VIDEO; 001 | ID: I CAN B UR DADDY

[moneyballer]

[The video feed turns on to feature a well-groomed man in his mid twenties, who at this point attempts to present his meanest mug to the network. He seems to think that this is actually a good idea, despite everything that went down in the desert. As far as he’s concerned, he has reason to celebrate- Asher, a mere mortal with little to no survival skills, somehow managed to make it through the meteor shower and protect the little alien he’s been assigned to.]

‘Sup bodacious babes. Homie-g’s. Haters.

[He does a little nod to the camera, playing it as “”””cool”””” as he can.]

I was thinkin’, since we’re out saving the universe n’ all… We could use something cool as like an intro, a theme song, y’know?

Something funky fresh. Like a fresh ass beat!

[He clasps his hands together, spitting into them with great enthusiasm but a slight lack of coordination.]

Yo, yo, yo, A-Milly in the hizzzz-house!

Milly as in a million, always stuntin’ like a-

[Asher pauses here, looking a little confused. He blinks once or twice, as if he’s trying to remember something important.]

Vill-i-ain? Um, I’m still working on the intro. Anyway-

[Clearing his throat, he continues on. The interference is probably making this transmission even worse (if that’s possible, can it really get any more embarrassing than this?).]

We up in here, we in the zone
Ready to take care of all yo’ homes,
Don’t matter if it’s outer space, cause we gon put them bad guys in their pl-AAYYYYYCE-

[He ends enthusiastically, but freezes mid-air. It seems as though he’s considering saying something else, but his shoulders drop and he shrugs.]

Uh, yeah. That’s all I got? But I think it has potential. Anyway, um, if anybody wants to like… Help me finish or whatever.

Hit me up, mothafuckaaaaaa.

Comments

( video ) un: achilles

[heelies]

[...

...

He understood perhaps a tenth of a tenth of all that.]

If truly you desire to practice as a bard, then first you should learn to carry a melody. The rhythm is not displeasing, but your song lacks a tune - how then is the audience to know whether it is a song to which they listen, or the raving of a madman? Furthermore, your lyrics are so hopelessly knotted that one would need a sword to slice through, and even then I cannot be sure these are words rather than mere noise.

[moneyballer]

[Asher stares awkwardly at the camera, put-off by this man's... Severely uncouth appearance. Or at least, for someone from his own world. There's so much hair going on, face, head, eveything!

The young lawyer squints to observe the other a little more carefully. How long has it been since Achilles has had a bath? Only god knows. In fact, Asher is paying such close attention to the other's general countenance that he almost misses the words completely, dismissing them for confused babble.]

Heeeeeeeyyyyy, buddy.

[Oh, no...]

How are ya? Are you... Are you doin' okay?

[WHO DO YOU-

ASHER???? HE'S NOT!!! HOMELESS, HE'S NOT A CRAZY HOMELESS MAN-]

Do you need somethin'? Money, or... A shower, maybe?

[heelies]

[In his defense, the desert provides no streams in which he might bathe, and plenty of dust which clings to his sweat-damp skin and hair, thus lending him this wild appearance. Nor has he taken the time to keep trim his beard while across this vast land they travel, and so his face does appear to be swallowed by hair.

Nonetheless, his ears do still hear perfectly well: although he knows not what nonsense this young man babbles, he can discern plainly the patronizing tone in which his words are swaddled.]

What is this you are saying? And why speak you in this manner, as if to a half-wit, when none stands before you? It does so rudely offend my honor to be addressed thus.