( video ) un: wtfwhocares

[sadgay]

[When the video feed flickers on, the team will see Asher and Connor side by side, sharply dressed and poised to deliver a pitch. Around them spans the castle’s library, its shelves looming and brimming with books and its lanterns glowing in the dimness that encourages a studious sort of quiet. A quiet that is about to come to an end as Connor opens his mouth.]

This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]

A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪

--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.

[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]

Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--

[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]

--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.

[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]

Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.

[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]

The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.

Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.

[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]

And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.

So. You in?

Comments

AUDIO. UN: LOKI

[selfimage]

[ there's a moment where there's a hush of a long pause.




...


then he's trying not to choke on his own chuckle. ]

What would you normally charge? Please, inquiring minds and all.

[moneyballer]

dem dolla dolla biiiillz, yo

[That really doesn't answer the question...]

[selfimage]

[ that's it, he's done.

he's cracked up laughing. ]

TEXT; UN: I CAN B UR DADDY

[moneyballer]

don't L AUGH AT ME YOU

[This is already a disaster.]

YOU MEAN GREEN PERSON

[selfimage]

[ all right, so he was slowing down, but there Asher goes again.

he takes in a breath and starts laughing again.

when it dies down, he speaks. ]

Consider me in your service.

[moneyballer]

oh

[Welp, that was easy.

Then again, with Loki, almost nothing ever us-]

wait wait wait

r u sayin u want our help?

[Because this green leggy menace seems pretty ace at the whole lying game.]

[selfimage]

You did offer, are you having second thoughts?

[ god of lies and all.

he's pretty much a one man Ocean's 11. ]

[moneyballer]

nah, it's just

[That this is not something the trickster god has any trouble doing.]

nvm

[selfimage]

Please, continue.

[ he sounds enticing, rather than skeptical. ]

[moneyballer]

ur not really the type of guy who'd need help with fakin a cover story

[Said with certainty, with no inkling of hesitation.

Then again, Asher will not reject the opportunity to prove himself.]

but u know what? we're cool dudes, like i said

so if u wanna sign up, consider it donesies

[sadgay]

What he said, but less ridiculous. We'd also be willing to barter for favors.

[selfimage]

[ Asher does add flair to the whole operation. ]

Is it the generosity in your heart that you decided to wave the fee, or the possibility of impending doom?

[ no one's judging. ]

[sadgay]

[See, he was trying not to think too hard about the impending doom aspect to this mission... His expression slips for a second, but fortunately blithe humor is his standard method of crisis management.]

Try some of column A, a little of column B. We're just trying to be good team players, you know?

[selfimage]

[ if it's any consolation, Loki talks about impending doom like something's dealt with before. it's just another day, another apocalypse. ]

You've convinced me. Sign me up.

[sadgay]

Sure thing, god of lies.

[He might still think that was a joke...]

First, you might have to ditch the horns. The less memorable you are, the better.

[selfimage]

[ sometimes, it's all the better that way. ]

I'll take your word for it.

Does that mean the jacket too? I really do like the jacket.

[sadgay]

I won't disagree with you there, but gold and white seem to be the color scheme we're going for.

[selfimage]

It's the green that sort of gives me away.

[ he sounds amused. at connor, or at himself? who knows. ]

[sadgay]

You're telling me you want to give yourself away?

[selfimage]

Oh please—it was a fashion statement, not a declaration of intent.

[sadgay]

Fine, sure, wear whatever you want. Are you even capable of keeping a low profile?

[selfimage]

I do have my love of theatrics, will that be a problem?

[sadgay]

That depends on whether you use your theatrics to get out of trouble or get into it.

[selfimage]

That's a bit tee-bee-dee—isn't the point to get in some trouble?

[sadgay]

The point is to not get killed.

[That's his personal goal, anyway.]