futurology | ( video ) un: achilles

[As when storm-bruised clouds cast their dark pall over the sky, a harbinger of the torrent and tempest to come, so appears the countenance of Peleus' son. He is harnessed in the glorious armor that lame-foot Hephaestus did forge for him, and upon his head fiercely glints the golden helmet which once served as a beacon to the Myrmidons and all of the vast host of war-loving Argives. Like the thunder that is hurled by almighty Zeus who bears the aegis, his voice roars out over the network.]

Koltira, you whose heart is blackened with vile hatred! Hear now the son of Peleus, Achilles, best of all the Achaeans - I whose pride was rent by your blade when you did raise arms without first issuing a proper challenge as is honorable between warriors. I demand that you meet me in single combat, that I may avenge myself and slake my spear upon your blood. Meet me then to the east of the town ere the sun touches the far horizon, where it settles for the night into the couch of the desert - unless the worm of cowardice burrows deep within your breast to weaken your fighting spirit!

It is for this reason that I give my challenge in this public forum, that others may bear witness and hold you accountable to this duel. What say you, Koltira? Recoil not from the bloodshed you so take pleasure in! Long has my anger rankled in my breast, and long has my pride festered without salve potent enough to soothe it, for the cure lies only in victory by dint of my spear. Thus, today I wait no more!

[In the colloquialisms of the locals: This town ain't big enough for the both of us.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ah. She's not familiar with the term, but she can take a pretty good freakin' guess. That sort of thing requires a full response, not just absent shit-talking, so she turns to video so she's sure he can see her face. She doesn't look particularly angry as she leans forward; her voice drops a little, husky.]

You try it and I'll make you my gun-bitch.

These idle threats and rude insults amuse me not. You need not worry for what little virtue you may yet possess, for such a woman as this is unfit for my bed.

[Bitch,] I'm from Pandora. There's nothing idle about my threats. I will shoot your dick off if you come anywhere near me.

How fitting that you should claim for your dear native land a country named for she whose wretched curiosity unleashed upon mankind all manner of misery and mischief when she lifted the jar's lid! Tell me, are all among your race a curse to men?

Are you asking if everyone on my planet doesn't take shit? Because the answer is yes. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am Achilles, son of Peleus who in fertile Phthia keeps his noble house. Among the war-loving Argives I am peerless in battle and revered in counsel - yet here my reputation bears no more weight than a pebble kicked in the dust, reviled as I am for the traditions of my fatherland. Then what care I for the opinions of those who esteem me not?

[#maletears]

Yeah, you just proved my point -- we're all nobodies here, so treat everyone like they're your equal. By which I mean don't tell people you're going to make them your "spear-wife" and then go, like, "JK, you're ugly." [Get off Tinder, Achilles.]

Does a man treat his equal to insults and ridicule? If this is so, then I understand not what it is for men to be equal, for such is the abuse I have received at the hands of those who I am told are meant to be my comrades.

I mean, yeah? Do people not call each other out on their shit where you come from?

Among the Achaeans, when men are in disagreement with one another, comrade against comrade, it is well-spoken reason and not petty insult that compels a man to listen. I have met with disagreement from my own men before, and from other great chiefs-- Stones have been thrown at me in anger, and prizes of honor stolen away. But never have my principles, the principles of my fatherland, been so thoroughly belittled as now so many here have done. Thus I wish to listen no longer.

Are the... principles of your fatherland to publicly tell someone to meet you in the pit? [ok try to be less jargon-y, fiona] I mean, to dick-measure like this. [that's not better]

I mean. Is it a cultural thing to air your dirty laundry like this? To announce your issues in front of everyone.

( video ) un: achilles

i'm truly honored; video

i'm still laughing at this

it keeps getting better/worse

yikes

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