( video ) un: wtfwhocares

[sadgay]

[When the video feed flickers on, the team will see Asher and Connor side by side, sharply dressed and poised to deliver a pitch. Around them spans the castle’s library, its shelves looming and brimming with books and its lanterns glowing in the dimness that encourages a studious sort of quiet. A quiet that is about to come to an end as Connor opens his mouth.]

This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]

A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪

--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.

[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]

Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--

[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]

--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.

[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]

Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.

[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]

The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.

Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.

[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]

And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.

So. You in?

Comments

[skelepun]

i'll be there.

[And sure enough, whenever Oliver arrives, there he'll be. Eating what looks like miso soup.]

[catphishing]

[Oliver's a little worried about why this might require an in person meeting, but he shows up soon enough.]

How do you manage to eat anyway?

[Because that's not a rude question.]

[skelepun]

[It's also definitely not something Sans has been asked a dozen times before. This time, he ignores it. Delving straight to the point isn't his style, but there's a time for everything.]

Hey bud, thanks for meeting me. You want some? [He holds up the soup.] It's that guy Kagari's recipe, s'not bad.

[catphishing]

[Well. That's not an answer. He'll just have to keep on wondering. He shrugs, taking a seat opposite him.]

Sure. Kagari's a pretty good cook.

[But he doubts that's why he's here...]

Is everything all right?

[skelepun]

Yeah, everything's fine. [Sans nods, ladling out another bowl.] I just get shy on the network, that's all.

Just was curious, how well do you know those two? [Aaaand he pushes the bowl over, grinning as usual.] Eat up.

[catphishing]

[Oliver takes the bowl, but the line of questioning makes him wary. He has his guard up now, not sure he likes where this is going.]

Pretty well. We're friends. I've known them for a while now, they're good guys. Both of them.

[skelepun]

That's cool. It's good to have friends. [It's not hard to sense the mounting apprehension, and Sans can't really blame him. He'd have preferred a different way of doing this, but there were only so many ways to get a private word around here.] Can you tell me about 'em?

[catphishing]

[He's honestly lost here. He's obviously looking for something, but Oliver has no idea what. Just that his approach is unnerving.]

I don't know what you want me to tell you. Asher doesn't think before he speaks and he sounds like he stepped out of the 90s, but he means well. Connor acts like a jerk, but he has a heart in there somewhere even if he doesn't like people seeing it.

[He toys with the soup, not quite having the appetite for it at the moment.]

It would help if you said what was bothering you. We're, like, the most normal people here.

[skelepun]

Normal's relative. You guys are pretty out there, where I'm from. [He shrugs.] But it's seriously not a big deal. I've heard a few things, and you're a trustworthy guy.

[If a little naive. Maybe. Jury's still out on that one.]

I figure I can take you at your word, if you think there's nothing to worry about.

[catphishing]

[He laughs slightly, relaxing a little at his response, though he's still bothered by what would make him think there could be a problem in the first place.]

We're super boring. Trust me. You'd hate it if you had to live our lives.

[Connor's done something 'bad' back home. He knows that much, if not exactly what, and he's certain it has something to do with Annalise, but he's still good in his heart. Asher hadn't grown close to the group until after whatever it is Connor hides from him. He's not sure whether to think he was involved or not.

Either way, it's not something Sans needs to be concerned about. He stands by what he's told him; they're good guys.]

[skelepun]

I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

[Either Oliver knows everything and is speaking honestly, or he knows nothing and is telling the truth as best he knows. Naivety made for decent cover, but Sans was a guy who appreciated forthrightness.

And whether he wholly believed what Oliver had to say or not, one thing was clear: Oliver believed it, and that counted for something.]

Welp, I'm satisfied. [He stands, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve.] I'll leave you to your soup, pal. Thanks for seeing me.

[catphishing]

[He's surprised by the abrupt end to their meeting, but relieved. He likes Sans a lot better when he's not interrogating him.]

No problem. I'll see you around?

[skelepun]

Any time. [And he seems to mean it, even as he winks.] You know where to find me.

[Of course, if Oliver was to look for him right then, he'd find the space Sans occupied just seconds ago now conspicuously empty.

Clearly, he got whatever it is he was looking for.]