VIDEO; 001 | ID: I CAN B UR DADDY

[moneyballer]

[The video feed turns on to feature a well-groomed man in his mid twenties, who at this point attempts to present his meanest mug to the network. He seems to think that this is actually a good idea, despite everything that went down in the desert. As far as he’s concerned, he has reason to celebrate- Asher, a mere mortal with little to no survival skills, somehow managed to make it through the meteor shower and protect the little alien he’s been assigned to.]

‘Sup bodacious babes. Homie-g’s. Haters.

[He does a little nod to the camera, playing it as “”””cool”””” as he can.]

I was thinkin’, since we’re out saving the universe n’ all… We could use something cool as like an intro, a theme song, y’know?

Something funky fresh. Like a fresh ass beat!

[He clasps his hands together, spitting into them with great enthusiasm but a slight lack of coordination.]

Yo, yo, yo, A-Milly in the hizzzz-house!

Milly as in a million, always stuntin’ like a-

[Asher pauses here, looking a little confused. He blinks once or twice, as if he’s trying to remember something important.]

Vill-i-ain? Um, I’m still working on the intro. Anyway-

[Clearing his throat, he continues on. The interference is probably making this transmission even worse (if that’s possible, can it really get any more embarrassing than this?).]

We up in here, we in the zone
Ready to take care of all yo’ homes,
Don’t matter if it’s outer space, cause we gon put them bad guys in their pl-AAYYYYYCE-

[He ends enthusiastically, but freezes mid-air. It seems as though he’s considering saying something else, but his shoulders drop and he shrugs.]

Uh, yeah. That’s all I got? But I think it has potential. Anyway, um, if anybody wants to like… Help me finish or whatever.

Hit me up, mothafuckaaaaaa.

Comments

[moneyballer]

aite

ok, touché

but nah! i mean like, to practice the art of law, defending clients, interpretation of justice

that kinda stuff.

[whatshimadayou]

I do not despise myself enough to consider ever doing such a thing.

[moneyballer]

[ok... that's cute, asher actually laughs out loud at that]

yeah?

a lotta folks say that

i think it's cool, though! what's right, what's wrong, whatever

idk man i just! i wanna do some good, y'know? i wanna defend ppl

[An idealistic statement. Surprisingly innocent.]

why? what do u do

[whatshimadayou]

[How unusually sincere and optimistic it is to read. Hanzo doesn't know that he immediately believes it.]

If it is a path that you feel you should do, then I am certainly the last individual to judge you.

I was many things.
I am a mercenary now. That could change. Perhaps not. I have not decided.

[moneyballer]

[fuck fuck fuck what]

wait a mercenary?

you mean like a hitman? killer for hire? that kinda thing???

[UMMMM LFAKSDJF

MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL...]

[whatshimadayou]

Sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not.

Do not concern yourself. No one here is in danger with me.

[moneyballer]

[Asher pauses to stare at his phone.

This is something that grounds him, moreso than any of his other conversations. If these people choose just about anyone from anywhere, there's certainly criminals here. Murderers. People with questionable backgrounds and pasts.]

can i ask you something?

[whatshimadayou]

You may.

[moneyballer]

your job...

[Biting his lip, Asher takes a moment to think before typing. He's unsure as to whether he really wants to send this, but he's curious.]

did you like it?

like, at all?

[whatshimadayou]

That is
difficult to answer.

I selected the job because I did not need to be tied down to any one location to do it.
And I realized that truly my only gift, my only true skill is to fight.

I did it because it was necessary. I had no real strong feelings about it.

[moneyballer]

[That's so sad.

Asher's morality is very conventional, almost childish, because he has known so little of the real world despite being a twenty-something year old man. Sheltered behind the walls of an opulent mansion, or even the metaphorical walls of his own white privilege, he doesn't understand what joy one would derive from killing, or doing anything violent enough to hurt someone.]

you're sure?

i mean, that that's the only thing you're good at

that it's ur GIFT or whatevs

[There's a beat before he sends the next message.]

i don't believe that

[How strange, for someone to put such faith in a person who is essentially a stranger.

That is how Asher is. He would like to believe that the world can be good.]

[whatshimadayou]

[bro that's not even the saddest part about this guy]

You do not know me.
Suffice it to say, it is difficult to take your faith, endearing as it may be.

[moneyballer]

ok ya

mayb not, but

[oh no sAD

he is sad 4 u, overwatch yaoi]

but why do you think that?

[whatshimadayou]

It is a long explanation better suited for if we ever become more acquainted.

I do not even know your name.

[cries sad tears into big overwatch yaoi hands]

[moneyballer]

[Asher laughs again to himself, because hey, that's totally true.]

asher!

uh, it's asher

asher millstone

[That last name has no weight here.

Ah.

How freeing.]

[whatshimadayou]

Shimada Hanzo.

So you are a lawyer.
Criminal law?

[moneyballer]

whoaaaaa dope is that like chinese or somethin

[nO NO!!!!

ASHER

U WERE DOIN SO WELL]

um! i'm studyin 2 b a lawyer actually
im a 1L

err, a first yr. and ya! ya i hope so, that's where all the fun's at

[whatshimadayou]

[ASHER PLS.]

No.
It is Japanese.

Well.
Good luck on that.

[moneyballer]

oh um...

whoops lol my bad

and thanks man!!! i guess i'll c u around

???

[Those question marks are supposed to seem hopeful.]

[whatshimadayou]

Perhaps.
Perhaps not.

1/?

[moneyballer]

[grim?????

what is with this guy]

[moneyballer]

ok..................

l8er bro