futurology | text; un: sai

i am a shinobi of konohagakure

[That's still the crux of his identity; it's all he was ever allowed to have before, and he's not really sure who "Sai" is, yet. But he again takes off his jewelry for a minute, trying to figure out how to arrange his thoughts. He hasn't tried to explain this before, even for his own benefit. Not even when he'd asked Danzou for permission to remain with Team Kakashi awhile longer.

Finally:]

i was placed on a team outside of root, for a mission
they held a desperate wish to save the life of their friend, despite his being a known traitor to our village
they were under no orders, no obligation to retrieve him
but they were prepared to throw away their lives in order to accomplish this
to preserve their bonds
according to them, i too have bonds i wished to protect
i do not fully understand, but by living among others like them, i had thought to seek answers to my questions

so i am their teammate, also.
i am now a member of ALISTAIR as well
but to me that only means doing what is necessary to return to my world and my village
we hold no personal connections to the qorral
so i did not see reason to protect them
i do not, still, but i do not intend to get in anyone's way, either

Edited 2016-10-11 23:59 (UTC)

[She waits, and listens when he speaks again. Even with the detail given, she can't fully understand his frame of mind, nor can she begin to understand the type of person that would raise someone so callously as to disregard human life as a whole.

(Because surely this must be a learned behavior rather than something inborn?)]

We're not that different here. We have bonds we also wish to preserve, our own goals that we wish to pursue outside of mission parameters. I don't imagine the Qorral are much different either, in their ways of thinking and the relationships they make.

[With that said...]

People will die, regardless of what we do. But part of being human [or Qorral, she supposes] is having a right to live, to have the time to form those bonds.

[She doesn't expect him to understand though, if he hadn't thus far. Though it makes her wonder..]

You've spent all your life believing you were nothing more than a weapon?

[How had he put it....a blade?]

[The same sort of person who has a person murder their entire clan as a means of preventing a civil war. Danzou is kind of fucked up.

Riza approaches it at a good angle for Sai, at least. Taking it out of the realm of morality and decency and conscience and couching it in more personal terms at least brings it somewhere that Sai can even begin to grasp at the edges.

But he needs a minute to process all that information, so he starts by answering the question.]

as far back as i can remember
those of root are orphans of war
i do not remember what my life was like before
as i told you, i did not exist in root
and i might as well have not existed before
sai is not actually my name
i do not remember what it once was

[That out of the way, he uh. Definitely takes his jewelry off again. Rewrites everything Hawkeye said all on paper so as to avoid exposing anything until he knows what to say in response. In his world, the seal on his tongue was enough to keep his secrets locked inside of him forever, but he does not trust this magic that can pull information out of his mind.]

we are...expected to protect the...potential for bonds? in everyone? i don't

[even though it's text, one can almost pick up how overwhelming that thought is to Sai. It's too much, too broad.]

how is that even possible?

[How does anyone function, if they are expected to manage not only their own bonds, but that of everyone around them as well? He doesn't understand. He can't even extend this to "humanity at large" right now. The scope of "everyone in the immediate vicinity" is already too large.]

how can anything be accomplished like this?

[The easy answer, given with only the barest hint of amusement:]

With a lot of difficulty.

[But that doesn't go particularly far by way of explanation, which it seems he needs more than anything else. If she could understand the thoughts going through his mind, perhaps it would be easier to explain, lay each piece out one by one. But she doesn't, and so forthcoming responses come slower as she tries to puzzle out how best to cover this topic.]

Even within all those bonds, people still prioritize some over others. They have to; it's impossible to protect everyone. That doesn't mean we [general we here, not literally every single person on team Audentes] don't try to protect as many as we can when the occasion arises and when there are no other conflicts of interest, but such a thing isn't always possible.

[Are things still confusing? Probably.]

It takes a long time to learn. Some people never do, or willingly choose not to.

[Y e a h. Confusing about covers it. But he much prefers having a discussion like this over the outbursts of meaningless anger he cannot hope to understand.]

is the current situation not a conflict of interest, then?
we would be endangering our own lives for the sake of those who would only impede our assigned mission
surely the team's safety should matter more than those we have little association with, and whom we are unlikely to ever encounter again in a few months' time

It is. [Most of them are, tbh.] To a certain extent, all things in life are a conflict of interest.

[But she's never been particularly good at philosophy, or moral debate. All she knows is what she's experienced, and those experiences are not ones she can simply pass to another person.]

If this is something you want to discuss deeper, it might be best to find another conversation partner.

[He'd rather hoped she would go on to clarify why the decision was so very clear to her, why this situation didn't count as a conflict of interest. But it's clear this conversation has gone as far as it can. So:]

understood

[Maybe he'll get that out of her one day. For now, it seems like he has enough on his plate to deal with. She's apologetic, but that doesn't carry so well through text.]

Riza Hawkeye. [Her name, that is, in case it wasn't clear.] If you'd like to talk some other time, you can message me.

my name is sai

[hence, uh, the username.]

do you mean about this matter, or in general?

Edited (oops iconfail) 2016-11-05 22:00 (UTC)

[Finally, someone who uses their name as their network username. (It's been surprisingly uncommon, or so she's found.)]

Either. I can't claim to be very good at ethics, but if you can't find anyone else willing to speak on the topic, I can do my best.

[But somehow she doubts he won't find anyone else. Nalawi had been in a disaster in every way, after all.]

[Sai has literally never even titled his drawings before, he certainly couldn't come up with a name for himself.]

i do not understand
i was under the impression that our discussion on the subject was closed?

[The implication of "someone else can give you a better answer than me" isn't one he's quite getting, honestly. She had been one of those who was angry, so he was interested in her opinion. Morality itself isn't something Sai truly understands, so he can't quite understand the idea that someone else can give him an answer about why she reacted the way she did.]

[is this a real discussion she's having right now....]

For the moment. Sometimes people choose to table conversations for a variety of reasons.

Have you always discussed every one of your concerns in one sitting?

generally, i did not discuss concerns at all
i received my orders and followed them

Edited 2016-11-06 00:35 (UTC)

There is always room to dissent, if you feel the need.

Whether or not the other person is willing to listen is another story entirely.

not in root
we are not meant to even consider ourselves capable of experiencing disagreement with our orders, much less voicing such a thing

Then consider it possible now.

Though you may not always receive the response you expect.

[See: probably this entire post.]

[Look as far as he's concerned, ALISTAIR orders are still ironclad. The only reason he's made this post is because he doesn't consider the request of the sheriff/mayor to be binding.]

understood
i will keep your offer in mind should i ever have need of it

text; un: sai

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groans i'm so sorry, work ate me

ALL GOOD, FRIEND c:

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