1 🌷 voice 🌷 un: sinsational

[predickamental]

Damn, smartphone technology really advanced while I was driving through Arkansas.

[She's not quite laughing at her own joke, but she's very clearly thinking about it. And who can blame her? Good comedy relies on kernels of truth, and Arkansas is, in many ways, similar to the Bermuda Triangle.]

What the hell did y'all do to New Jersey? I mean I know. I read the file. But really. It looks bad out there.

Little bit of business: I'm looking for an asshole. White guy, dark hair styled in the greasy millennial tradition, always squinting in a manner of general petulance. Probably smells like bourbon. Goes by the name of Jesse. I've gone through the directory and didn't see him, but he's enough of a fool to lose his own username, so I thought I'd ask.

There's another asshole who looks like he hasn't showered in about ten years and catches fire when he goes out in the sun, and I guess I'm looking for him, too, but I'm not as dedicated to it, honestly.

And the last thing: you, general you, the Audentes masses of seventy-nine entire other people, tell me where there's gaps and I'll start there. As long as it's not science. I get real bored when I'm not busy.

Comments

voice; un: OHNO

[nextlineis]

[Things that are a little concerning: someone catching on fire when they go out in the sun. There's kinda bigger things right now than that to worry about, but that's. Concerning. Joseph might be the world's worst vampire hunter, but he should probably ask about that.]

Can't say I've seen or heard of anybody matching those descriptions. [...He should really ask about that.] Though I'm not sure if I did see them whether it'd be a good idea to tell them you're looking for them.

[Seeing if she's friends with the latter or not is a good start. A+ work, Jojo.]

[predickamental]

I'm not sure it's your business whether it's a good idea or not. Unless you're friends with 'em, and they're both pretty hard to befriend.

[nextlineis]

Is that from experience or observation?

text; un: hemlock

[unholey]

Sorry for the mess, we're in the middle of redecorating. The theme is deconstructed country boarded-up window chic. Very open floorplan, holes-in-the-wall vibe.

I'm not sure who sounds more or less charming. Your Jesse, or your vampire (?) friend (?). Neither of those descriptions are familiar, though.

[predickamental]

. . . What are you getting at?

[nextlineis]

[SHITFUCK ABORT ABORT]

I'm just curious! You know, not everyone calls their friends assholes is all.

[predickamental]

It looks cute. (It doesn't look cute. It looks like shit. But it's in Jersey, so it fits.)

[✔] vampire
[?] friend
I'd throw him out of a plane, but I'm not a very good friend. I figured, but good looking out anyway.

[predickamental]

What do you call your friends?

[nextlineis]

[ . . . ]

[Give him a second. He's got this.]

[ . . . ]

Um, not assholes?

[??????????]

[predickamental]

You don't even call them assholes when they're being assholes?

[nextlineis]

Well, that's different.

[predickamental]

My friends are always being assholes.

[nextlineis]

[Finally. That only took how long? There's gotta be an easier way of doing this . . . But that's a pondering for another time!]

Then why are you friends with them? Sounds like it'd be a pain in the ass to be friends with someone who burns up in the sun.

[WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH A VAMPIRE???]

[predickamental]

[You could just ask the question directly.........]

The burning up in the sun isn't as much of a pain in the ass is his general attitude and personality. He's kind of a friend of a friend, I guess. I don't know.

[nextlineis]

[...Nuh-uh.]

You don't know if he's your friend, or you don't know if he's a friend of a friend?

[predickamental]

I don't know if he's my friend. He's a little over the asshole threshold, maybe. We're in deliberations.

text; un: cardmaster

[fateality]

Don't know about the people you're looking for. I don't think they're here.

More importantly, if you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on some of the people in Audentes we've left topside, that'd be nice. Some of us are trying to find who may have started this entire infection mess. Though if you want to join us in the sewers, be my guest.

I'd be generally more social about this meet and greet, but I'm a little focused at the moment. Apologies on that.

[predickamental]

Apologizing for being competent is pretty stupid, since you asked for my opinion.

Who needs looking after and where? Not that I'd mind going down into the sewers, but it seems like you got that in hand.

[nextlineis]

Well, if he's burning up in the sun . . .

[Vampires: not even once.]

[predickamental]

Can do a nice barbeque over him though.

[nextlineis]

[Joseph snorts.]

I think I'd still prefer hickory smoked over that.

[predickamental]

Seriously? You don't like that nice blood tang?

[God, what a gross thing to say. It's a good thing this isn't video because even she is making a face.]

[nextlineis]

[He crinkles his nose, and makes a disgusted noise. Blegh!]

Not in a million years, no.

[fateality]

A nice contradictory statement. We're off to a great start.

There are people quarantined at the school, and we have at least one missing person named Peter Parker. I'm trying to divide my time, but it's giving me a headache.

text | un: RHY5-W1NZ

[dbag]

There's a zillion people in the multiverse, you're probably not gonna find your assholes here, so. Tough luck. We have plenty of assholes to fill the asshole void. (Haha, asshole void.)

Science is kind of what we need right now, you know, since people are dying. Give your blood or something, idk. Literally who cares about anything else, everything else is dumb and the people who are doing it are dumb and you can quote me on that.