futurology | !IMPORTANT! video; username: 82736775

[The video is from everyone's favorite camera-shy mad scientist, 82736775. This time, he's not even present in a carefully-framed way; he appears to just be using his jewellery as a Go-Pro.

The view is a large machine in the middle of the woods. It's crudely constructed, with loud, grinding gears and exhaust tubes belching smoke. There are three figures scurrying about -- Dipper, Shiki, and Hide, for those of you who would recognize them -- pulling levers and turning cranks and struggling to hear each other over the machine's groaning. Jars of fairy goop hang off the thing like lanterns in a coal mine.]

Listen uuuup, bitcheesss!

[The view jerks, then readjusts as the sky comes into focus.]

Thanks to my genius and everybody else's scrappy, can-do attitude, we're about to make scientific history. By which I mean w-we're about to blow this bullshit away.

[His hand enters the frame. He is flipping off the sky.]

Engage Operation: Fuck You, Magic!

[The frame stays centered on the sky, though the machine's groaning reaches almost deafening levels. Above the cacophony, there's a high-pitched whining: something is warming up. All over Chantes, the ground shakes.

Then bright green fills the screen and everything is so loud that it's almost silent. Those of you who are at a distance may see a gigantic green beam shooting into the sky just before everything turns bright white for a few long seconds.

And suddenly, there is light. Stars. Two moons. The sky is back.

82736775 is laughing maniacally. He swings the frame around to the giant machine, which has blasted wide open: smoking panels have fallen to the ground, exposing frayed wires. His assistants are also on the ground, looking dazed.]

Suck my dick, Narnia! Haha, yeah!

Now let's figure out what to do and get the hell off this rock! Team science, ouuuut!

[ ooc. IMPORTANT! the sun is now returned. from this point on, there are normal day-night cycles in chantes! be aware there are two moons, and the sun rises in the west. use this post to discuss what to do now! threadjacking encouraged. thank you to my fellow players and our modteam for making this plot so successful! i love you all.

UPDATE! check this thread for conversation on a peaceful option. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I gotta admit, this was a challenge, even for me. [He quits dancing around to put his hands on his hips, observing the smoking carcass of the machine with an appraising nod.]

Y-y'know, working in environments like this without the materials I'm used to... it's good to slum it sometimes. Keeps me sharp.

[ Man, and he could do all this without his usual stuff. Dipper grows slightly more wide-eyed in awe. ]

Hey, Rick—if you can do something like this, what else have you built before? There's gotta be way cooler things, right?

[Rick gets a shifty look on his face, and he comes closer to Dipper, stooping down to his level. Hands on his shoulders and everything. It's a secret!]

Y-yeah, I can show you something... this is top-secret stuff, though. More than the mini-computer. If you let this out, who knows what they'll do to get their hands on it.

[Who are they? Rick is very paranoid, so it could be... like, anything.]

[ You really are this kid's Ford 2.0, Rick, right down to the paranoia and secrets. Dipper falls silent, as if taking a moment to consider this, but just as easily answers in a hushed voice: ]

I can keep a secret!

[ RISKS BE DAMNED. ]

[Rick is a little more aggressively dismissive about humanity than Ford, but yes. Welcome to your family away from home, Dipper.

Rick studies Dipper's face for a few long seconds, then nods with some severity. You're trustworthy, kid. And if not, well. Maybe he will just kill you. Sitting back on his heels, Rick reaches into his lab coat for what basically looks like a 1980s dustbuster with a glass bulb on top.]

Battery's basically dead now, but this is a portal gun. O-once I get it recharged, I'll show you how it works.

That—

[ Dipper blinks dumbly, staring down the mechanical thing before continuing. ]

... Something that small can make portals? Really?

[That's... kind of a weird question, coming from someone that Rick assumed was very planetary. He slips the portal gun back into his coat, unwilling to have it out for very long around people he can't trust.]

You've seen a bigger portal machine? Where?

[ With a nod: ]

Yeah, back home! I've... only seen it at work once and my great uncle ended up dismantling it, but the thing was gigantic with a seriously complicated setup.

[Back home? Okay, so Rick was maybe right that Dipper isn't well-traveled in an intergalactic sense, but that raises some other questions, too.]

Yeah, the big ones are more common. [He pats his coat, where he'd tucked the portal gun away in an inside pocket.] This baby is all me, though. That's why it's top secret. You feel me?

[ Alas, he hasn't done a lot of dimension hopping. (Time, on the other hand...) ]

More common... [ Dipper echoes thoughtfully; the implications of that would mean crossing the border between worlds outside of ALASTAIR isn't as rare as he'd led to believe. (Right?) After a moment, he nods slowly. ] Yeah... Yeah, I do. A smaller one like that is even more difficult to pull off?

[Once you get past the Kuiper belt, things get much more portal-y. Earth is pretty backwards as far as intergalactic travel goes.

Rick slips his hand inside the other side of his coat, pulling his flask out and unscrewing the cap. It's vodka, so hope you don't mind being in close proximity to the smell of pure alcohol, Dipper.]

Yep. I'm the only one in the multiverse who's managed it. [Rick pauses in the middle of putting the flask to his mouth, squinting at Dipper.] B-but don't get any fucking ideas. Nobody betrays me and gets away with it.

[ ... Well, don't mind if he edges away another inch or two. Sure, do your thing, but that smell... ]

Wait, what? Dude—I said I'd keep it a secret!

[Rick holds the glare for another second or two, like maybe he doesn't believe that this twelve-year-old isn't out to screw him over, then shrugs and takes a gulp from the flask.]

Just as long as we're on the same pa--aauuurrrrpp--ge.

Oh, man—gross. [ Must we do this. Must we be suspicious as belch. ] C'mon, I'd never blab about that stuff! Scout's honor?

[LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT, DIPPER. It happens a lot. For his part, Rick ignores any reaction to his gastrointestinal display.]

I mean, if that works for y-you. I find threats to be more effective, but whatever. I believe you.

[Air quotes may or may not be implied.]

Thanks... I think.

[ Welp, time to prove he can keep a secret. (Then again, Rick was still willing to let him in on it, and actions speak louder than words... probably.) ]

Iiii wasn't planning on building any portals anytime soon, if it helps.

Obviously. ['cause ur not smart enough is what he means.] It's a long story, but let's just say there are some people out there in the multiverse who reeeaaaally want to get their hands on this shit. So keep it on the down-low.

[Things Rick is requiring Dipper to keep a secret, a running tally: his name, his portal gun, his mini-computer. Next he will ask him to keep his Carl's Jr. order under wraps.]

An-anyway. [Rick stands up, tucking his flask back in his coat.] Stick with me and I'll show you some cool shit, kid. Once we get out of this hellhole dimension and somewhere with a-actual electricity, it'll be cake.

!IMPORTANT! video; username: 82736775

that's a good fight

i exercise a lot

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ah typos you don't notice until it's too late, why this

rip anais