Video; un: CDR.PEEPERS

[opticnerd]

[The video feed turns on, and there is one giant eyeball, staring right at the screen. Woah, maybe someone put the magic jewelry communicator too close to their face?

Wrong.

Even as the individual pulls back from the communicator, it's still just one eyeball. In fact, it's the only feature on said individual's face- because it's his entire face. His whole head is just an eyeball, with a helmet placed on top.

A little quietly, he talks to himself;]

I don't think I know anyone here… Or that anyone here knows me…

[He rubs his eyeball-face for a moment, and sighs. If it's possible for someone with just an eye to look angry and upset, he's certainly managing it well. And now, with his voice speaking at a more proper volume:]

I understand that I have been kidnapped. I understand that there is supposedly no escape, etceteras.

That isn't a problem. What is a problem is that somewhere, maybe in a galaxy far, far away… Lord Hater is completely unsupervised!!

If this ALASTAIR organization is dedicated to protecting anything at all, then I need to be returned to where I was taken from immediately! He is a completely unstoppable force of mayhem and destruction! He blows up moons when emotional! He is unrelentingly evil and powerful! And I, Commander Peepers, am the only one capable of making sure he doesn't just randomly land on a planet and conquer it's civilians, forcing them into submission and slavery!

[This is certainly one way to describe what happens.]

It is imperative that I find a way to return- with or without ALASTAIR being the one to do it!

And so, I am looking for…

[And at this next word he knows he has to say, he nearly upchucks before saying it.]

Helpful and … nice people to help me construct a ship.

If you have any expertise in this, respond!

[Ahem.]

…Thank you.

Comments

video

[fintastic]

[ Finally, someone as non-human as her... she looks so excited with her fins all perked up and a big smile. She doesn't even think to ask about the non-humanness, and just kind of accepts it. ]

Oh, pick me! I can help you! I know a lot about ships!

[opticnerd]

[ S Q U I N T S

... No, no. He's trying to play nice. ]

Yes? What do you know? Construction, engineering, piloting...?

[fintastic]

[ How do you even squint when you are just one eye, explain that.

But she gets the gist of it anyway. ]

Hmm... I could probably draw up some plans! What do you call them...? Oh yeah, blueprints!

[opticnerd]

[ Look, there's an eyelid. ]

You know, what I could really use is someone who can find me the right materials...

AUDIO. UN: LOKI

[selfimage]

[ there is something more important happening here. ]

You said your name was Commander Peepers, is that right?

[ because he totally takes talking eyeballs by ear. whoops. ]

[opticnerd]

Yes. Do you recognize me?

[ Which he's hoping the answer is NO for once... ]

[selfimage]

No, of course not.

[ it comes out quickly, and then as a follow-up: ]

More so, it's a misnomer, why aren't you Commander Peeper? Single. One.

[ THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. ]

[opticnerd]

[ Seriously...? ]

... It's just my name.

video, un: southpaw

[reverseengineer]

....his name is Lord Hater.

[The fact that she's talking to someone who is all eyeball doesn't really worry Pidge very much, though the fact that he's an eyeball named Commander Peepers is similarly.... on the nose. Which this eyeball guy doesn't have.]

Are you fighting him alone?

[opticnerd]

[Well, he never said he was FIGHTING him. But this sort of intentional misleading was what he was aiming for. Congrats, Pidge, you fell for it!!]

I'm the only one who keeps him in line, yes.

So... help me?

[reverseengineer]

If I had a way out of here, I'd already be gone. [She scowls, adjusting her glasses as she peers at him.] We've got our own dictator to contend with... Emperor Zarkon. And there's a whole seven of us fighting against his universe-spanning empire.

1/2

[opticnerd]

Universe-spanning empire? That's impressive!

[NO, WAIT-]

[opticnerd]

...ly bad!! Impressively bad! I don't envy you.

video; un: redlion

[secondnature]

[Huh, this whole thing sounds incredibly familiar—except for the talking eyeball part.

That is weird.

Then again, he's seen creatures that are both cute but he's really unable to put a finger on what they look like, so ... talking eye. Talking eye it is.]

ALASTAIR doesn't have its priorities in order.

But if someone gets you a ship, let me know.

[opticnerd]

What, do you think I'd take you with me?

[secondnature]

No.

[Though the thought did occur to him. Still—]

I just want to know if I can get one.

[opticnerd]

Also not interested in staying with ALASTAIR, then?

How about a deal? You help me either get a ship, or make one- and you can have it after we reach my real ship.

video;

[slapfight]

[this level of desperation is only okay when she does it.] If it were that simple to construct a ship, no one would still be here.

video;

[opticnerd]

[Oh, it's on.]

And how many attempts have you made?

video;

[slapfight]

[like donkey kong.

INCOHERENT GROWLING.] That isn't the point. This isn't just a planet you're stuck on, you know.

[believe her, she argued with this point for about an hour when she finally got to talk to a senior agent.]

video;

[opticnerd]

It's another galaxy, or alternatively, another universe. That's what you were going to say, right?

video;

[wardance]

Lord Hater, huh... Can't imagine why them being unsupervised would be such an issue. [ yikes ]

[opticnerd]

I can't even imagine the amount of stupid things he's going to do with me gone. Probably fill the ship with hottubs...

[wardance]

[ whoa wait a minute. ]

Hot tubs?

[opticnerd]

Oh, uh.

... Probably very... dastardly hot tubs! Full of acid, or something!

Oh, that's not bad, file that one away for Emperor Awesome, Peepers...