Video; YOU WILL BE SCHOOLED HERE

[boneafide]

[The video starts up, and look! IIt's Papyrus, back to normal and definitely not a traumatized king!

To those who have never seen him before, well… He's a skeleton!! A very loud one. He's shouting while gesturing grandly to himself when he starts:]

HELLO, EVERYONE! IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!

Now, you may think to yourself, "WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY TO BE BLESSED WITH A VIDEO OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS??" The answer is simple!! Be here and have magic jewelry!!

"BUT WAIT!!" You wonder!! "WHY HAS HE DECIDED TO GRACE ME WITH HIS PRESENCE!!" Another simple answer!! I've decided I'm going to teach those here who don't know what certain things are what they are!!

[Starting with the kitchen, Papyrus points at the large refrigerator.]

This is a refrigerator! Also known as a "fridge!" You put food inside of it, and it keeps it cold so you can eat it later!

[To demonstrate the point, he opens the fridge, and inside are six containers all with the word SPAGHET written on them, in Papyrus' hand writing.]

-And before you ask why you would want cold food… you don't! Unless it's meant to be cold. But then you just take it out, put it in the oven or boil it, and it's good to eat again! Usually I use a microwave, but sometimes nothing beats a good ol' bucket of oven-heated pasta!!

Next we have… cameras!!

[And with that, Papyrus holds up a cute looking instant polaroid camera.]

With this, you can take a picture of something, and it prints it out on paper you can keep! I'd demonstrate, but this is Olivia's, not mine. People use it to take pictures of their friends or themselves, so you can always relive the memories of the past!! Unless you want to forget them, in which case, do NOT get a camera, and instead get alcohol!!

Moving on to this!!

[It's deodorant.]

EVERYONE WHO ISN'T USING THIS, NEEDS TO USE THIS.

[One brief moment of staring hard at the communicator later, he continues.]

Now, there's many, many, many, many, many…. many things I still need to go over, so listen up!!

[He turns his communication jewelry to face down at the pile of "modern" objects he's collected in front of him. Said pile includes things like:

a cellphone, a selfie-stick, a scrap of paper with the word "ANIME" on it, an umbrella, hair curlers and straighteners, an mp3 player, a box of spaghetti, and various drawings of things like cars, televisions, airplanes, to name a few.

Perhaps your character even sees something there not listed… ]

Anything you see here, you can ask about, and I will explain it to you!! I will be your educational guide to the future and wonder of modern technology!!

Comments

[boneafide]

...Medium winds, and uh, gentle rain??

[ Hmm... ]

Oh!! You know what you could do!! Ask ALASTAIR! Say you want an umbrella that is functional as an umbrella, and a weapon or shield!! They can make that kind of thing happen! Because this is just a normal umbrella. But you could have a SUPER umbrella!

[hardnosed]

I don't need any umbrella. I want to know what the "normal" one is capable of in case of improvised combat. [ She pauses. ] So it won't be able to deploy the secondary form if it's used to pierce.

[ is she basically asking, via statement, if you can stab someone with an umbrella and then open it inside them? of course she is. ]

What have you asked ALASTAIR for?

[boneafide]

...That's definitely a way of looking at it, yes.

[ Secondary form... used to pierce... Jasper. Please. ]

Oh, a lot of things! I've got a health kit, some magic marbles, cologne, a bowtie... a few more things! What kind of thing are you looking for, maybe that might help me make a recommendation? Do you want a weapon? I can help with that too!

[hardnosed]

And you've just been taking their handouts?

[ I mean... yeah Jasper... obviously he is... ]

They must expect something in return.

[boneafide]

Well, yes! They expect us to help save worlds! Or fix things with the timeline! It isn't like we're just getting things for free! Because they also don't pay us.

[hardnosed]

Pay?

[ she's squinting so hard it's almost audible ]

LITERALLY JUST NOTICED I WAS MISSING HALF MY NOTIFS FOR THIS POST IM SORRY

[boneafide]

[ ooc: IF YOU WANT TO DROP THE THREAD BECAUSE OF MY LATENESS I UNDERSTAND ]

...Money? Oh, well, I suppose they pay us in giving us rooms and food. But free food doesn't put bread on the table!!

Actually, it does.

I don't think I'm using this saying right.

