video; un: steelsamayarai

[pummelling]

[The camera clicks on to Maya waving wildly in the halls of Oska. Jin is also in the room, standing… awkwardly off to the side, having clearly been strong armed into all this mess by the camera woman herself]

Hey guys! Especially new people! Jin and I are gonna do a virtual tour of Oska so you guys know where everything is!

[jin gives a half-hearted wave to the camera, he was trying to go to the library maya please let him live?????]

So here’s a door, and here’s a wall, and here’s--

[The camera tilts around, showing-- a ladder propped up against a wall, and she’s immediately distracted]

Hey, it’s a ladder!

[Jin, just visible in the background of the shot, turns to the camera with an eyebrow raised]

Actually, Maya, that looks more like a stepladder than a ladder.

[Maya’s been through this song and dance, so she just puffs out her cheeks a little bit!] So? What’s the difference? You need to stop judging things based off of narrow-minded cultural assumptions!

What’s so narrow-minded about it? There are clearly steps on it. It’s a stepladder. There’s a difference.

[oh no the ladder discourse] I’m telling you, it’s the same thing! Don’t get weird about this!! [like Phoenix did smh]

You’re the one who’s getting weird about this, they’re not the same! [does he actually care this much? Is he just arguing to prove a point? ARE THEY BOTH JUST TRYING TO PROVE A POINT………]

[Maya puffs her cheeks out like an angry hamster. Obviously, this is going to get them nowhere. She has to defeat him another way--]

You! Hey, you! [She points at the camera, yeah, she mean you, bub] What do you think it is?

[And thus the discourse begins… Is your character Team Ladder, or Team Stepladder?]

Comments

[catphishing]

Who's Nick?

[feytality]

My sidekick! [Don't be fooled, she's the sidekick] He's a defense attorney, but he's like this about ladders too. Worse, even. I really gotta keep him in line.

[catphishing]

I know the feeling. Defense lawyers can be a nightmare.

[Don't project your issues, Oliver.]

[feytality]

[okay talking shit about Nick takes priority over huffing at Oliver, so--]

Oh? Do you have one for a sidekick too?

[catphishing]

My ex was a law student. He was going into defense.

[Grumping about Connor is his #1 priority.]

[feytality]

.....

It's not Asher, is it?

[he's the first person who comes to mind, rip...]

literally threadjacks just for this

[pummelling]

Can't be. I'm the first guy Asher's ever dated.

[unless asher just has a thing for asian guys no one knew about????]

[catphishing]

It's not Asher.

[Please don't sound so disgusted when you're talking to his boyfriend, Oliver.]

[feytality]

[.... well, she gets it. Couch farts and all]

So who is it??

[share the deets Oliver]

[catphishing]

It doesn't matter. It just means I get it.

[Of course that answer probably also makes it obvious that she would know who it was. Which... there are limited answers.]

[pummelling]

[a pause, as the puzzle pieces slide together (and he rudely steals Maya's opportunity to guess.)]

So it's Connor.

[catphishing]

Was Connor.

[An important distinction.]

[feytality]

WHAAAAT?! You and Connor?!

[you're both doomed]

[she's also nudging Jin because they're both shameless]

So he was a big pain, huh? Gimme details!

[catphishing]

You don't need details. I was just trying to relate.

[He regrets this already.]

[pummelling]

You can't say that and expect us not to expect details.

[nudge away. he knows he's the worst.]

[catphishing]

Can't I? What details do you even want here?

[feytality]

ALL OF THEM!!

[this is a tag team effort]

[catphishing]

[He huffs irritably, seeming as though he's not going to answer for a long moment before he breaks his silence.]

We dated on and off for a year. I've never been more in love, but we were terrible for each other and I did awful things, so I broke up with him. Now he hates me and we're both miserable, but hey, at least he's still getting laid. Probably by like half the guys on this team.

Happy now?

[He hopes this makes you feel as horrible as he does.]

1/2

[feytality]

[Maya was not prepared for this..... she was expecting less depressing gossip]

W-What the heck! That's so sad!

[feytality]

[but then---]

JIN! There's no way we're gonna let this stand, right?

We're gonna work together and fix his love life!

[yall both screwed]

[catphishing]

[OH NO. This is the opposite of what he wanted from this.]

You don't need to do that.

[pummelling]

[OH NO IS RIGHT. Jin makes a face and takes a step back--]

Yeah. We really don't need to do that.

[feytality]

[Too bad, she's grabbing his arm]

[There is no escape]

No, we really do! He's lived through countless couch farts! [thanks to Asher...] We can't let him suffer, sad and alone!

[catphishing]

I can find my own boyfriends.

[Can he though?]

[feytality]

Wow! A late bloomer, huh.

[is this bi erasure or Maya picking on Asher, who knows]