video; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

[The magitek's pulled back far enough to feature not one, but two members of Audentes... or, rather, one of them striving vainly to nudge his teammate out of the feed. It's the tail end of the struggle, though, and Kung Jin is fighting a losing battle. It takes half a second for Asher Millstone to shove his way into view, taking up half of the screen and speaking up before Jin can truly get a word in.

The law student looks more excited than ever when he starts speaking, and even lifts his arms above his head in a “raise the roof” sort of gesture.]

It’s time to get wiggity wiggity whack, yo!

Don't. [He nearly slaps a hand over his friend's mouth, but reconsiders, elbowing him back instead.] So, Audentes. Since we're almost all set to leave on our next assignment, it's come to our attention that not everyone here is from a world that people like Asher or I consider "modern day".

Whoa, you? Wait a minute. Last I checked, there was nothing normal about you, man. People in your world, like, rip dudes’ spines out through their mouths and crap!

[After he says this, Asher immediately turns from Jin back to the camera, and waves his hands emphatically in its general direction.]

Don’t try that.

[Jin casts a dubious glance at Asher and moves right along in spite of all the interruptions.]

Even if you look the part, you’ve still got to play the part, too. If you're looking for any advice or tips to blend in properly on-planet, we’re pretty much experts-- so let us know if you need a hand.

[The paler of the two pops up right behind him, leaning on the other’s shoulder.]

That’s right, baby! We’ll teach you how to be 90s.

Comments

[achaean]

I will henceforth remove the decoration littered in my speech, erring towards how I would address a child.

[pummelling]

...You're gonna want to keep un-decorating, there.

[achaean]

This is proving quite difficult to achieve, that I cannot fully express my thoughts more compactly. Yet I have noticed your words are clipped and yet slung together as blended paints, and I will again make my attempts:

[ Somehow, anywhere there is a contraction, he has to pause to contract, causing him to sound like he's trying to talk over a mouth of peanut butter while drunk. ]

May we beentroduced, stranger. I'(y)m Patroclus, son've Menoetius!

[moneyballer]

[asher is chuckling in the bg because honestly this is one of the cutest things he's ever seen]

[pummelling]

[Oh no? That's adorable. Super wrong, but.]

Try this: "Hi there, I'm Patroclus."

And you might want to use name that's not Patroclus. No one in 1993 was named Patroclus.

[moneyballer]

Maybe try... Something like Patrick?

[He's cringing a little at that.]

Or Peter.

[achaean]

[ Okay ]

Hi there, I'm Patrick or Peter, son of Menoetius.

[moneyballer]

How 'bout-

[OH GOD HE'S GIGGLING BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING REFERENCE]

Hi! This is Patrick.

[pummelling]

[THAT SHOW'S NOT A THING FOR ANOTHER FEW YEARS ASHER COME ON.]

That works, too. Just cut the Menoetius: when we say our surnames in the modern era, it's "Asher Millstone" instead of "Asher, son of Millstone". Which'd make me "Jin Kung", at least in the Western order...

[heelies]

[Enter a familiar countenance in Patroclus' feed, this one lined with consternation.]

Must we truly leave off our own proud names and deny those borne by our fathers'?

[moneyballer]

Yes.

[Asher sounds serious about this, surprisingly.]

Nobody does that anymore.

[achaean]

But are you not the son of Millstone?

[moneyballer]

I mean.

[cue an unnecessary amount of face contortion]

...Technically?

[achaean]

So would I not say, in similar manner, that I am Patrick Menoetius?

--But then I must assume as well, that Menoetius is also a name uncommon to this strange land, and a more appropriate name might be Patrick Peter.

[heelies]

[His nose wrinkles and his lip curls.]

So strange a name as this I shall never remember!

[For clearly this is far more complicated than "Patroclus, son of Menoetius."]

[moneyballer]

Um, maybe go for something more like-

[Asher tries to remember names of his frat brothers, they were real! So those may sound more normal.]

Patrick O'Malley... Or Peter Simmons.

[achaean]

The way in which you construct your modern names is beyond comprehension.

[ Ok, deep breath Pats. ]

Hello, I'm Patrick O'Malley. I'm European.

[pummelling]

[elder gods if that isnt the best they're gonna get.]

It's a good start. We'll practice.

[moneyballer]

Eyyyyyy, there you go!

[Asher looks pretty pleased.]

Not bad, my man! So you might be a little old school, whatevs.

I've got a feeling we could work with that.

[achaean]

Explain to me the customs of these nineties, if you will, for the ones of Audentes are already so foreign to me, that doubtless these ones would sound even more ludicrous!

he's such a fuckin hypocrite fml

[moneyballer]

Careful with your language there, bucko.

[He whistles softly.]

This world may be different from what you're used to, but that doesn't make it crazy. Don't hate, appreciate!

[achaean]

I meant you no offense, only to inform you that for me this is not some trivial exercise. The differences I observe are seemingly unpredictable, and if I cannot find reason in something, I will not remember it.

[moneyballer]

Sure.

[Asher hasn't quite made the connection yet, and so he's largely unaware of the nature of Achilles' and Patroclus' relationship.]

You know what, though? If you'd like, there's another thing we could do.

[He pitches the idea with an air of hopelessness, but it's honest, at the very least.]

I don't know how much it'll really help, but would you be into maybe touching base every so often? Like, say, once or a twice a week? We could go over some of the things that confuse you and make sure you're good to go, and stuff like that.

[achaean]

I do not think that will be enough, but I will not request more of the time you have already offered to me. Let me know when you wish to meet, Asher, son of Millstone, and I will meet you.

[moneyballer]

[He nods quietly.]

I'll give you a ring when we touch down.

Best of luck to ya, man.

[Because it sounds like Patroclus is gonna need it.]