1 🌷 voice 🌷 un: sinsational

[predickamental]

Damn, smartphone technology really advanced while I was driving through Arkansas.

[She's not quite laughing at her own joke, but she's very clearly thinking about it. And who can blame her? Good comedy relies on kernels of truth, and Arkansas is, in many ways, similar to the Bermuda Triangle.]

What the hell did y'all do to New Jersey? I mean I know. I read the file. But really. It looks bad out there.

Little bit of business: I'm looking for an asshole. White guy, dark hair styled in the greasy millennial tradition, always squinting in a manner of general petulance. Probably smells like bourbon. Goes by the name of Jesse. I've gone through the directory and didn't see him, but he's enough of a fool to lose his own username, so I thought I'd ask.

There's another asshole who looks like he hasn't showered in about ten years and catches fire when he goes out in the sun, and I guess I'm looking for him, too, but I'm not as dedicated to it, honestly.

And the last thing: you, general you, the Audentes masses of seventy-nine entire other people, tell me where there's gaps and I'll start there. As long as it's not science. I get real bored when I'm not busy.

Comments

voice; un: OHNO

[nextlineis]

[Things that are a little concerning: someone catching on fire when they go out in the sun. There's kinda bigger things right now than that to worry about, but that's. Concerning. Joseph might be the world's worst vampire hunter, but he should probably ask about that.]

Can't say I've seen or heard of anybody matching those descriptions. [...He should really ask about that.] Though I'm not sure if I did see them whether it'd be a good idea to tell them you're looking for them.

[Seeing if she's friends with the latter or not is a good start. A+ work, Jojo.]

[predickamental]

I'm not sure it's your business whether it's a good idea or not. Unless you're friends with 'em, and they're both pretty hard to befriend.

[nextlineis]

Is that from experience or observation?

text; un: hemlock

[unholey]

Sorry for the mess, we're in the middle of redecorating. The theme is deconstructed country boarded-up window chic. Very open floorplan, holes-in-the-wall vibe.

I'm not sure who sounds more or less charming. Your Jesse, or your vampire (?) friend (?). Neither of those descriptions are familiar, though.

[predickamental]

It looks cute. (It doesn't look cute. It looks like shit. But it's in Jersey, so it fits.)

[✔] vampire
[?] friend
I'd throw him out of a plane, but I'm not a very good friend. I figured, but good looking out anyway.

[unholey]

I have a friend who threw me out of a helicopter once. I think? She might have kicked me. I was mostly unconscious at the time.

But when it comes to friendship and being ejected from moving vehicles there are a lot of factors at play. So maybe the important question is: would you throw him out of a plane to save his life, or because he's being a pain in the ass?

text; un: cardmaster

[fateality]

Don't know about the people you're looking for. I don't think they're here.

More importantly, if you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on some of the people in Audentes we've left topside, that'd be nice. Some of us are trying to find who may have started this entire infection mess. Though if you want to join us in the sewers, be my guest.

I'd be generally more social about this meet and greet, but I'm a little focused at the moment. Apologies on that.

[predickamental]

Apologizing for being competent is pretty stupid, since you asked for my opinion.

Who needs looking after and where? Not that I'd mind going down into the sewers, but it seems like you got that in hand.

[fateality]

A nice contradictory statement. We're off to a great start.

There are people quarantined at the school, and we have at least one missing person named Peter Parker. I'm trying to divide my time, but it's giving me a headache.

text | un: RHY5-W1NZ

[dbag]

There's a zillion people in the multiverse, you're probably not gonna find your assholes here, so. Tough luck. We have plenty of assholes to fill the asshole void. (Haha, asshole void.)

Science is kind of what we need right now, you know, since people are dying. Give your blood or something, idk. Literally who cares about anything else, everything else is dumb and the people who are doing it are dumb and you can quote me on that.

[predickamental]

[Well.]

You're accusing other people of being dumb after laughing at the phrase "asshole void". Seriously?

voice un:odinson

[deemed]

I have not seen either of the men you describe. [Don't adjust your speaker settings, he sounds like a subwoofer on steroids in person too.

After this unhelpful beginning (because honestly, he's been here only a couple of hours) there's a pause before he continues.]

It is my understanding that we must either kill or cure all those infected with the virus. If you will not be involved with the cure, then I suggest you take up arms.

[Science = cure, strength = smack everything in the head with a plank until it stops moving, right? Great logic.]

voice; un: redlion

[secondnature]

Hey, no one's killing anything. Don't suggest that to someone.

[Keith has no idea that Mr. Odinson here is new, even if he doesn't know him. He just figures that he just doesn't know him.]

voice

[deemed]

Then a cure has been found?

[Odinson's having a shitty life day. Don't take his grumpy tone personally.]

[predickamental]

Hey. Just so you know. I have a name. You can talk to me directly, even. Not to mention, I can make my own decisions like a real live autonomous human being.

So let's start again: nice to meet you, I'm Tulip, and you are?

[predickamental]

I walk away for two seconds and boys start fights.

[THIS IS SO TYPICAL anyways. Her voice sort of--twists a little. It's not exactly sympathy, not exactly not.]

Good looking out. You okay, mountain man?

[deemed]

It seems we are not to kill the infected. [He's calmed down since his chat with Keith the Unhelpful; that almost sounds like a joke.]

Have you found a role suited to your skills? [He can't kill anything and you don't want to do science. The two of them are going to be great help here.]

audio; un: ASCIIanything

[catphishing]

Does he actually catch fire?

[That sounds like an exaggeration, but... he just can't tell anymore. His life has got so weird lately.]

[predickamental]

He does actually catch fire. That, along with the fact that he's perpetually high and also fucking dead, make him a noticeable sort of person.

voice,un:julius

[viscontree]

I'll let you know if I see someone fitting what you've described.

By the way, would he really lose his own username?

[That seems a bit hard to forget. It's always relatively easy to find.]

[predickamental]

Appreciate it.

That was a little hyperbole. But not much of one. He's real stupid.

voice; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

You want the long version or the short version, Sinsational?

By the way, there's a lot of greasy white guys who'd fit that description, but none of them are your Jesse. If he's not in the directory, he's not with us-- i.e., not within the bounds of this universe.

[predickamental]

If you think I asked a question hoping for the cliff's notes you clearly think you're talking to an idiot, and I'm not one. Let's stick with details? Thanks so much.

I figured, yeah. I guess I'll have to put up with some other greasy white guy for the moment. [In no way will she do this.]

video; un: LILITH

[cashlin]

Sinsational. I like that.

Also, you looking to set fire to Guy #2 or does he just... set fire to himself? Specify the kind of fires.

[predickamental]

It's descriptive.

He spontaneously combusts. I probably wouldn't set fire to him 'cause it'd be a waste of time and energy when he'll just do it on his own eventually.