text, @TARANTO

[heavyhitter]

ok guys listen i got something i've been thinking about, no one's been able to answer it for me yet
check it out: deer dildos
???
do they use them? it doesn't have to be dildos anything sexy in general, that counts. i'm not buying there's any sentient sexually reproducing species out there that hasn't invented sex toys, so what do deer use. does it have to do with antlers?? i haven't put much thought into deer sex so i'm not working on much here, just tossing out ideas. lemme know, thanks



oh wait one more thing, i really wanna get off this island. i've seen everything and it's boring. these guys suck at technology right? and swimming. oh my god they're so pathetically useless

but WE are way better at both those things! so here's my proposal: we team up and use our evolved smarts and build a floating litter, or popemobile, or something, and get me over to the next island. good, right?? i think we can do it! we got science grandpa AND nerd granduncle running around here, and probably half a dozen other nerds i haven't dug up yet. we can do this. i believe in us. if there's any parties going on on the other islands, let's get me to them.

Comments

[dbag]

Uh, yeah, pretty much. I'm kind of great at that. AND I'm one of the few people who know what computers are, that's gotta count for something.

[heavyhitter]

it'd count for something if there were any fucking computers around
well something aside from me appreciating the shit out of you anyway, oh my god how many low tech bumpkins can you fit onto one island

[dbag]

Right??? THANK YOU for the appreciation. I, for one, am tired of everyone screaming at technology like a caveman discovering fire.

[ It's not the tech they dislike, it's that he lopped his arm off for no reason BUT WHATEVER same diff. ]

There may not be computers, but I have something better. ...Comparable. I mean it's apples and oranges really, ANYWAY it's a robot. He could at least fly over the water to contact the other islands. I think.

[heavyhitter]

can your robot carry someone else?

[dbag]

Uhhhhhh, you could try to ride him, but you'll probably die. He's got a heart of gold and a can-do attitude, but Dumpy's feeling a little under the weather.

[heavyhitter]

wow that's incredibly useless

[dbag]

Hey, don't talk about Dumpy that way! I mean, it's true, but it's also like... really rude.

[heavyhitter]

his name is dumpy


god that sounds fucking adorable i wanna meet him

[dbag]

You can meet him, but you have to be nice. If you call him useless to his face (eye...ball? ocular?) it'll hurt his feelings. I... think. There's still a bit of a language barrier.

[ where's the rosetta stone for the inhuman shrieks of his nightmares ]