Connor "Harvey Milk didn't die for this" Walsh (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sadgay) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
futurology2017-09-10 12:47 pm
sadgay) wrote in futurology2017-09-10 12:47 pm
( video ) un: wtfwhocares
[When the video feed flickers on, the team will see Asher and Connor side by side, sharply dressed and poised to deliver a pitch. Around them spans the castle’s library, its shelves looming and brimming with books and its lanterns glowing in the dimness that encourages a studious sort of quiet. A quiet that is about to come to an end as Connor opens his mouth.]
This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]
A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪
--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.
[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]
Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--
[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]
--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.
[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]
Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.
[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]
The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.
Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.
[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]
And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.
So. You in?
This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]
A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪
--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.
[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]
Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--
[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]
--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.
[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]
Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.
[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]
The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.
Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.
[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]
And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.
So. You in?
no subject
He'd thought Asher would be the safer bet. He can see now that was probably a bad assumption.]
It wasn't. I know you're not stupid.
[Maybe he acts like it, and he can't pretend he isn't sometimes annoyed by it, but he knows he's smarter than he comes off.]
If it was Connor's idea you guys would be acting a lot grosser.
[It's a risk, but one he hopes he can get away with. He doesn't want two people he cares about mad at him instead of one.]
no subject
He hates being seen as little more than a joke, although his behavior and turn of phrase do nothing to help in that regard. And yet, even in those rare moments in time when he actually feels as though he's getting something right, he is somehow overlooked, taken for granted, or denied the truth. The sound of shuffling limbs is audible as he crosses his legs, letting out a loud, disgruntled sound.]
Don't do that.
[The words are quiet, restrained.
Still, he avoids looking directly into the camera.]
I get it. I talk a lot. Most people aren't into it.
[That and the boorishness or bizarre sense of humor.]
But, blendin' in? Diggin' dirt? That's somethin' I happen to know how to do.
no subject
[He knows better than to voice that he misses the Asher he knew, but he ever since they met here he's had a hard time figuring out his motivations. Every time he thinks he's got there he quickly finds out that he hasn't after all.]
I know what you're capable of, Asher. I've known you for over a year.