text; un: shitpost king

[hedonistic]

we interrupt ur regularly scheduled shitposting to bring u this public service announcement

i'd avoid the general area around the dollarclub if i were u
unless u wanna claw someone's eyes out for ur favorite energy drink, anyway - it's all gone to hell with riots

i hope u all have brushed up on ur zombie apocalypse cliches

ngl it's getting pretty intense over here
saw these two guys fighting over a crate of soup and one of them just shoved the other right in front of a car backing out of its parking space
blood and bits of brain splattered everywhere

kinda gets a guy thinking, huh? all that stuff about morality and empathy and compassion that's supposed to be so important
and at the first sign of danger, people just ready to kill each other over soup

i wonder what people in wakefield are thinking, right about now
probably real grateful for that quarantine keeping these animals outta their city
they'd never do anything so horrible, of course

would they?



would you?




p.s.: someone with a certain kind of priorities took off with a case of beer, but they dropped a few cans
they probably taste like murder and guilt, but well
free booze, if u want it

Comments

[upshur]

[ He looks like a man who is ready to seize Kagari by the scruff of his neck and physically carry him out of this hellscape, by now. Instead, he reaches out and covers the younger man's mouth, pressing a finger to his own lips. The universal sign for "hush up, something bad's around us".

When he speaks, it's after he's placed himself strategically between Kagari and their surroundings - a defensive gesture, if ever there was one. ]

I told you that I was coming to get you. You're not hurt, yeah?

[ Their conversation DID happen, but Miles isn't the type of guy who lets abrasiveness and shitty attitudes get to him. He's no saint, either. ]

[hedonistic]

[It's perhaps a good thing that Kagari isn't feeling contrary enough to bite Miles' fingers, because that probably wouldn't end well for either of them. But that doesn't actually stop the sarcasm, even though he drops his voice into a lower register once he's free to speak again.]

No, dad.

[ah]

I actually had the common sense not to wade through a riot of nutjobs and potential future zombies.

[u kno, unlike u]

[upshur]

That's good, son.

[ Two can play this game.

Also, the last thing that Kagari wants to do is bite Miles's fingers. He's currently wearing one of ALASTAIR's cloaking devices, which makes it look like all ten are present - when they're not. He's tempted to take hold of the back of Kagari's jacket and bodily haul him through the street, but instead beckons. There's a route to follow, that'll keep them away from the bulk of the rioting. ]

Come with me, we'll pick this shitshow up once we're back to the apartment and out of dodge.

[hedonistic]

No, no, you're doing it wrong. It's "come with me if you want to live."

[Salt to memes in two seconds flat, look at this terrible cat you've adopted, Miles. It's the worst.

...He does follow, at least. Even if he winked obnoxiously after that joke.]

[upshur]

[ Judging by the look on his face

Miles has

never

seen Terminator. Because he's looking at Kagari as though he's grown an additional eyeball or something. He recognizes that it's a line from something, but the context and the origin are eluding him. What a sad, sad life he's lead without Terminator. He probably filled his free time with documentaries and foreign flicks, like a nerd or something. ]

That too, I guess.

[ ???

The route to his apartment is thankfully unhindered by rioters and/or the infected, and he hustles Kagari up to the third floor and shuts the door behind the two of them. There. Safe and sound, for the time being. Just to be sure, Miles locks the door. Checks the windows. And then he rounds on his shitty dumpster fire cat-son. ]

Are we done?

[ Meaning with fighting. Unless Kagari wants to go another ten rounds, now in person. ]

[hedonistic]

Oh my god.

[Even as he follows Miles, he has the trademark "dad you're so embarrassing" tone + expression combo of a teenager despite the fact that Kagari is neither a teenager nor has had contact with his parents in over fifteen years.]

You're not even from the Stone Age like half these guys, you have literally no excuse not to have seen that movie.

[does that answer your question]

[upshur]

I'm not really into the whole "evil sentient computer monstrosity" thing, okay?

[ Oh, the irony in that sentence. He knows enough about Terminator to comprehend there's, like, something big and intelligent called Skynet. And it reminds him too much about his personal circumstances regarding the Thing breathing inside of his ribcage to be comfortable with ever going through that rite of passage. ]

Do they even have movies in your time? You're from the future, or something.

[ There you go, Kagari. Big bad investigative journalist doesn't snoop the network for details about his teammates lives. ]

[hedonistic]

Boring movies, yeah. But you can still find old shit on the internet.

[Presumably that's where he found shit like Star Wars, anyway. Or maybe the 2112 version of Ebay, since they're allowed to buy things with Inspector permission.]

Guess it's a good thing we're in a zombie apocalypse and not a robot one, huh?

[Look at that sparklingly innocent grin there, as if he's not going to keep this knowledge in his back pocket to troll you with in the future.]