VIDEO; 001 | ID: I CAN B UR DADDY

[moneyballer]

[The video feed turns on to feature a well-groomed man in his mid twenties, who at this point attempts to present his meanest mug to the network. He seems to think that this is actually a good idea, despite everything that went down in the desert. As far as he’s concerned, he has reason to celebrate- Asher, a mere mortal with little to no survival skills, somehow managed to make it through the meteor shower and protect the little alien he’s been assigned to.]

‘Sup bodacious babes. Homie-g’s. Haters.

[He does a little nod to the camera, playing it as “”””cool”””” as he can.]

I was thinkin’, since we’re out saving the universe n’ all… We could use something cool as like an intro, a theme song, y’know?

Something funky fresh. Like a fresh ass beat!

[He clasps his hands together, spitting into them with great enthusiasm but a slight lack of coordination.]

Yo, yo, yo, A-Milly in the hizzzz-house!

Milly as in a million, always stuntin’ like a-

[Asher pauses here, looking a little confused. He blinks once or twice, as if he’s trying to remember something important.]

Vill-i-ain? Um, I’m still working on the intro. Anyway-

[Clearing his throat, he continues on. The interference is probably making this transmission even worse (if that’s possible, can it really get any more embarrassing than this?).]

We up in here, we in the zone
Ready to take care of all yo’ homes,
Don’t matter if it’s outer space, cause we gon put them bad guys in their pl-AAYYYYYCE-

[He ends enthusiastically, but freezes mid-air. It seems as though he’s considering saying something else, but his shoulders drop and he shrugs.]

Uh, yeah. That’s all I got? But I think it has potential. Anyway, um, if anybody wants to like… Help me finish or whatever.

Hit me up, mothafuckaaaaaa.

Comments

[moneyballer]

Did you just... Did a skeleton just fucking talk to me?

[????]

Aren't you supposed to be dead, man?

[boneafide]

A common misconception!! I have heard humans know absolutely nothing about skeletons, so you are fortunate I am here to educate you! One- no, I am not dead! Two- I did just talk to you! Three- there is no three.

[moneyballer]

[Asher just blinks once or twice at the feed with his mouth hanging wide open. He casts a glance downwards before looking back up again. Honestly, he could say something really douchey, but this bag of bones seems nice enough.]

So wait... You're a skeleton-

[?!]

But you've never been human?

[don't these things usually come with skin attached like ideeeek]

[boneafide]

Not even once!! That'd be so weird!! Imagine, a HUMAN Papyrus!! At least then I would have hair!

[moneyballer]

[Now he's imagining a skeleton in a toupee... Thanks for that.]

So you were just...

Did you come out of another skeleton's vagina, or-

[can u not]

Do skeletons even have vaginas?

[boneafide]

What's a vagánia??

[dont tell him.]

1/?

[moneyballer]

2/?

[moneyballer]

3/?

[moneyballer]

4/4

[moneyballer]

[Asher is definitely Uncomfortable, but he's still gonna try.]

Are you shitting me right now?

Do you seriously not know what a vagina is?

[Oh, he'll tell him alright.]

[boneafide]

[You will probably face Someone's wrath, but sure.]

Nope!!

[moneyballer]

[if i had an icon for an eyeroll i'd b using it]

Um, okay. Vagina.

Also commonly referred to as: Pussy, vajayjay, moo moo, hoo ha, lady garden-

[He clears his throat.]

Et. cetera. It's... You know how ladies have, like, fleshy nether regions?

[Asher classlessly gestures to his crotch.]

It's one of the holes. Dicks go into it, babies come out of it. Wha-bam.

There ya go.

[How misogynistic.]

1/2

[boneafide]

...

This sounds like a human thing...

[boneafide]

Is this like the word...

[He drops his voice from YELLING like he normally is, to just a normal sounding tone. Which is how he whispers.]

Phallic.

1/3

[moneyballer]

[Asher blinks momentarily.]

Mmmm, kinda yes, kinda no?

So, phallic mostly means like... Dick-like. Like an erect dick.

Like a boner?

2/3

[moneyballer]

[haha

boner

and he is talkin 2 a skeleton]

3/3

[moneyballer]

[Anyway-]

But it can also mean kinda sexual. Just in general.

I think.

1/2

[boneafide]

Oh, I get it!

[boneafide]

YOU SHOULDN'T USE THOSE WORDS ON THE NETWORK, THEY'RE REALLY IMPOLITE!!!!

[moneyballer]

[......]

....You asked?

[Asher folds his arms.]

They're just body parts, my skeleton bro. Chill.

There's nothing wrong with talking about that kinda stuff. It's not like there are kids around here.

[what kind of horrible ppl would put children in this kind of place????? obviously, not these guys, they r cool right??? like ice cub e, the rapper]

tfw only 15 icons

[boneafide]

I don't know what kids have to do with it, but there absolutely are kids around!!

Sans told me these kind of words were private things!!

Re: tfw only 15 icons

[moneyballer]

We're not sexting.

[Here, Asher rolls his eyes.]

Relaaaaaaax, homie.

There's no pics attached.

[??? is that how u define sexting, asher

assman

asshole]

It's not like I'd send you pictures of my junk, anyways.

[How unncessary...]

[boneafide]

I'd hope you wouldn't send me pictures of your garbage!! Who even does that!

[moneyballer]

It's not g-garbage!

[One man's trash is another man's treasure.]

Ugh, bone-man.

[Asher has to pause, and visibly sighs. His shoulders move much like every other part of his body, exaggeratedly, in an animated fashion. The law student stops to rub his temples.]

Listen, I appreciate you bein' cool and all...

But this conversation is givin' me a headache. How about a do-over?

[Another long, drawn-out breath.]

What do you... Um, what do you go by?

[do skeletons have names...]

[boneafide]

A do-over... alright! Sure!

[ He doesn't know why they need to redo this, but hey, if Asher wants to, he doesn't have a problem with it. ]

My name is The Great Papyrus!