futurology | Video | Username: tigermillionaire [Dated around the beginning of the month]

[Steven broadcasts a video from the inn room where he is. He looks like he's in good spirits and has several items laid out on the table.]

Hey everyone! It's me, Steven Quartz Universe. I got some neat things from ALISTAIR lately! I got my phone, my Cheeseburger Backpack... [He indicates a smartphone and... well, a Cheeseburger Backpack.]

Aaand we got a special surpise, too! {He takes out a container of food.] If you guessed that it's a sad meal, you're way wrong. Itttt's a happy meal! And I haven't done an unboxing video since I left home, so I think it's time I did one here for all of you here in Chantes! Okay, let's see what we got.

[He reaches into the bag and pulls out some french fries.]

First, we got some french fries. Nice, nice - they're a cornerstone of any happy meal! It just wouldn't be the same without them. [He nibbles on one.] And it's good! Well, it's kind of greasy, but in the tasty way! And it has just the right amount of salt. This is what you want in french fries, people!

[He reaches back in and pulls out a cheeseburger.]

A cheeseburger! Nice. This is like the main event of a happy meal. It's cheesy, it's a burger. Where could you go wrong? It was a nice touch it make it a cheeseburger, too, so it matches my backpack! To think it's been so long since I've had one... I don't think that it has long in this world! [He giggles as he sets it down.] That's the main event of the happy meal. Except there's something even main-er! Let's see if I got one...

[He reaches in and pulls out a toy wrapped up in plastic wrap.]

Yesss!! It comes with a toy! And even better, it's of Dogcopter! That's so great! [He hugs the toy close to him and then settles down.]

Well, that does it for my first unboxing video as part of ALISTAIR. This happy meal gets... a 4 out of 5 stars, I think! Thanks for watching, and... let's keep doing our best for this mission, alright? [He gives a cheesy smile and a thumbs up before he cuts out the video.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[He was drunk and barely paying attention, but Steven's enthusiasm wasn't lost on Ban whatsoever.

He didn't have much input, admittedly. The toy looked cool and the friends looked interesting, but he didn't really know what to expect of it all.

He'd probably ask about the ingredients, later.]

Why's the box got a mouth? That's a mouth, riiight ♪?

liked, commented, subscribed.
10/10 would watch again

Hi Ban! Yeah, that's supposed to be a mouth. Or a drawing of one!

Because it's a happy meal, so the box is smiling. Get it?

Thanks, chillbonesdude!

You've... got some chill bones, dude!

is that how the whole username thing works?
huh.
then i'd like to see your million tigers someday, kid.

[Then, the sort of question a hungry drunk would ask--]

Can you eat the box?

It looks like candy.

[The flat surface was bright--really bright. Things that red were usually either exceptionally well-tanned leather, but he could see the box wasn't particularly thick. It was almost like paper--not that Ban knew what in the world cardboard was.]

[Steven...]

I was going to ask what an unboxing video is, but I think I got it. [BUT WHY...]

Have you tried using your phone yet?

Please tell me you have a Big Belly Burger in there. Please.

I'll do anything for you in exchange for it.

Um. Why is it a 'happy meal'? Is it because of the toy?

[Someone doesn't really eat out. Or when she does, it is not at the likes of McDonalds. It's not as huge a thing back home for her.]

Let me get this straight.

You're using our community network to show off some kind of food-shaped storage sack, along with the actual food product, and then giving them a fractional rating as you then consume the food.

This is one of the biggest wastes of time I have seen in my life. Why did I even watch all of this? Why did I actually sit here, and watch this happen?

Edited 2016-01-08 01:53 (UTC)

But what about the main event, the cheeseburger?

( she feels as though she's been left hanging. apparently it's the thing he's second-most excited for, so what's it actually taste like? )

[He puts a hand on his chin and nods along thoughtfully with all of that.]

Hmmmm... Yep, Peridot, you summed it all up and wrapped up with a nice bow!

You know why you watched! [His tone gets a little increasingly teasing.] Because I'm growing on you! [All his dreams are coming true, apparently.]

Um... no! No no no! [He doesn't deal with drunks much often, so he's mostly baffled.]

I guess it might look a little like it if you squint, but I swear... it's made out of, like, cardboard or something. It won't taste like anything at all. It's the food inside that's the edible part! [He indicates the meal he's laid out.]

Um, they're the tigers you can't really see. I guess there's a little tiger in all of us. And also a million of us! [There's a chance he may be making this up as he goes along.]

I'm glad! I hope you like it, HB! [He smiles.]

Um... No, I didn't try using it yet! But I should. There's a lot of people I can try calling!

Sorry, Mr. Streak! I'm guessing this burger's just a normal-sized belly burger. [He holds the cheeseburger up to the video feed.] Maybe someday you'll find the kind you want!

That's one reason alright! You don't know about happy meals?

They're made specially for kids. To keep them happy! The toy, the food, the package - it's all part of the happiness!

[Steven sets the cheeseburger down and also places his chin flatly on the table as he stares at it, speaking in a voice filled with awe.]

Just look at it! It looks so pretty and tasty... It feels like it would be a crime to get it with a bite! Like... disrupting the harmony of the universe!

deep. real deep.
y'know, i might even go so far as to say we've all got some bones in us too...

but maybe not a million.
maybe something like 206.

Well, I don't often go eat out. Usually dad, brother and I just take turns with making the meals.

But I guess I could see that? Sort of. It is kind of cute.

[The toy, the bright packaging. The food isn't the healthiest, but that isn't the point when one wants to eat out and treat themselves.]

That sounds nice! As tasty as a happy meal is, it's nothing next to a home-cooked meal. Those taste like love! [He smiles cheerily.]

But I'm glad you think it's cute. Hey, you can try out some of my fries if you want!

Thanks, I try.

You know, you're bringing some real knowledge bombs to the table too, my friend. You must have really boned up on your knowledge! [And he doesn't even know he's a skeleton yet.]

[Oh, oh, oh...someone speaking his language.]

you're making me sound like a real expert, y'know.
but that ain't the truth at all...

i just know the bare bones.

[ papyrus screams in the distance. ]

'Quartz Universe'?

[ that's... such a random name. eh, whatever. ]

Alright, but what's better: bacon cheeseburger or normal cheeseburger? Enough to bump it up to 5/5?

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Video | Username: tigermillionaire [Dated around the beginning of the month]

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