video; username: 82736775

[ricksybusiness]

[The video is carefully cropped so 82736775's face isn't visible, focused at chest-level. A chest that is clothed in a nebulously green fabric, incidentally (it's a dinosaur kigurumi).]

Hey, what up. So a-a-apparently nobody else is sick of sitting around and waiting for fake impossible "magic answers" to land in our lap with respect to our job. Remember that thing we're supposed to be doing? About the freakin' endless darkness plaguing this world? Yeah.

[His hands come into frame, holding a beat-up metal tube with a bunch of science-looking shit stuck to it, like some lights and buttons and stuff. Maybe there are some exposed wires but don't pay any attention to that.]

This... is a telescope. I'm showing it to you in case you come from a world where they're called something dumb. Like a sky-tube or something, I dunno. Just trying to mitigate stuUUuuurr-- stupid questions.

I have an ass-load of these things and I can make more. If you're wondering how, the answer is I'm a genius. [He lowers the telescope.] They're all hooked up to my, uh... something I have; th-th-that -- that's not important. The point is, I need volunteers to take these things out to the highest vantage points around, aim them at the sky, and take readings.

[One finger goes up.] First, if you don't know how to look through one end of a thing and listen for beeps, you're too stupid to use these so don't even ask. Go hit some shit with rocks, that's pr-probably more your speed.

[A second finger goes up.] Don't use them to be peeping toms. This is science, not an excuse to be a gross purrrrr-- perv.

[A third finger goes up.] This all needs to be at the same time. In a few days, the sky should be clear enough for a decent reading across the b-- urrrp -- board.

Serious inquiries only. I'm not here to dick around. Name a place and I'll drop off the machine.

[The hand throws up the sign of the horns before the video ends.] I'm out.

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Comments

Video | un: pearl

[beyourrock]

[Oh things are adding up now. That username she had spoken to before about birds, and that kiss during the holidays... That voice. Pearl cringes, about to snap at him but...

This looked promising.]

I wouldn't mind finding a scientific solution about this. Even if your telescopes could use a little... cosmetic work.

Count me in.

audio;

[ricksybusiness]

[Yeah, sorry bout it, Pearl. Rick is not super great at thinking about the comfort of others.]

Ohhh, sorry they aren't encrusted with fuckin' diamonds. You know what I had to work with? L-lay off.

[beyourrock]

[She rolls her eyes.]

I would prefer it not to be encrusted with anything. At least for it to look presentable.

I mean, look at those exposed wires! What if they short circuit, hm?

[ricksybusiness]

Wh-what? [There is a pause here. It is possible Rick didn't realize there were exposed wires in the first place.]

Uh, it's a prototype. Don't worry about it.

[beyourrock]

A prototype with possible liability concerns.

[ricksybusiness]

So I'll double-check before I ship 'em out. Yeesh, what are you, professional buzzkill?

[beyourrock]

If you took a little more care in your craftsmanship, there would be no issue.

[ricksybusiness]

Oh, sure, let me just craft artisanal telescopes with wireless technology en masse out of scrap pieces I found in fucking medieval times. Great idea, Pearl! Why wasn't I thinking about aesthetics!!

[beyourrock]

You could always ask for assistance you know! I certainly know my way around electronics and the like!

Unless you're too prideful to ask for help...

[ricksybusiness]

[A long pause.] Are you asking me to ask you for help?

[beyourrock]

Not specifically me. I'm just saying I have some knowledge...

[ricksybusiness]

Urrrrp, uh, I'm sure you do. [Is that... condescension...] This is very technical work, though, so. Y'know.

[beyourrock]

I'm sure I can manage if given the opportunity.

[ricksybusiness]

Are we measuring our science dicks now? Hot. [He actually sounds a little amused now. gj, Pearl, you're getting on his good side.]

Look, I'll let you have one of these and you can fix it up howeeeeever you want. Really wow me.

[beyourrock]

[She's always up for a challenge. Pearl smirks confidently down into the communicator.]

Free range over your prototype? Good to know you're not married to it. Wouldn't want you to be disappointed with the improvements I make.

[ricksybusiness]

Baby, marriage is the byproduct of primitive biological impulses and our ingrained fear of dying alone. I'm not married to anything. [He's flirting. This is how Rick flirts.]

1/2

[beyourrock]

[Okay that earns a small smile from the Gem.]

Such bravery you have...

[beyourrock]

I ah, don't believe I ever caught your name.

1/2

[ricksybusiness]

Yeah. I don't know who's listening in on this thing.

locked;

[ricksybusiness]

It's Rick. Don't spread it around.

Re: locked;

[beyourrock]

And why not?

Are you wanted or something by someone else in ALASTAIR?

[ricksybusiness]

I'm saying I don't know who ALASTAIR's friends are.

[beyourrock]

[The gears in her head start turning.]

Are you some kind of space criminal?

[ricksybusiness]

None of your urrrrrppp-- business.

[beyourrock]

So you are.

[She rolls her eyes but waves her hand dismissively.]

Look, I don't care. When and where do you wish to meet so I can pick up your poor excuse of a telescope?