text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

man i was originally gonna bitch about finally getting my gaming handheld without any way to charge it but

we're like, literally in neko atsume right now so i can't even be mad

can we make cat planet our new home base, it's pretty much objectively superior to oska in every way
except the magic kitchen i guess

still
talking cat planet

[kagari has #priorities]

so, did anyone else get offered catnip
or more to the point, did anyone actually try it
because i'm legitimately fucking tempted ngl

Comments

[armigers]

[ Okay, he's squinting a little trying to figure out what that first emote is supposed to be before finally replying- ]

Zymandis? Who's he ...or she? or it?

[hedonistic]

ohhh ur new huh
there's files on the magitek about it but the tl;dr is basically that zymandis is the empire and ALASTAIR is the rebel alliance
except in this case zymandis wants to destroy everything instead of rule it

at least, that's the official story anyway
but while i'm usually all for ALASTAIR skepticism, that whole zombie apocalypse bullshit back there WAS caused by one zymandis nutjob as a test subject for wrecking other universes so u kno
the part about zymandis being bad news bears is pretty legit

[armigers]

[ Maybe he really should have read those files more closely instead of quickly glancing at it all. Figures there would be a lot of important information like that. ]

So Zymandis ...not a person but an empire. Got it. Any reason they're going around destroying other universes?

[hedonistic]

apparently they have a timeline machine that tells them to
supposedly when ALASTAIR was part of zymandis, they used to save universes but at some point TIM got a software update (???) and decided to go all agent smith on the multiverse

according to their files, ALASTAIR was not about that life so they ran away with an old prototype and now are recruiting us space refugees to the cause

[armigers]

[ A timeline machine is telling them to... okay. ]

So we're all here because of a glitchy computer program? Can't they just reboot it? Or turn the timeline machine off?

[hedonistic]

weeeeeeell
if we're going by the least conspiracy-theory version, we fell through a crack in the metaphorical floor of our universe and ALASTAIR fished us out of time-space and dumped us in oska and then since we have nowhere else to go, they figure they can put us to work

putting it to us as saving the multiverse really appeals to the wide eyed idealists, see
zymandis doesn't really give a shit what TIM tells them to do, they'd probably jump off a cliff without a parachute if it said they were supposed to

afaik nobody knows what's causing these "rifts" tho

[armigers]

[ That's a lot to take in and try to comprehend in a short while, but he's trying here.

Also who or what the hell is TIM? ]

Seems that way just from hearing people talk about it, but some people have left this place, haven't they? I don't see that many Audentes around.

[hedonistic]

[read ur files noct!!!]

there's like...eighty of us or something like that i think
we know that transfers do happen cause people then come back here from other missions and shit
supposedly ALASTAIR's version of TIM can point someone out as ~vital to timeline stability~ and then supposedly lloyd & co suck it up and open a portal for them to go home despite the Energy Cost

i'm not 1000% sold on that being true tho, mostly because we have no real proof that they actually went home and didn't get murdered or sent to some like exile planet for nuisances or failures at universe-saving
that one's definitely more conspiracy theory of course

[armigers]

[ Excuse him!! He was too busy trying not to freak out about being inter-dimensionally kidnapped to read the fine print. ]

I think I'll take my chances being sucked out of this place. How do I prove I'm vital to my timeline or whatever? Do I just bug this Lloyd guy?

[hedonistic]

u don't
it's all up to the timeline machine
best of luck being important enough to catch the attention of a millennia old magicomputer

[armigers]

[ Is there a non-douchey way to explain that he's kind of a big deal in his world? No, probably not, so he's left frowning at the written text. ]

Guess they don't respond well to favors either, huh? What's the longest anyone's been stuck on this place, then?

[ He wants to know how long he could be expected to be absent from his home world. ]

[hedonistic]

idk
it's been a few months for me so far
multiply that by the number of missions in the files, i guess

[armigers]

Yeah, real helpful. Could just admit say it's a whole lot and none of us have any hope of getting out of here.

[ Might as well get it all out in the open if things are that grim. ]

[hedonistic]

look i haven't asked around?
I'M pretty sure most of us are just going to be stuck here until we die but people tend to get kind of tetchy when u say it
so

[armigers]

Can you blame them? Nobody chose to be stuck here. Not like I'd have said no if they had asked, and it was temporary.

[ He definitely would have told them to wait till he at least got the Regalia back. ]

[hedonistic]

there's a difference between being legit pissed about being stuck and literally being defensive about how ALASTAIR's definitely going to keep their word and send us back
even though we have no proof that anyone who supposedly went home actually went home and didn't just like
get fucking murdered or exiled or something

[armigers]

Thanks for the optimistic reply. I'll keep that in mind.

You enjoy your catnip and all that.

man i did not realize i had him already say that last sentence before lmfao orz

[hedonistic]

look all i'm saying is i'm not prepared to trust them blindly, okay?
i don't think anyone should, but hey i'm not the boss of u lmao
otherwise i'd make u join on my wild catnip adventure :P

it's okay it happens to me all the time

[armigers]

Never did and don't plan on it. It's more worrying that you want me to try catnip with you. I may be hungry, but I draw the line at cat food.

ah, memory ....so unreliable

[hedonistic]

dude
it's not for eating, it's to get high off of since there's no alcohol
if ur legit hungry tho i could make u something
what kind of stuff do u like to eat

[kagari likes feeding people, shh.]

[armigers]

Wait what? Just like that? You'll make me food?

[ Well, if he's offering... hopefully it's nothing a.) poisoned b.) inedible. c.) all of the above. ]

Usually like burgers, steaks, grilled fish, rice, stuff like that.

[hedonistic]

why not? i'm good at it

[Tooting his own horn a bit, but...well, it's one of the few things he is legitimately proud of about himself.]

that stuff is easy

[armigers]

If you say so. Guess dinner's on you, then.

[ A decision he hopes he won't regret later. ]

onto action??

[hedonistic]

cool
meet me down in the hotel restaurant?

Handwaving is fine! I'm buried in threads atm

[armigers]

( ooc post: but I shall hit him up again soon. I assume the food was tastier and more edible than anything he can make, so he'd sort of approve, sort of think it's not as good as Ignis' )