Video; un: zenyatta

[iomnic]

Hello, world!

[Oh, who's this guy?? Surely not someone any of you have met before!! JK, there's his username, slapped on the post like it always is. But this guy's a human!! Surely there's an explanation for this!!]

This is Zenyatta. If we have met before, then you might notice I am looking very different! If we have not, I do not typically look like this. I am typically an omnic- or as you might better know, a robot.

For the most recent mission, we have the assignment of "blending in" with the population. I thought this could be an opportunity for me to learn what it would be like to live as a human.

That is also where I could use some assistance. I am still becoming accustomed to human lifestyle, but there are many things that are new to me. For example, I have noticed there are certain rules about clothing most humans follow, but it was not exactly something I thought too much about as an omnic. I typically did not wear shirts, but it seems that this might be more of a necessity, as a human?

[As are socks. Shoes. Underwear.]

Another question I have- how do humans know when they are allergic to things? How do I run some sort of diagnosis to ascertain what I should avoid?

I am sure there are much more I have yet to discover, but some guidance would be appreciated.

Comments

[pummelling]

Fair. [Some kind of warrior omnic sprouted from the head of the father of all omnics? He can buy that.] But it's still weird. You actually look like you're younger than me now.

[... oh no]

Uh, yeah. Wear underwear. Every day.

[iomnic]

I am younger than you. But age is not a factor of wisdom, for omnics. We are all created with the same level of basic knowledge. Or specialized, depending on other circumstances.

...ah, really?

[pummelling]

That makes s--

[sorry the other bit takes precedence zenyatta please no]

Yes, really! And not the same underwear either!

[iomnic]

You seem very adamant about this.

[pummelling]

[flatly:] No one's taught you about hygiene. They gave you a human body and no one taught you about--

[WIDE EYES]

Zenyatta, you need to bathe too.

[iomnic]

I know I have to bathe, Jin. I just did not know the frequency in which one should change clothes.

[pummelling]

[SORRY MAN, IT'S A GENUINE WORRY...]

All right, then: aim for every day. Especially the underwear. When you're done with the outfit, you set it aside, until you have enough dirty clothes that you can wash them all in one go without being wasteful.

[iomnic]

I am afraid that is not going to work.

[pummelling]

...

Is it 'cause you don't own clothes.

[iomnic]

I own one shirt, and two pairs of pants.

[And no underwear. Even right now.]

[pummelling]

This isn't a video game, Zenyatta [lmao], you can't just wear the same outfit over and over and expect people not to notice!

[SIGHS] We're gonna go clothes shopping as soon as we get there.

[iomnic]

I have always worn the same pants every day and no one cared. Also, I do not care if they notice.

[ So what?? ]

I would really rather not. I do not like to own material possessions.

[pummelling]

[o yeah those robot pants u never fuckin change zen]

You were an omnic then. They might question it in Woodhurst, you know? Quite possibly, it'd hurt your cover story. What are you planning on doing, by the way?

You don't have to keep them when we're done with the mission.

[iomnic]

I will be working in a retail store.

... I suppose, if I can donate them afterwards, it would not be a problem to get a few more shirts.

[pummelling]

There you go. Just pretend you're borrowing them if it makes you feel any better.

[also, if anybody's zen enough for retail... it's zenyatta.]

You'll do fine. Practice makes perfect: you'll be a convincingly normal human in no time flat.

[iomnic]

[ It makes him feel... a little better? Kinda. ]

I do not think I will have to worry about "being given away" but I am concerned at "not quite fitting in." But we will all do our best.

[pummelling]

We all will. Besides, humans are weird. You've already hung out with enough of us to be able to blend in without too much of a problem.

[iomnic]

Are you implying you are not the very epitome of normal, Jin?

[pummelling]

I'm glad you didn't lose the sarcasm when you traded your circuits in.

[iomnic]

I have no idea what you are talking about.

[pummelling]

[h a h] Really. My mistake, then.

Anyway: if you have any other pressing human lifestyle questions, come to me. I was a kid during this era, too, so I'll sort of know what to do in that department as well.

[iomnic]

Would this mean that then I am your student?

[pummelling]

[laughing--]

Was only a matter of time before the student became the master. Kind of.

[iomnic]

"Should you find a wise critic to point out your faults, follow him as you would a guide to hidden treasure."

And so, Master, please do let me know if you see me doing anything too unusual.

[ He's laughing a little while saying this though, because he's still kind of a troll, even though he's being mostly serious. ]