Connor "Harvey Milk didn't die for this" Walsh (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sadgay) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
futurology2017-09-10 12:47 pm
sadgay) wrote in futurology2017-09-10 12:47 pm
( video ) un: wtfwhocares
[When the video feed flickers on, the team will see Asher and Connor side by side, sharply dressed and poised to deliver a pitch. Around them spans the castle’s library, its shelves looming and brimming with books and its lanterns glowing in the dimness that encourages a studious sort of quiet. A quiet that is about to come to an end as Connor opens his mouth.]
This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]
A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪
--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.
[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]
Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--
[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]
--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.
[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]
Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.
[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]
The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.
Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.
[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]
And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.
So. You in?
This is a public service announcement from the offices of-- [He cues the other man.]
A-Milly from over the hillyyyyyy~♪
--and Connor Walsh, attorneys at law.
[*They are not real attorneys. They have not passed the bar exam in any state, country, planet, or dimension.]
Welcome to Espionage 101, or as we prefer to call it--
[They part to reveal the easel chalkboard that waits behind them, across which Asher writes with gusto:]
--How to get away with lying. Responsibly! And not like a lil’ bitch.
[Asher finds it necessary enough to add their addendum to the title in tiny parentheses.]
Now, seeing as most of you are totez clueless when it comes to this whole fake identity thing, we’d like to give you a couple of pointers to start, so you uh. Don’t blow the whole operation and risk Zymandis kickin’ our keisters, ‘cause if ya ask me? Those guys are the definition of cray cray.
[The look Connor gives him is only half as judgmental as it could be. Why does he insist on resurrecting the most ancient of lingo… Nevertheless, he continues the spiel.]
The most basic rule of lying is: keep it simple, stupid. Elaborating doesn’t make your lie more believable, it just makes it more likely that you’ll shoot yourself in the foot by saying something moronic. Remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in space court. If these guys even believe in giving a fair trial, which they probably don’t, seeing as they’re supposed to be the bad guys.
Anyway, if someone starts asking questions, give as little as possible. You don’t have to plead the fifth, because let’s be real, most of the time that just makes you seem more shady.
[The doughier of the two nods vigorously in the background, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and casting a shadow over his face, in an effort to provide an illustrative example.]
And because we’re the nicest people ever, we’re offerin’ our services to all of our Audentes homies, free of charge.
So. You in?
no subject
Why? We already have a Zymandis prisoner. Taking more would increase the chances of their escape, and thus the possibility of another invasion on Oska.
[ That ain't even good strategy. ]
no subject
And anyway, we don't have to keep them there til they rot. Even Nazis got put on trial before any of them could be executed. How do we even know that every single person on that ship was complicit in the atrocities these guys have committed? We can't just assume that.
no subject
[ He raises an eyebrow. ]
Are you saying that they didn't know what they were signing up for? I find that unlikely.
no subject
Can you say with absolute certainty that they don't pick up recruits that just happen to fall through the rifts, or whatever, just like all of us here did? Nowhere in the briefing I read did it say anything about where their members come from. And that definitely seems like the kind of information that would be smart to leave out, if ALASTAIR wants us hunting down these Zymandis assholes as badly as they do.
no subject
[ Koltira just wants to do it. ]
And if Zymandis functions as we do, then their people do the job willingly. We are not forced, despite whatever mealy-mouthed nonsense some of you choose to believe. Nothing suggests force in Zymandis's recruits, either.
They carry out their objectives willingly--with relish, in all cases that we've seen.
no subject
And anyway, just because that's what you've seen, it doesn't mean it's without exception. I'm not saying these guys aren't terrible, or that it's wrong to condemn the crimes they've committed. I'm just saying...if their leadership falls apart, isn't that enough? Without a head, the arms and legs are useless. So cut off the head, sure, but you don't need to hack the body to pieces.
no subject
[ He sounds pretty firm in this belief. ]
no subject
Fine, I can't make you change your mind. But that's just not a weight I want to carry.
no subject
[ Because he's going to do it for you, being the implication. ]