futurology | text, @TARANTO

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text, @TARANTO

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks

oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

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As much as halfway if you want. If you think you need that much.

fine, halfway head start, since i get a boat out of it

[ she's almost sure she can totally handle that. it'll probably be fine! ]

Alright then. Meet me outside the inn in 15 minutes! I know a good spot with less sharks.

great, get ready to lose round 2

Hah! It's not gonna be that easy this time.

See you in fifteen minutes!

[ She will, in fact, be waiting outside the inn way more than fifteen minutes in advance, even after dealing with Papyrus'... question. Thanks for that Ramir. ]

[ Ramir takes longer than 15 minutes, on account of what a terrible idea this is. This would've been fun like a year ago, why couldn't ALASTAIR and Nalawi and stuff have kicked in sooner? Unfair, man.

She heads for the inn with her hands stuffed into her pockets and her feet dragging in the sand, and purses her lips when Undyne comes into sight. ]

I really thought you'd have learned your lesson about competing with me.

[ that rings pretty hollow when she's gonna have a half-course head start ]

Edited 2016-03-30 17:20 (UTC)

[ If anything, Undyne is even cockier this time, and she has a better idea of what she's up against. She's not going to hold back at all this time. Ramir already played that card once, and it's not going to work again. Even at a disadvantage, she's pretty confident on this one. ]

Actually, I did learn something. I learned to not go easy on you! Giving you a head start is just me being nice, because I feel bad you humans all suck at swimming. Come on.

[ It's obvious she's already scoped this out, because she walks quickly and decisively across the beach, towards a little spot where the land curves around. At the right spot, there's roughly a hundred yard span between one point of land and the other, and the waters are calmer, and not too deep.

Making good on her word, she starts shedding her coat, vest and boots, leaving them on a rock. She could swim in the just as easily, but they would weigh her down a least a little. She said she wasn't going to go easy. ]

To the other side and back. I'm ready, so it's on you!

[ And just to press the point, she starts stretching out her arms and legs, just to show how ready and waiting she is. ]

[ She falls into step after Undyne unhappily, but when she catches sight of where they'll be swimming... well, that's actually not that bad. She'll never be too far from shore, and it doesn't look choppy. She was definitely picturing swimming 300 feet straight out from land, that sounded awful.

She comes to a stop at the water's edge, still eyeing it, then finally shrugs with a sigh. ]

Alright, let's do this shit.

[ And she'll actually have to try, that's the worst part, because there's no way she's putting up with swimming lessons. Ugh. She shrugs off her jacket and steps out of her boots, working down to just a shirt and underwear. ]

[ At that, Undyne's just going to turn and do her stretches in the other direction, in an attempt to be polite. ]

Uh. Yep! It's on your mark. So. You know, just start swimming and I'll wait!

[ God, what is with everyone and modesty around here, it's not like she's getting totally naked. She leaves her clothes in a sandy little pile and steps into the water, moving slow. Over her shoulder: ]

Hope you're ready to hang around and really wait, then. You can't move until I'm over there, then the race starts.

[ Undyne has seen the Japanese animes. She's seen beach episodes, she knows what happens when there are scantily clad hot babes on the beach: nosebleeds, and shenanigans. And she's interested in neither.

She does chance a sidelong glance over her shoulder, though. ]

Exactly how long is it gonna take you then?

I'm aiming for two weeks. [ She manages a quick, sharp grin as the water gets about to her waist. ] Shoulda been more specific in the terms, huh!

You know the tide will go out eventually and take you with it, right?

[ She hazards another glance, and finally turns to watch in full, putting her hands on her hips. ]

You're not gonna be able to walk over there, if that's what you're trying to do. I made sure it was too deep for that! Take a couple more steps and it'll drop right off.

[ It's deep enough that it's above even Undyne's head, but not by much. ]

Calm down, I'm gonna swim.

[ She pauses at what she can tell is the drop off, water at her chest, and takes a breath. Okay. This isn't hard. This is nothing to worry about. The water's calm, it won't be that deep, and for all their bullshit she's already sure that Undyne wouldn't let her drown if something shitty happened.

She waits just a few seconds more, then dives toward, breaking into a slow but steady breaststroke. She does, at least, seem to know what she's doing with swimming. That clearly isn't the issue at hand. ]

[ Could this be any more boring? Undyne is a woman of her word, at least, so she waits, bent over with her hands on her knees, watching as Ramir swims out painstakingly slowly. At a pace like that, Undyne knows she could probably lap her three times. She's wary though-- it could be a trick to get her off guard. So she just watches. And waits. And waits.

And waits. ]

[ God, she wishes Undyne weren't watching. It's that more than anything that keeps her going, when several times she wants to give up and turn back. This is stupid. It's stupid that even now she feels panicky and miserable. It's not like she hasn't been nearly swept away in flood water and fought through hurricane waves recently, this is way better than that -- but then, those times she hadn't really had time to dwell on it much. Now dwelling is all she can do between breaths.

