well-fed and healthy, no matter what ingredients they're working with. If anyone still has meat with them from Oska, I can make sure it stays separate from everything else.

[By the time the two idiots are done wrestling, ER2 is sprawled over Sanji's head, still clutching at his hair and gurgling happily.

Sanji, meanwhile, is doing his absolute best to ignore the fact that he has a fat alien infant as a hat right now.]

From a wonder such as yourself? I would rather have company than ask you to expend energy on something so trivial.

[Someone please punch this idiot in his stupid mouth.]

[That doesn't even make any sense. What kind of mindless person is she speaking to....]

I hardly think our mandated mission falls under a heading of 'trivial.'

[She cares more about the alien hat than the man right now.]

A feast?!

[Okay, so Sorey has hardly been starving during all this, thanks to Sanji and Mikleo, but even so, he can't not all but light up at the prospect.

Before quickly deflating a little in concern.]

Cabba--everything okay?

[Please let the goo baby be okay.]

The kind who realizes that the cook is a moron and intends to ensure he knows it.

No, he would not lie.
But he would also eat just about anything put in front of him.

We will see about that.

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recipe oo1 video; UN: Prince

text; un: okami

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video; username: baaaan

video; un; CAPTAIN

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video | username: olivia

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text, @TARANTO

video: @SERENE

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video; @shepherd

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