video; un: LILITH

[cashlin]

[In the midst of all of this pseudo-zombie terror, paranoia, and rioting, one woman alone remains firm, standing strong in the face of madness to remember the real universal importance of ALASTAIR's mission here--]

Well, ain't this an exciting Loverpalooza! Orrrr... almost Loverpalooza, I dunno what day it is anymore. I think the people on this planet call it somethin' else, too.

[--and it is definitely not this chick.

Lilith, rather, is perched on top of a dumpster in an empty alleyway with her legs folded, a paper grocery bag full of the spoils of looting in her lap. The crowds of Woodhurst, still in total uproar, are far from gone: the blare of horns honking, glass shattering, and men and women yelling unintelligibly just up the street is completely audible in the feed, but the woman doesn't seem to be paying them much mind at all. Not when she's grabbed her loot and made off unscathed.

Idly, Lilith rummages through her bag.] I didn't even get any chocolate! What a load of crap. [Instead, she's opting for a bottle of pills. Lilith presses the heel of her palm into the childproof cap and continues speaking as if somebody's car alarm didn't just yelp into life off-screen.]

Anyways, what're your plans, team? Ice cream and bad chick flicks at home? Fancy dinner, if anybody's still running the restaurants around here? A romantic evening punching rioters in the teeth with that special someone? Provided they make it out of this whole ordeal alive, that is. I know my date would've, but hey, he's not even on assignment here, so I'm shit out of luck. Open, you little bastard.

[With a soft noise of plastic clicking against itself (and a little 'ha!' from Lilith), there it is: painkillers are open. Lilith pops an ibuprofen and hops off the dumpster just as the sound of all the chaos grows steadily louder and louder.]

I dunno about you guys, but all this infection nonsense is giving me a real headache. So, hey: entertain me. I still gotta get home, or find a shop nobody's hit up for snacks yet.

[Just as Lilith's beginning to turn a shimmering blue-purple and translucent, she grins wide for the camera and cuts the feed.]

Comments

[silvercrusader]

See, I'd usually say, find some girl and make out with her, but seeing as we can't even kiss anyone without risking getting the world's shittiest STD.

[It's pretty admirable he gets all that out, given the way she'd started glowing before the video feed cut out. It's not that he hasn't seen weird shit, but he hadn't expected it here.]

So, uh . . . what the hell was that, huh?

[cashlin]

[Lilith answers a few minutes later, walking along a quiet street. It's quiet because the only people around are a few infected growling in someone's yard, and they're stuck in the yard behind a chainlink fence with their hands grasping out of the gaps between the chains like some kind of macabre petting zoo.

This doesn't super bother her as the last of the glowing aura fades around her, her natural color and, uh, corporeality restored.]

Just find somebody who's definitely not infected! Use your head, dude.

I'm a Siren. Doubt this planet's heard of 'em since we've apparently only got a few people who even know what Pandora is, but I promise you-- it's something awesome.

video | un: RHY5-W1NZ

[dbag]

[ Oh, shiiit!!!! He definitely recognizes the name, at least, and obviously she brings up Loverpalooza, and she's got those tattoos. He takes a second, then: ]

Hi. Hey, hi, you're. Um— [ God, how do you talk to vault hunters. ] Lilith. Right? Theee vault hunter. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

[cashlin]

You got it, hot shot. The one and only.

[When you get to be infamous on a planet for a whole bunch of things, having people knowing your name isn't all that out of the ordinary. It is, however, very flattering, so she's puffing up a bit at how tongue-tied this weird nerd dude is getting.]

Sooooo... since you know me, that must mean you're one of the handful of Pandorans that ALASTAIR snapped up. This is a cakewalk compared to home, right?

SORRY BEEBIN I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THIS NOTIF

[dbag]

Pandoran?

[ He wrinkles his nose. ]

Oh, god, no. I, uh— [ Welp. He knows Lilith and Jack didn't get along before, you know, Jack died horribly, so maybe it's not a good idea to say he used to work for Hyperion. ] I'm an off-worlder. But yeah, Pandora sucks.

video; un: vaughn

[moneyman]

Valentine's Day. Named for a saint. [ guess who read a book. go on, guess. ] Who did... some romantic stuff, probably, I don't know. Loverpalooza gets to the point a lot better, though, doesn't it?

[ he shrugs. clearly these people are the weird ones. ]

Anyway, hi again. Glad you decided to ditch the dumpster. Neat trick, too! I'm a little jealous.

[cashlin]

It does! [YOU GET HER, VAUGHN.] I mean, I could do some romantic stuff if I wanted, but you don't see them calling it Saint Lilith's Day.

Hey to yourself, stranger. [He might not be a proper Vault Hunter, but he's Pandoran-- ish-- which means he's definitely still gonna be alive.] My Siren powers've made getting around pretty simple. Though I guess people on this planet aren't supposed to see 'em?

video; un: mccree

[flashbanging]

Kinda hard to get into the spirit right now, sweetheart.

