video; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

[The magitek's pulled back far enough to feature not one, but two members of Audentes... or, rather, one of them striving vainly to nudge his teammate out of the feed. It's the tail end of the struggle, though, and Kung Jin is fighting a losing battle. It takes half a second for Asher Millstone to shove his way into view, taking up half of the screen and speaking up before Jin can truly get a word in.

The law student looks more excited than ever when he starts speaking, and even lifts his arms above his head in a “raise the roof” sort of gesture.]

It’s time to get wiggity wiggity whack, yo!

Don't. [He nearly slaps a hand over his friend's mouth, but reconsiders, elbowing him back instead.] So, Audentes. Since we're almost all set to leave on our next assignment, it's come to our attention that not everyone here is from a world that people like Asher or I consider "modern day".

Whoa, you? Wait a minute. Last I checked, there was nothing normal about you, man. People in your world, like, rip dudes’ spines out through their mouths and crap!

[After he says this, Asher immediately turns from Jin back to the camera, and waves his hands emphatically in its general direction.]

Don’t try that.

[Jin casts a dubious glance at Asher and moves right along in spite of all the interruptions.]

Even if you look the part, you’ve still got to play the part, too. If you're looking for any advice or tips to blend in properly on-planet, we’re pretty much experts-- so let us know if you need a hand.

[The paler of the two pops up right behind him, leaning on the other’s shoulder.]

That’s right, baby! We’ll teach you how to be 90s.

Comments

[headlining]

[WOW]

H-hey! My haircut is fine! What's wrong with it?

pops in

[moneyballer]

You might wanna consider washing your hair, for one thing.

[#burn]

911 i'd like to report a murder

[headlining]

[!!!!!!!!]

Excuse me?! I do! You wouldn't know washed if you saw it, idiot!

[moneyballer]

I do know dandruff when I see it though.

[GO D WHAT A RUDE LITTLE B ITCH ]

You might want to get on that. Hey, they've got magical spells for just about everything! Maybe there's one for your lil-

[Asher gestures to his own hair.]

Sit-y-ation.

[u kno like situation, with the sitchy

nvm]

[headlining]

...If that was a pun, that was a terrible one.

[SO UNAMUSED]

Unless you have hawk eyes, there's no way you can see dandruff all the way over the network. What's next, you'll tell me I have acne on my back, too?

[Just...touching his head casually...just checking....]

I wash it every day, anyhow, I don't know about you.

rip keats

[pummelling]

[omg he almost wants to just let asher keep going??? this is incredible]

Now you're putting words in his mouth. Unless you wanna own up to anything.

he's so dead

[headlining]

I'm not going to own up to these childish insults.

[GRUMP GRUMPITY GRUMP]

Anyways, long hair isn't that out of style for the 90s, you know.

this icon is just disgusting

[moneyballer]

I've seen you up close, beardo.

[he knows that makes u mad keats]

And yeah, I guess the greasy look was kind of in. All you need is some frosted tips, and you'll be good to go!

[headlining]

My name's Keats.

[He huffs.]

Frosted what? Look, Europe had a different type of 90s compared to America, I hardly know half of the crazy things you Americans did.

[moneyballer]

Oh god, you're one of those.

[meanwhile, cue the fourthwall dragging:]

Wait, didn't you say you were from Ireland? Why the fuck do you sound like some half-assed British dude?

[headlining]

[somewhere, Richard Coyle sneezes]

I am from Ireland. What, did you expect me to sound all like - [He takes on a super stereotypic Irish accent here.] - "ooh, yes, leprechauns and wee little ones with their luck here and all"!

[And baaack to normal.]

Ugh, we don't all sound the same. You probably can't tell the difference between say, Welsh and Scottish if you heard it, because you all are just that ignorant.

[moneyballer]

I mean, you probably can't tell Boston from New York, but okay. Whatevs.

[guess who's a really salty new englander over here]

[headlining]

I've watched enough movies, I think I could accomplish it.

[keats....]

Anyways, what year are you from, anyways? Right around the millennium?

[moneyballer]

Yeah, I doubt that. Even people from California can't seem to get it right.

[His head tilts towards the side. That's a more personal question.]

Oh, you mean currently? When I left home, it was... December 2014.

[Right before finals.]

[headlining]

What?

[He's just...gaping.]

I swore that you could've been from, like, 2001, what with the way you talk.

[A pause.]

I'm from 2007.

[moneyballer]

Ugggggh.

[Asher makes a disgusted face, looking off camera.]

That must be why you dress like that.

[headlining]

What's that supposed to mean.

[He knows exactly what it means BUT ASHER???]

[moneyballer]

[Flatly.]

You dress like you're colorblind.

[headlining]

[HE'S SO OFFENDED??]

P-purple is a perfectly good color?!

[moneyballer]

Not with yellow it's not.

[headlining]

Oh my god, it's orange. Metallic orange! Are you the one who's colorblind?

[moneyballer]

Ugh, god.

That's even worse.

[headlining]

How is that-!

[UGHHHH]

What colors do work, in your stupid opinion?

[moneyballer]

Do you really want me to school you on color palettes?

[Because honestly, Keats, that would take forever and a day.]

For you, um... I'd suggest, like, greens. Something earthy, stick to olive tones. Add a little off-white to make it pop but not look too excessive, like a button down beneath a jacket. Plus, you're into that whole librarian chic thing, right?

[headlining]

I'm not asking for fashion advice, Asher.

[but you are???????? you hypocrite?????]

I'm a journalist, not a librarian. [He huffs.] Fine. Whatever. Greens and whites. I can do that. Doesn't sound hard.