text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[ricksybusiness]

You do you, I guess.

Speaking of which, they do it like normal deer.

[heavyhitter]

wait what

[ricksybusiness]

Watch Animal Planet sometime.

[heavyhitter]

i know what normal deer do it like
how do you know what THEY do it like

wait better question are you watching them fuck or are you fucking them?

[ricksybusiness]

That's kind of a personal question.

[heavyhitter]

yeah i do those a lot what's your point

[ricksybusiness]

So none of your business.

[heavyhitter]

i'm gonna sayyyyy
fucking deers
i don't think you give a shit enough to watch
congratulations! you're an adventurous, surprisingly spry man

anyway that doesn't really answer my question though, i was asking about the sex toys in particular

[ricksybusiness]

[He's not denying it, so she's probably right. Whatever!]

I'm saying they don't use sex toys. They masturbate like deer.

[heavyhitter]

what only? ALL of them? that's stupid

[ricksybusiness]

If you wanna make it your mission to introduce them to dildos, they're pretty interested in humanoids. Just saying.

[heavyhitter]

oh no did you teach them that humans are really good at sex
now they're never gonna want to go back to their boring sex toy-less lives, you ruined them

[ricksybusiness]

I taught them THIS human is good at sex, anyway.

[heavyhitter]

alright here we go finally veering into visuals i didn't need

[ricksybusiness]

[Is it the drool, Ramir. Is it.]

Oh shit, you finally got your answer and now you're bitching? You asked.

[heavyhitter]

[ it's entirely possible ]

that wasn't my answer! you're elaborating in ways i didn't need

[ricksybusiness]

This isn't elaboration. I can elaborate a lot more.

[heavyhitter]

yeah i fucking bet you could, that wasn't a challenge

[ricksybusiness]

With those kind of hang-ups, you'll never find out about alien sex toys.

Anyway, I see you got tons of offers for interisland travel, so good job getting people's attention.

[heavyhitter]

i'll find out about the sex toys of aliens i actually want to bang how's that

anyway yeah see, i told you it works

[ricksybusiness]

[Wow, this prejudice.]

Apparently.