[cashlin]

That sounds like quitter talk right there.

Also, that's not my name: it's Lilith.

video; un: Evening Spider

[araigneedusoir]

[Of all the absolutely idiotic things to--]

I think that's the last thing on everyone's mind.

[cashlin]

Don't worry, that special guy or girl or whatever you're into will come around someday.

[unfazed. well, she phased. but she's unfazed.]

Anyway, none of ours are dead that I've heard of, so we should be fine. Chill for three seconds.

VIDEO, UN: BATSHIT

[slushfund]

I was thinking of watching some zombie movies.

(FUCK OFF HIRUMA

he does hold up a bag of weird chips, though.) If you're looking for snacks and ignoring the apocalypse, you can hide out here until I hit up the library later. I've been shopping for survival supplies neurotically for the past two weeks and have nowhere to put the shit I picked up today...

(this is actually a serious problem.)

[cashlin]

Heeeeey, fire escape kid!

[NO, DON'T FUCK OFF, GIVE HER FREE SHIT... SHE'LL BENEFIT FROM HIS NEUROSES]

Where, exactly, is here? I'll trade you some meds for food. I still have my own med kits from back home, so I've got stuff to spare.

audio; un: cardmaster

[fateality]

Yeah, I'm not expectin' a whole lot. Not for lack of tryin', trust me. This whole thing's a bit of a distraction for some people, I guess.

[Suffice it to say, Twisted Fate sounds quite put out.]

Not much to be done about it, I suppose.

[cashlin]

So you're sleepin' on the couch with the zombies, I take it?

[HA HA HA TF ISNT GONNA GET LAID

she isnt either but let her have the schadenfreude]

video; un: redlion

[secondnature]

Don't you think we all have something more important to worry about?

[Agitation simmers in his voice, barely concealed. Keith is not here for These Antics.]

[cashlin]

I'm lightening the mood! It's like you people have never dealt with wide-scale rioting before.

[not everybody's world is super extra, lil....]

video; un: fiona

[cachemoney]

[Who cares about anything that she just said, that is a Siren. A Siren named Lilith, which can only mean one thing, and Fiona tucks her hair back behind her ear as she tries to look cool and not at all starstruck.]

You're Lilith the Vault Hunter. Right? [OBVIOUSLY RIGHT, it's a dumb question, but she doesn't know what else to say. Lilith!! The Vault Hunter!!!!] Fiona. Also a Vault Hunter, incidentally.

[cashlin]

[aha.

Paying attention to Vaughn sure paid off.]

Vault Hunter and Siren, at your and ALASTAIR's service, Fiona. For now, anyway. [/PREENS]

And you, Vault Hunter-- if your friend wasn't just making shit up-- are part of the found-a-vault club, yeah? Been meaning to track you down for that.

video; un: PERIDOT5XG

[slapfight]

I have one question.

[squint]

...What are you talking about? Is this another Earth ritual? ...Do we need to appease more gods?

[dammit Elias.]

[cashlin]

Oh, you're appeasing something, all right.

[LILITH NO SHE'S LIKE FIVE]

Nah! It's a holiday for couples and romance. Looks like the name's different, but the sentiment's the same in this world.

[racking]

My only plan is to try to contain this riot so there's still a chance of a fancy dinner after the fact.

[ trying not to be judgmental, but lilith your priorities :{ ]

[cashlin]

[shiro you pure soul. she's used to and would have ignored judging anyways.]

Eh, it'll run its course. People will get bored after a while, and once all the good stuff's gone. Don't let yourself go any grayer.

text; un: hemlock

[unholey]

I noticed that you seemed confused about the name people on Earth use for the upcoming holiday, which is apparently something of a universal constant? What? Anyway.

On Earth, Valentine's Day is a saint's day, meaning that it's the day the Catholic church designated to celebrate the life and martyrdom of a man named Saint Valentine, of Terni. Accounts are muddled and unreliable, but they boil down to these two stories:

STORY A: Way back in the third century, a Roman emperor (Claudius II) decided that somehow unmarried men made better soldiers than those with wives and children. So he outlawed marriage for young men. St. Valentine continued to marry them in secret and, when he was discovered, was put to death.

STORY B: Sometime, Somewhere in the Roman Empire, our brave St. Valentine was helping Christians escape prison. Because they were beaten and tortured or something. Again, he gets caught, and thrown in jail and eventually executed. Bummer. But apparently before he died he sent a letter to a girl he fell in love with (some stories say it was his jailer's daughter) signed ~FROM YOUR VALENTNE~.

Coincidentally, February 14 is one day off of the once very widely-celebrated Roman festival of Lupercalia. Wow, I wonder what happened there. What a strange and convenient happenstance. Not that any of this matters because the current iteration of the holiday is all about spending money. It's mostly an American thing.

[cashlin]

[Lilith, who is back at her place by now, physically puts her magitek device down, goes to eat a snack and alphabetize her bullets, and returns to her device with this thoughtful reply:]

tl;dr