《坂田 銀時》Sakata Gintoki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
naturallywavy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
futurology2016-06-24 09:40 pm
naturallywavy) wrote in futurology2016-06-24 09:40 pm
FruitsParfaitSamurai ✗ [ 2 ] ASSISTANCE FROM THE WORLD'S OKAYEST NOT-DAD
[ God, he cannot even remember the last time he addressed the network as a whole, but here is a video of one wavy haired samurai— eyes half opened as he stares into the camera. He seems to be sitting under a tree, and lifts a hand as a greeting. ]
Yo.
I’m sure all of you have taken a look at what we’re in for next. I know it’s annoying, but crap like this happens sometimes, and it can’t be helped. You think to escape another season and get off scot-free, then something like this… it happens..
[ A dramatic pause. ]
A baby arc.
Look, the best thing to do is just stay calm when this happens. If you get too nervous, you’ll just be throwing up. And we don’t need that— there’s gonna be plenty of baby puke as it is.
I know some of you are gonna mess this up because it’s nothing you’ve ever gone through before. Some of you aren’t fit to be parents and some of you should probably never procreate anyway. Like you’re the leftover putty that God didn’t know what to really do with and there shouldn’t be miniatures of you existing after your death. That’s okay. [ he just insulted a bunch of unnamed people casually, brushing it off with a “that’s okay.” ]
It’s important that we do this mission right. For those people that are stupid when it comes to care—taking, we will be offering our advice and counsel.
[ We? Who is the we he is talking about? Out of nowhere, he pulls this thing into the shot. Yeah, the purple haired blow up doll, which was a gift he received from ALASTAIR some months ago. His voice sounds calm and very polite suddenly: ]
We’ve been happily taking care of children for years if you need help before the mission starts. Thank you, thank you.
Yo.
I’m sure all of you have taken a look at what we’re in for next. I know it’s annoying, but crap like this happens sometimes, and it can’t be helped. You think to escape another season and get off scot-free, then something like this… it happens..
[ A dramatic pause. ]
A baby arc.
Look, the best thing to do is just stay calm when this happens. If you get too nervous, you’ll just be throwing up. And we don’t need that— there’s gonna be plenty of baby puke as it is.
I know some of you are gonna mess this up because it’s nothing you’ve ever gone through before. Some of you aren’t fit to be parents and some of you should probably never procreate anyway. Like you’re the leftover putty that God didn’t know what to really do with and there shouldn’t be miniatures of you existing after your death. That’s okay. [ he just insulted a bunch of unnamed people casually, brushing it off with a “that’s okay.” ]
It’s important that we do this mission right. For those people that are stupid when it comes to care—taking, we will be offering our advice and counsel.
[ We? Who is the we he is talking about? Out of nowhere, he pulls this thing into the shot. Yeah, the purple haired blow up doll, which was a gift he received from ALASTAIR some months ago. His voice sounds calm and very polite suddenly: ]
We’ve been happily taking care of children for years if you need help before the mission starts. Thank you, thank you.
no subject
[ She won't even argue that. ]
I suppose I could take that as a compliment, coming from you. Though-
[ When she hears "aliens" she's thinking of straight up foreigners. There were English in Asia, she knew that. Maybe other Europeans? She has so many questions! ]
I see. Do you like it?
[ The English aren't exactly welcoming to foreigners, she's never understood that. Maybe it's different for him. ]
no subject
[ Gintoki says, rubbing the back of his neck. He didn't stand against aliens taking over their country anymore like he might have done in the war. The war was over, they had won and Gintoki seemed to have given up on his hopes and aspirations that involved the life of a samurai. The entire war itself was a big failure, so Gin tries not to think of it too much.
Yet, he's too nostalgic of a person not to. ]
No matter who lives there now, it's still my home to protect.