Undyne has a while to wait; Ramir definitely takes her time, slowing down even more as she draws closer to that opposite shore. And when she finally reaches it, she completely fails to turn around and kick off the race proper, and instead climbs up onto shore. There's a jerky, angry set to her movements, the fuck this of her body language obvious even from 100 yards off. ]

Edited 2016-03-31 14:13 (UTC)

[ As soon as Undyne sees Ramir get up on the shore, she takes a running dive into the water, clearing at least a few yards with that alone, and propelling herself forward. With no effort at all, she gets up to her full swim speed, and crosses in less than a minute. Look out Michael Phelps.

She reaches the other bank quickly, and only takes brief note that Ramir hasn't jumped back into the water; she's not falling for the same trick twice. Except in the back of her mind, she becomes aware that there's no reason the other woman shouldn't have at least gotten started on swimming back to the other side as soon as Undyne was in the water, so she stops several yards away to tread water and look back. ]

Hey! We're having a race here, remember?

[ If this is a trick, she'll be pissed, but at least she'll have every reason to cry foul if it is. ]

[ Wow, okay, she knew she was outclassed with swimming, she didn't know how much she was outclassed. She'd watched Undyne's progress from a few feet up the shore, but turns away when she pops out again to keep heading up the beach. ]

Race is off on account of I stopped giving a shit. Swimming sucks.

[ She'll just walk around the long way to get her clothes again, whatever. Maybe she'll have dried off by the time she reaches them. ]

[ On the one hand, Undyne would really like to gloat, but something is piqued in her mind, and she can't tell what. She swims up to the shore and catches up to Ramir, giving her a playful nudge. ]

Hey, no reason to be a sore loser. At least you're getting free swimming lessons out of the deal!

[ The usual bite in her voice isn't there though; she's saying it because she doesn't know where else to start. Maybe it was just how Ramir was. Couldn't stand the thought of losing, decided to quit in a fit of rage. That conclusion doesn't ring true, from the few encounters they'd had so far, but there was only one way to be sure: passive-aggressive prodding. ]

That's off too, I don't want swimming lessons.

[ She doesn't try and stop Undyne from walking with her, but she doesn't look over, even ignoring that nudge. Ideally she'd just leave; Ramir isn't very good at being in a bad mood, and solitude sounds like a great way to wait it out. ]

How about we just pretend none of this happened, I think that sounds pretty good.

Why?

[ She doesn't clarify which part she's asking why to-- it's to both, though she doesn't expect to get much of an answer from either. She knows when she's being brick walled, and that's exactly what makes it hard to dismiss it as purely a case of poor sportsmanship, and also why she doesn't just throw up her hands and storm off herself. She's invested now, as much as it vexes her. She owes Ramir nothing, but... ]

Uh, I think I just said why. Because swimming sucks.

[ It doesn't matter which part the why is for, that applies to both. It comes without any bite to it though, she just sounds a little tired. She shoves around a wide palm frond, starting into the jungle proper to make her way back around to where they'd started. ]

Do a race with someone else, you'll have a better time.

[ Undyne has no immediate rebuttal to that (she can't really lie and say it was a good race) so she's quiet as she steps through the foliage. Since she has nothing to say for the moment, she walks along in silence, until they reach the rock where their belongings are still waiting. She slips on her boots wordlessly, and throws her vest back on, draping her jack over one arm while she still tries to think of something to say. ]

...yanno, you're not that bad for a human. I've seen worse, at least you made it to the other side on your own.

[ She's trying, she really is... ]

[ She's glad for the silence on the way back, if a little annoyed they'd left their clothes in the same place, and she doesn't have reason to ditch Undyne. Whatever, she makes it work. The struggle for something nice to say is kind of sad to watch, and she could mention that she hadn't exactly been going her fastest, but that sounds like another conversation she doesn't want to get into.

Instead, a little sliver of honesty: ] You were pretty fucking fast.

[ That comes with a half a smile, which fades out again when she glances out over the water. ]

Try, uh, what's his name. The dragon guy. He says he can walk on water, I bet he'd give you a good race.

It's called swimming and not walking for a reason! Besides...

[ In a decisive move, she takes her jacket and drapes it around Ramir's shoulders, the gives her a solid clap on the back-- maybe harder than she meant, but she already spent all her smooth moves for the week. ]

Maybe I like giving you a hard time! I still gotta pay you back for last time. So bring that back to me when you're ready, alright?

[ She turns to leave; not because it's poignant, though it kind of is, but because she's expended her ability to take herself seriously, and she needs to turn around before she makes a really stupid face or says something even cheesier. She's just not that good at this, it's way easier to get a stubborn monster to open up.

...she also just gave her coat away, and she needs to leave before she regrets it. She's seen enough anime to know how this goes, she'd feel bad if Ramir came away from this with a cold, but she's really going to miss her coat. ]

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heavyhitter - 2016-04-03 06:39 (UTC) - Expand

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