text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

we interrupt ur regularly scheduled shitposting to bring u this public service announcement

i'd avoid the general area around the dollarclub if i were u
unless u wanna claw someone's eyes out for ur favorite energy drink, anyway - it's all gone to hell with riots

i hope u all have brushed up on ur zombie apocalypse cliches

ngl it's getting pretty intense over here
saw these two guys fighting over a crate of soup and one of them just shoved the other right in front of a car backing out of its parking space
blood and bits of brain splattered everywhere

kinda gets a guy thinking, huh? all that stuff about morality and empathy and compassion that's supposed to be so important
and at the first sign of danger, people just ready to kill each other over soup

i wonder what people in wakefield are thinking, right about now
probably real grateful for that quarantine keeping these animals outta their city
they'd never do anything so horrible, of course

would they?



would you?




p.s.: someone with a certain kind of priorities took off with a case of beer, but they dropped a few cans
they probably taste like murder and guilt, but well
free booze, if u want it

Comments

[hedonistic]

[Oh, Sasuke. You presume he's actually trying to be helpful here and this isn't just a thinly veiled excuse to unload some salt]

idk, do u tend to go to places that scare u
that might be a personal problem friendo

[beginanew]

Do you tend to stay away from anything remotely scary?

It could be actually, but that's how I am.

[hedonistic]

idk man most people tend to avoid things that could get them hurt/killed
but far be it from me to step on ur fearboner

[beginanew]

Do you?

Fearboner? what, exactly, is a fearboner?

[hedonistic]

1. when it's feasible, anyway
it kind of comes with the territory of my job

2. pls tell me ur kidding

[beginanew]

It's the same for me. What is your job?

Why would I be kidding?

[hedonistic]

my ''''official'''' job title is enforcer but what that actually means is i'm a hunting dog for my government

and u would be kidding to force me to explain boners
it'd be a weird moment and render my trolling ineffective

[gosh sasuke, naruto probably knows what a boner is, get with the program here boi]

[beginanew]

Sounds like you don't like it.

.... I know what a boner is, I don't understand the concept of a fear boner.

WAIT i read that wrong

[hedonistic]

don't get me wrong
it's the best thing that's ever happened to me
but that doesn't mean what i do isn't bullshit

and i mean, it's basically self-explanatory
a joke
they have those where ur from right

[beginanew]

Love-hate relationship then?

Yes, but it doesn't make sense to me. How can someone get a fear boner?

1/2

[hedonistic]

hahaha more like hate with benefits
the shittier cousin of friends with benefits

[hedonistic]

anyway
fine let's beat the corpse of this dead joke some more
i was clearly being hyperbolic
implying that being afraid was like a kink for u

[beginanew]

Your job seems.... Extreme.

...... That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

[hedonistic]

u don't get out much, do u

[beginanew]

That obvious?

[hedonistic]

i mean i don't exactly either

[#enforcerproblems]

but fearboners are an extreeeeeemely low bar for ridiculous, my dude

[the internet is a terrifying place, sasuke.]

[beginanew]

Gotcha.

...Do I want to know?

[hedonistic]

probably not!