text, @TARANTO, day after the saloon fire

[heavyhitter]

hey guys guess what: blankets!!! me and TF to the fucking rescue, we rustled up like 40 of these bad boys
super cozy, some nice patterns. one of them has a robot wolf on it
it was also all entirely legal

they're ALMOST free, all you gotta do is tell me a story then come get one (i'm by those spiky ass fat plants that bleed if you knock them over)

also since i have 40 and there's more than 40 of us, i guess also pick someone to get cozy with

Comments

[heavyhitter]

uh huh
earn it, whatcha got

1/7 cw, everything under the unholy sun... don't read if squeamish...

[slushfund]

I don't know if you're from Earth, but we've got rules there.
One of the main ones?
Don't fucking eat another human being.
Seems simple, but a few people can't seem to hop on that particular bandwagon.

2/7 i can't believe i'm writing this

[slushfund]

And no, I'm don't cannibalize my own damn species often.

(throws the "often" in there for funsies.)

3/7

[slushfund]

Issei Sagawa, born and raised in the place I'm from, lived a pretty standard life with a rich family, got a job as an author, and (seemingly) didn't partake in anthing out of the ordinary.
Except that he fucked his dog and dreamed about eating people, lol, what you gonna do??
He wanted to move away to get his Ph.D. in literature and reportedly, on a documentary, confessed that, "Almost every night I would bring a prostitute home and then try to shoot them, but for some reason my fingers froze up and I couldn't pull the trigger."

4/7

[slushfund]

Fucker totally had a history of violence and attempted...
EVERYTHING, pretty much...
Anyway.

5/7

[slushfund]

Invited his classmate over for dinner, shot her in the neck, porked her dead body, then ate her over the course of two days.
Got caught trying to dump her remains into a lake, the police arrested him on the spot.
The kicker is, when he went to trial, his rich daddy paid the best lawyer and he got life in a mental institution.
However...........

6/7 it's too late now

[slushfund]

Some doctors declared him sane and said he was simply perverse and dropped the charges, so he walked out of the asylum a year later a completely free son of a bitch.
Sagawa still lives in Japan to this day, not far from where I live!
Like I'm talking a couple hours away — TOPS!

7/7 god almighty

[slushfund]

That's the end of the true story, I guess, and if you didn't like it then that's none of my business...
You didn't specify you had to.
Good thing, too, because I'm freezing my balls off and I'm ready for the coziest blanket you've got.

(rubbing an eye, watching his phone screen... waiting patiently...)

[heavyhitter]

first of all that's a shitty system, where I'M from if you're declared sane you get your ass shuttled over to prison instead
so basically it's your system's fault

second what the fuck that's a boring story. where's the spirit! the rising action, tension! characters to love! you get the cat piss blanket for this one

[slushfund]

(...........)

"all you gotta do is tell me a story then come get one"

???????
Nowhere in here does it state that you have delicately picky sensibilities.
Give me my hard-earned blanket.

[heavyhitter]

sorry i thought it was assumed that i like good things

you get your cat piss blanket and you be happy with it, or gimme a better story

[slushfund]

I'll take the cat piss blanket, because there's no fucking way you've been carrying that kind of thing around for the weeks you idiots have been here.
Say a cat pissed on it here and I'll call your bluff, I've seen only a handful of animals that don't shit gearbits.

Where should I meet you?

[heavyhitter]

uh oh looks like someone doesn't have all their facts straight
do you really wanna make this bet

[slushfund]

100%.
Are you gonna meet me, or are you gonna keep stalling so you can drink a jug of water and work up the fucking proof?

[heavyhitter]

east side of camp, spiky plant bunch
get over here quick so i can rub your nose in your losing bet

[slushfund]

(hiruma doesn't have to reply, he'll speak with this person soon enough. he's not far, which is to his benefit, boots marking up fresh-fallen snow that crunches under his soles.

when he spots her, the only one it could be, hiruma stands at a short distance. separated by more than a blanket's throw of now-white terrain. there is no way he's discounted losing, as his chances really are 50/50, and the last thing that's going to happen is getting a pissy piece of fabric wrapped around his head. no thank you.)