[hardnosed]

[ DON'T THINK YOU'VE WON... THE LAST COMMENT IN THIS THREAD... no it's totally fine lol ]

What would it matter? [ She does get currency, kind of... what she doesn't get is the idea that there would be any such compensation for doing this. ] We were drafted. This is our purpose now.

[ Not that she's embracing that purpose herself. You can't tell her what to do, ALASTAIR, you're not her real Diamond! You're not even her step-Diamond! ]

[boneafide]

[ I'M TAKING THIS THREAD TO THE END OF THE LINE ]

That's... definitely a way to look at it!! But I mean, we're only here until we can get sent back home. Or, I guess, if we want to stay.

[hardnosed]

Why would anyone want to -- ugh. The point is they've got us here no matter what. Strengthening weak recruits by giving out abilities is one thing. That benefits them.

[boneafide]

...You don't have a lot of friends, do you?

[hardnosed]

Don't try and change the subject.

[boneafide]

[ BULLDOZES ON WITH THIS SUBJECT CHANGE ]

Oh. Don't worry! I didn't have a lot of friends before coming here either! But I can be your friend!

[hardnosed]

No!

[ uh.

she continues more calmly, if no less douchily. ]

I don't need friends. I need to find a way out of this hole. Can you offer me that? Am I going to break out of Oska with a brush or a spagget?

[1/3] WIN WHAT, JASPER. WIN WHAT.

[boneafide]

You can't break out of Oska. I don't think so, at least? You'd have to go back through the portal we all came from. Which actually might be here? So you might not need a brush or spagget at all!!

2/3

[boneafide]

But there is the chance that if you do find the portal and go through it, if it isn't going to the right place, or it isn't going to any place at all- you could wind up going through some kind of space hole that will drag you through endless infinity, so big and powerful and weird that you would simultaneously exist forever everywhere, and also never exist anywhere, completely untraceable through time and space!!

3/3

[boneafide]

Or maybe you'll just go back home! If it's really here.

HOMEWORLD'S NEXT TOP MODEL

[hardnosed]

Ch. That's...

[ Actually slightly alarming as a possibility! Even coming from him. As little as she likes it here, as much as she wants to get back to the fight— ]

How do you know that's the only way out?

[boneafide]

Well, it's the way I've seen some people leave? Like my friends Gintoki, and Steven. What happened, I think, was that they were able to control the portal long enough for them to be able to send someone back! But I don't think it's too common. So, I think they can send you back too, they just need to wait for the right time!

[hardnosed]

[ The name whooshes straight past her without any recognition! Honestly, thank god. She's too busy contemplating something else. ]

And is there any proof that ALASTAIR succeeded?

[boneafide]

[ Now if he said ROSE she'd probably flip out. ]

...They aren't here anymore? Maybe the room full of mirrors could show me them, but that'd be a lot of time to spend looking for them...

[hardnosed]

[ Literally any Rose from any canon until she's shown direct video proof that it's not the same Rose... god help us all. ]

That only means they're not here. They could be in your space hole, for all you know — or maybe they never left.

[ jesus christ jasper stop trying to make alastair more grimdark than it is it's not going to happen ]

How competent were this Gintoki and Steven? What did ALASTAIR think of them?

[boneafide]

[ you keep doing your beautiful self, jasper

And normally, he'd completely disregard any potential for grimdarkness, but... He did recently go through Quite The Thing with that timeshifting event. Wound up being part of a very Not Great timeline himself. It's the only reason he gives pause, when thinking about this. ]

... Steven was great! No one thought anything bad about him, I'm sure!!

Gin was... different, and I thought he was a bad person at first, but then I just realized he was sun-deery-

[ No one has told him how to say Tsundere correctly. ]

-And it all fell into place, and I realized he was really a great guy! I don't think... I don't think ALASTAIR would do anything to hurt either of them! Not...

Not on purpose...

[hardnosed]

But if they only realized an error in the portal when it was too late, they couldn't afford to tell the rest of you that.

[ That actually fits in more easily, in her eyes. She's always down to implicitly accuse people who aren't the Diamonds of incompetence! ]

The last thing they need is a rebellion on their hands. So — they say everyone's friends were sent home successfully. And you buy it.

[ And all of this is a great distraction from the fact that she has no friends, so really this is a net win. ]

[boneafide]

[Stop making this seem weirdly legitimately and not a total conspiracy theory, Jasper?!]

Um...

[Well, he's sure someone smarter could argue against this. But right now, he doesn't have any idea how he could...]