video; un: deathweaver

[respired]

[ Koltira's sitting on a flat rock, long legs stretched out, a bottle of something dark and high proof in one hand--a souvenir from the remains of the saloon. He's surrounded by cacti and tall, spiky yucca plants; the silhouette of Perdition's Rest is not far behind him, due west. He's close enough to reach by a quick walk, but not so close that he's in the middle of everyone and their campfires and their singing and their camaraderie and so on. A thin dusting of snow coats everything, though close inspection reveals a mirror-like sheet of ice slowly crackling its way into being over the rock, as though animated of its own accord.

A few people have seen him since that terrible week, but not many. He's cleaned up since then. No more chains. Back in his fine, planet-appropriate clothes--long, black coat, stylish hat, boots with sharp spurs. He has new, red tattoos on one hand, and his pale hair is done up in a thick braid that falls over his shoulder.

He leans forward, pulling his right leg up and draping his arm over his knee. He looks miserable. And a little drunk. ]

No one regrets what transpired more than me. I was not in control of myself, though it's no excuse. An apology feels weak and inadequate, but you have it from me, a hundred times, a thousand times.

[ He takes a drink from the bottle. A long drink. ]

I will do what I can to atone, within reason. If you wish me never to look your way again, I will not. If you wish to strike me, you may, though I will defend myself against a lethal blow. If you have something else in mind, tell me.

I will work with Sieglinde, for whatever fruit that bears. It may bear nothing, but I'll endure the attempt.

[ The guilt in his expression, pulling at his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows, hardens. He clenches his jaw. ]

Yet, understand this. I will never be a slave again. Not to any of you, nor to anyone else. I will not beg, and I will not scrape. I will not kneel. And you do not have the right to decide my destiny. None of you do. That's my decision, and mine alone.

[ He sets the bottle down. Shuts his eyes. Last time this happened, he had given a lengthy explanation. He had laid bare the facts of himself: what he was, how he came to be that way. But not this time. He will not open a vein for nothing; he will not suffer dismissal on top of scorn. Not over his past.

Besides, as guilty as he is, as deeply and truly remorseful, he's still angry, too. ]

I have nothing more to say.

Comments

[respired]

[ is he reading this user name correctly ]

[ is he being trolled ]

[ well, whatever ]

Typically. Yes.

[ Admittedly, less so recently, what with Lancer and Fate, but. They both still have plenty of their own concerns to attend to. ]

[moneyballer]

You don't have to be.

[Simple, but heartfelt.]

[respired]

[ He's not sure what to do with this message. He doesn't even know who's sending it, or why. And, given that it's text, he can't judge the sincerity or the intent with any satisfying accuracy. ]

Who are you to say this? And after what I've done? What I might still do?

[ To his mind, it almost would be better if the team isolated him, as Keats suggested. Then he could go mad alone, and simply tear himself apart. Then he'd be no danger to anyone but himself. ]

[moneyballer]

I don't know you, dude.

Like, not really. I get that.

[But he is sincere.

And naive, too.]

I just know that being on your own...

[If this wasn't through text, Koltira would hear him laugh half-heartedly.]

It can really drive you crazy.

[respired]

[ For his part, Koltira's just scowling. ]

One grows accustomed to it, after a time.

[ He's been alone since he died. That started to change while he was with Audentes, and then he went home--to four years of not only solitude, but vicious, torturous imprisonment. And now? Now he's having trouble reconciling the two, especially after the pain he's caused. ]

[moneyballer]

[For a good, long while, Asher considers changing his words.

Because everyone on the network will be able to see this, to associate this with him.]

God, are you saying you got used to it?

[The people on this team are far stronger than he is for the most part, he knows.

But that's what they are, a team! So shouldn't they support each other?]

'Cause fuck, bro.

I sure as hell didn't.

[respired]

I was locked away. I had no other choice.

[ Didn't. That implies a lot. ]

When have you been alone?

[ Hard to tell because of the format, but it's not accusatory, merely inquiring. He doesn't know Asher any better than Asher knows him, after all. ]

[moneyballer]

[He can't answer that question, not when he's already said too much.]

You're not a prisoner here, though.

Not like that.

[Kidnapping aside....]

[respired]

[ The evasion doesn't miss Koltira, but he's not the type to press other people on their business. ]

True enough. Yet it is safer if I separate myself from the rest of you.

[moneyballer]

Okay, maybe...

But from what I've been hearing on this thing, there are a bunch of people here who care about you.

[Despite Koltira being so dangerous.]

I dunno, you can call me a dick if you want.

But that doesn't sound like something you should take for granted.

[respired]

I have no reason to call you a 'dick'

[ Not a colloquialism he quite understands. ]

I understand that some here care for me. It is because I care for them also that I don't want to hurt them again

Being alone is the best way to ensure that, from a logical standpoint

[ It's not what he wants, and he likely won't be able to actually accomplish it--what with Lancer bound to him, what with TF staying with him, what with Olivia needing him--but he still sees isolation as the ideal. ]

If the others demanded it, I would go willingly

I know of at least one who would prefer it

[moneyballer]

[Sent impulsively, after an eyeroll:]

Ignore that guy, he shanked his own brother.

[respired]

What

[ KOLTIRA THINKS ASHER IS REFERRING TO KEATS ]

LMAOOASLKDFJ OH M YGOD

[moneyballer]

ya he fucked him up mortal kombat style and then zombie magic back brought him back 2 lyf

[respired]

I only understand half of that sentence

The zombie half

[ what's mortal kombat

and is this TRUE ]

[moneyballer]

oh mk is a game where like

there's a lot of gore and brains n shiz butt it's not

i don't think any of it is rly rly real like u can't cut up bodies that easy it's just nut possible

basically what im saying is it was a knockout/game over/fatality sort of situation

but then hey wAHOO bro-bro's alive again i kno sounds crazy riiiiiiiiite

[respired]

Your 'text' is extremely challenging to parse but

It is not so difficult a matter to bring the dead back to life, provided you are timely

[ He can do it, after all. ]

1/?

[moneyballer]

2/?

[moneyballer]

3/?

[moneyballer]

4/? god i am so sorry

[moneyballer]

5/5

[moneyballer]

bitch what the fuck

not here

[pummelling]

[????????]

[moneyballer]

[❤]

[slushfund]

What are you talking about, the last game was Mortal Kombat: Deception and this guy sure as hell wasn't in it.
Do they seriously make another one???
Warner Bros. needs to stop fucking the dead horse already.

(it's 2004 where comes from, but more importantly he's getting his idiom very wrong.)