You fit right in with these. (motions to the fat, spiky, blood-filled plants........)

[heavyhitter]

[ Ramir is perched on a mound of blankets like a self-proclaimed king of the hill, one leg crossed over the other in perfectly calculated nonchalance. She regards Hiruma with a lazy smile, head half cocked. ]

Aw, so sweet of you to say. [ She lifts a pointing hand to indicate for him the one blanket tossed off to the side, crumpled and outcast. ] There's your prize. Go ahead, take a sniff.

[ The blanket in question does indeed smell like cat pee, to anyone brave enough to try it. ]

[slushfund]

(rather unimpressed with the setup, wondering which shopkeeper he could rat her out to to receive a bigger, comfier, far less disgusting blanket in return for his benevolence.

it's not a bad idea, despite the distrust it may cause the qorral in town, but that's not his problem. a hum, glancing down to the one covered in cat piss. hiruma reaches down, grabs an end with a gloved hand, and hoists it up. then, raises a free finger to tap at his magitek earring, getting her into in frame for the recording, quirking an eyebrow.)

Exhibit A, bandit with a pretty obvious mountain of stolen fucking goods. Exhibit B, (turns his head to film a shot of the gross thing he's holding,) hardworking blanket-maker to discover the tragic fate that befell this one... that should, frankly, just be thrown into the nearest fire.

(a look back up to ramir, letting the sullied thing drop into the snow.)

Thanks. I'll be off, now.

[heavyhitter]

[ She watches with interest, then a slowly spreading grin as she realizes what's up. Oh, that's good. Or it would be good, if the scheme would actually work. But still, major points for the idea.

She looks thoroughly unconcerned, one foot tapping through the air like there's some song floating by only she can hear. ]

You sure? Because that's sure as hell not gonna get you any blankets, and it's pretty fucking cold out here. I just wanna make sure all my teammates are provided for.

[slushfund]

I'm petty.

(simply said, earring quitting its glowing. hiruma turns on his heel, glancing over his shoulder. on second thought? he's circling back to grab the pee blanket up. this is his to wash.)

You wanna make sure your teammates are provided for, but give 'em garbage? I wouldn't act holier-than-thou with promises like that, despite your little throne there. At least you can't promise this piss-stained one anymore. (a lazy wave of a glove in the air.) I'll sleep by my fire.

[heavyhitter]

[ She was intending not to let anyone walk away with that one — or at least to wash it for them first if it really gets down to that as the last one — but now it's sounding like a really, really good idea to just let this happen. This guy's an asshole. She likes him, but he's an asshole. ]

Damn. [ She forces a frown on over her amusement. ] That's pretty fucking selfish of you. Now what'm I gonna have to threaten people with when they give me shitty stories? I'll have to wring Pepper out over another one.

[slushfund]

(hiruma is perfectly comfortable with washing his own blanket. first he'll find some vinegar.)

Save the pussycat the real weird experience of getting milked for its dribbles, maybe just talking to them might work.

(a wink from below.)

[heavyhitter]

What, to the cat? Won't do any good, she's a terrible listener.

[ haha she's hilarious. She shifts, plucking up a bag that's not too far off on her blanket-throne, and digs through it for a moment. She comes out with a little white plastic bottle, and tosses it underhanded down at him. ]

Here, use that. Works on anything.

[slushfund]

(staring up at her, then down at the bottle he lets land in the snow.

eyebrow.)

What, am I a charity case now? It's probably another bottle of cat piss you've stockpiled, so why should I trust that? (another question:) Besides, where do you keep magically pulling this shit outta? You carry OxiClean around everywhere?

[heavyhitter]

Oh my god.

[ How is one guy so difficult?? All she did was mock his story then give him a cat piss blanket. ]

I got a lotta stuff. I'm prepared. And if you're not gonna use it toss it back up here, that shit's a pain to make when I run out.