text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[boneafide]

IS HE GOING TO HELP YOU LEAVE THE ISLAND IF YOU KEEP HIS NAME A SECRET?

[heavyhitter]

eh he'd probably help either way honestly
it's the principle of the thing

[boneafide]

WELL, TELL ME WHAT KIND OF COOL THINGS THEY HAVE OVER THERE WHEN YOU GET THERE!! I'D LOVE TO GO MYSELF, BUT IF I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSTERY SCIENCE GRANDPA, I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO CONVINCE HIM TO LET ME GO OVER THERE TOO.

[heavyhitter]

but you DO know koltira right

1/3

[boneafide]

OF COURSE!

[boneafide]

...OH, I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING NOW!!

[boneafide]

HE'S THE SCIENCE GRANDPA!!!!

[heavyhitter]

no
what?
no!

oh my god

[boneafide]

IT'S OKAY. IT'S OUR SECRET. I KNOW YOU COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY PREDICTED I WOULD FIGURE THIS OUT SO QUICKLY!! I WON'T TELL ANYONE.

[ AUDIBLE WINKING IS HAPPENING SOMEHOW. ]

[heavyhitter]

godddd
yeah alright it's koltira
you got it
the science grandpa

ask him to get you to the next island over

[respired]

No.

[heavyhitter]

sorry frosty, this is your life now
i didn't pick it for you

[respired]

You obviously did.

[heavyhitter]

shrug
YOU try and tell him otherwise

[respired]

Why didn't you?

[heavyhitter]

it's papyrus!!

[boneafide]

YES IT'S ME!!

[ As if seconding Ramir. How can you say no to this face. ]

[respired]

Bal'a dash, Papyrus. I trust you are well.

I trust also that you realize I am not the 'science grandpa' under discussion.

[boneafide]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD WAS, BUT IF THAT WAS SOME KIND OF CURSE WORD, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL YOU TO KEEP IT CLEAN ON THE NETWORK!!

[ Says the skeleton who just talked about dildos in big capital letters. ]

THAT ASIDE, I'M FINE AND I HOPE YOU ARE TOO!

I DO HAVE A FEELING YOU MAY NOT BE THE SCIENCE GRANDPA. AFTER ALL, WHILE YOU MIGHT HAVE THE ATTITUDE OF A GRANDPA, I DON'T THINK YOU LIKE SCIENCE ENOUGH!

[respired]

It means 'hello' in my native tongue.

[ sighs. ]

I have no affinity for science, and my age is hardly venerable, besides.

[boneafide]

OH. WELL IN THAT CASE, HELLO!!

SINCE WHEN IS BEING A GRANDPA ABOUT AGE AND NOT ABOUT PERSONALITY?? I MEAN, IF WE ALL WENT BY THINGS LIKE THAT, THEN HOW WOULD I EVER GROW UP TO BE A GREAT MOM??