futurology | video; un: deathweaver

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video; un: deathweaver

[ Koltira's sitting on a flat rock, long legs stretched out, a bottle of something dark and high proof in one hand--a souvenir from the remains of the saloon. He's surrounded by cacti and tall, spiky yucca plants; the silhouette of Perdition's Rest is not far behind him, due west. He's close enough to reach by a quick walk, but not so close that he's in the middle of everyone and their campfires and their singing and their camaraderie and so on. A thin dusting of snow coats everything, though close inspection reveals a mirror-like sheet of ice slowly crackling its way into being over the rock, as though animated of its own accord.

A few people have seen him since that terrible week, but not many. He's cleaned up since then. No more chains. Back in his fine, planet-appropriate clothes--long, black coat, stylish hat, boots with sharp spurs. He has new, red tattoos on one hand, and his pale hair is done up in a thick braid that falls over his shoulder.

He leans forward, pulling his right leg up and draping his arm over his knee. He looks miserable. And a little drunk. ]

No one regrets what transpired more than me. I was not in control of myself, though it's no excuse. An apology feels weak and inadequate, but you have it from me, a hundred times, a thousand times.

[ He takes a drink from the bottle. A long drink. ]

I will do what I can to atone, within reason. If you wish me never to look your way again, I will not. If you wish to strike me, you may, though I will defend myself against a lethal blow. If you have something else in mind, tell me.

I will work with Sieglinde, for whatever fruit that bears. It may bear nothing, but I'll endure the attempt.

[ The guilt in his expression, pulling at his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows, hardens. He clenches his jaw. ]

Yet, understand this. I will never be a slave again. Not to any of you, nor to anyone else. I will not beg, and I will not scrape. I will not kneel. And you do not have the right to decide my destiny. None of you do. That's my decision, and mine alone.

[ He sets the bottle down. Shuts his eyes. Last time this happened, he had given a lengthy explanation. He had laid bare the facts of himself: what he was, how he came to be that way. But not this time. He will not open a vein for nothing; he will not suffer dismissal on top of scorn. Not over his past.

Besides, as guilty as he is, as deeply and truly remorseful, he's still angry, too. ]

I have nothing more to say.

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[There is a heap of complicated feelings. First and foremost, anger; there is a part of him that would love to do nothing more than to simply challenge Koltira and be done with it. It is wrong that this happened--

But he has had this discussion. Over and over. Some fruitful, some simply irritating and warranting nothing but circular argument. He will remember the words of those who did get through to him.]

[Meallan gives Koltira a small, tired smile. He's still feeling terrible for his own reasons, but he doesn't blame him for what happened.]

I think I owe you an apology more than anything. I should have listened to your warnings.

You know.

A drink's better when you share it with someone.

[He paces his words. His tone. The temptation to be warm is there, but he's careful. If there's something he expects, it's that Koltira likes his privacy.]

[This text almost goes unsent, but he feels the need to do so.]

Hey man.

[Oddly familiar, despite having never met or spoken before. That's just how Asher is.]

You alone?

I should have listened to you, too.

I'm sorry for being unable to do more to stop you. But thank you... you fought hard to regain yourself, didn't you? So, you're forgiven and I hope that you will be able to accept that forgiveness.

Do you still wish someone to spar with, as a means of distraction?

[It's not entirely for Koltira's benefit; the death knight is stronger than he is, faster than he is. It would serve well to train with someone who is a challenge.]

Edited 2016-11-07 07:53 (UTC)

[Boy, is Jin pretty embarrassed for himself right about now

He may hate having to suck it up and be humble, but the more it's beaten into him, the more he's able to catch when he's really, truly in the wrong. Koltira had given warning, he had reacted solely upon emotion, and I still thought I knew better, rings the voice of 'Lavellan' as he skims through the replies to this message.

Audio's right out. Jin's self-aware enough to know he'll start out strong then wind up with something stupid. Words will have to do. With enough practice, and enough time spent simply honing the focus of his mind, Jin's slowly getting better at this thought-to-text thing, anyway. Any sweeping statements metaphorically die on his lips before the magic of his device picks them up-- I was wrong about you, or rather, not right in the way I wanted to be; I was only trying to help; why didn't you let it come easily for me?; your sword hurts like a bitch, please never ever cut me with that thing again.]

Apology accepted, at least from me.

You deserve to have that power over your own fate. That's the least the lot of us can offer you.

[ She hears the apology, yet also his strength. The response from Okami. The tiredness that seems to surround the man.

So instead of responding to what he said, Lucina does what she promised she would do. ] You're looking better, it seems. [ She likes your hair, Koltira. ]

Were you able to keep away from the fire?

Real sins can't be forgiven how much you atone~. Save the apologies for naive fools with more heart than brains.

[Even so, Ban understood. He didn't feel like adding anymore pressure than that.]

Buuuut, before I say anything else... do you know who hurt Papyrus?

So is this what you're really like?

[ This is the first time she's trying to really use the jewelry, yet it seems ironic that something like this message is the first she sees. She has no idea what has happened, all she knows are the words that he says. Somehow... that is enough. Her thoughts are oddly calm, even if she can sympathize with these kinds of feelings more than most. ]

I am uncertain of what may have happened as I was not here, but I think you must be strong for trying to atone. It is... not an easy thing to do.

[ It's what she's trying to do now, anyway. For all the fucked up things that have happened, all that she's caused along with their friends. Forgiveness seems impossible, but atonement... that is. That can be grasped through working hard and pushing yourself to make yourself better and stronger. ]

I wish you good luck in your endeavors.

[The curious voice on the other end sounds human though slightly metallic.]

Did you hurt anyone you love?

Hello, Koltira!!

[ Said, as if nothing happened. As if he wasn't hurt, and Koltira wasn't the one to do it. As if, literally, nothing had changed. ]

I'm glad you're feeling better!!

—Are you doing better now?

[ And then it hits him, after a beat, that was... probably stupid to ask. Dipper's expression twists slightly with this realization, then: ]

I mean—I... hope you're doing okay. Even if you aren't. Then maybe it'll, um... get there?

[ Wow, he has no idea how to approach this. ]

When you feel like talking again, can you explain what happened? I don't understand, and reading what people were talking about was confusing.

Koltira-san...

[Nyuu's looking much better now. The abrasions on her wrists, ankles, and waist have fully healed, but her horns remain mismatched. One looks just as it always has while the other is broken and chipped.

She may be childish, but she still has enough sense to refrain from giving Koltira a sad look. She wasn't sure if he wanted anyone's pity, so she offers him a gentle, curious look instead.]

Would it be alright if I contacted you privately? I have just as much to answer for, but I'm not ready for anyone else to hear my explanation just yet. [In case others were listening in on her, she adds:] I do plan to tell everyone at some point, but now is not the time.

( Sieglinde is what brings him here, more so than anything else. he's seen the stress the girl wears from trying to aide the beleagued of their team. it surprises him little she has devoted herself to aiding this man as well, when he suffers so keenly.

it's not that graham doesn't understand. he does, more than he'd like to. he's been controlled and forced to ends he never would have wanted. and yet the way they respond to their freedom seems quite different. )

If you mean to atone, then prove it. Seek all opportunity to see that you never harm another for your lack of control. ( and not just a single girl, already overwhelmed by the weight of all those she couldn't help. it reminds him, too, that he should seek the help of anyone that might be able, not simply Sieglinde. )

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