video; un: white_lotus

[pummelling]

[After a long morning of repairs, Jin's feeling chatty: he's taken shelter under the spontaneously sprouting tree in the Oska gardens and sitting with his legs folded. With an eyebrow raised quizzically, he peers into the magitek's "camera".]

So. How many ALASTAIR agents does it take to steal a diamond?

[you're not funny jin.]

Seriously. Seeing as we've all rested up and done our homework-- assuming that you've all gone through the dossier already [with all the intonation of the high school teacher who is definitely expecting you to stay on top of the readings, or so help him]-- we've got some work to do. We've only got a couple weeks to meet up with our analyst on Leramzen, get in, and get out with the diamond. I don't doubt we can manage, but I also know we're a pretty eclectic bunch.

That's a nice way of saying 'crazy mismatched', by the way.

I'm curious, though. How many people have experience with-- let's call 'em requisitions? A mission like this is familiar enough that I'm almost getting nostalgic here, and I feel like some of us might be in the same boat. [He huffs, in what might be the beginnings of a sardonic-sounding laugh.]

It might help us get our plans in order, but if you're sworn to secrecy or don't feel like fessing up for whatever reason... [he shrugs a bare shoulder, head tilting a little,] I get it. It's not the lightest of topics for everyone.

Comments

[hedonistic]

[There's a cutting retort on the tip of his tongue, so to speak--oh, really? well thanks for your permission, daddykink--but it's as if the magitek picks up on a hesitation, and doesn't send it.

Instead:]

that's great, isn't it
too bad ur boyfriend will
among his many other productive activities, i'm sure

[moneyballer]

Nah, he's not really mad at you.

[Not Kagari, per se. Moreso the sentiment behind his words.]

He just... Feels some type of way about all of this stuff.

For personal reasons.

[Asher is willing to explain in time.]

[hedonistic]

some type of way
for personal reasons

u kno
it's weird how all of u are obsessed with having Good Reasons for things
because the thought of being anything less than Good gives u a fucking existential crisis

me, i accepted i was trash a long time ago
life sucks enough without having to upkeep a certain level of purity in ur soul or whatever

[moneyballer]

[It is here where he gets angry.]

Okay, what is your fucking problem?

[Oh boy.]

I am trying to listen to you.

When did I say I that I thought I was better than you, huh? I don't care if you're not a good person, or what the hell ever. I just wanna know if you're alright!

[This is a personal sore spot, for a young man who thought he was less than dirt just four or so months ago.]

You're still worth something, even if you're not some big damn hero.

[hedonistic]

[There's something about that last bit that makes him laugh darkly on his side of the magitek. Worth something. That's funny.]

wow that sure was a direction u took what i said
but thanks for validating my existence, daddykink

why do u feel like u need to justify what ur boy said to me
it's because u want me to think he's a good person, right?
i don't get that
i don't get why ~being a good person~ is so important to everyone

[moneyballer]

Why?

[He is still upset, as he feels that Kagari is irritated by the very thing he is doing to other people.

Making assumptions that aren't quite based in real truth.]

You don't think there's anything about you that's good?

[But this?

This just breaks his heart.]

[hedonistic]

[There's a minute before his reply, because honestly? Nobody's ever asked him that before. He's actually never even asked himself that. It never actually mattered.

In the end, he doesn't know how to answer that, precisely because it never mattered. Society had no use for the morals of someone like him, after all. Finally:]

what does "good" even mean tbh
for how obsessed everyone is with being it there isn't even a single proper fucking definition, is there
i know because kou-chan reads like 5000 philosophy books back home from back when people used to write about that shit and none of those fuckers could ever agree

here's what i do know about me, though
i'm what my country calls a latent criminal
that means a machine scanned my brain and decided i was too dangerous to ever be part of their ~perfect society~
and i could either spend my entire life alone in a cell or if the same machine thought i was smart enough, i could go hunt down other society rejects and ruin their lives for the privilege of living in a slightly larger cage with with others like me when i became an adult

so u tell me
does that sound like a good fucking person to u

[moneyballer]

[Here are the missing pieces to the puzzle, the explanation he's been seeking.

If he were a more rational fellow like one of his other classmates, perhaps he'd be able to make better sense of this. But Asher is driven first and foremost by the beating of his foolish heart, which suddenly grows very sad indeed.]

Oh my god.

[This is why you are the way you are.]

I'm sorry.

[For the things he said, for making assumptions of his own-]

That's so messed up.

[hedonistic]

[And there it is. The inevitable pity. It's the part he hates the most, but some part of Kagari still finds it satisfying; there's a vicious streak to him that relishes that tiniest seed of power that he has, of whether to spare their feelings or make them uncomfortable just by telling them the truth about his life.]

man
that right there, that's exactly what i'm talking about

don't u find it weird, how i seem like less of a dick to u now that u know my Tragic Backstory

i mean, think about it
what actually changed just now
nothing except for the fact that u can now go, 'he's not a bad person, he just had a shitty life'
right?

but that doesn't change anything i said or did

and i'm not singling u out here, like, everybody has this same fixation on not being a bad person
even old man upshur back in woodhurst was like "the rioters aren't bad people, they're just scared"
like being scared changes anything

i am who i am
i don't need anyone to know how i was miserable and alone growing up, or that i haven't seen my parents in 17 years, or that i'll never know real freedom, for me to be that person, cause i'm not changing for anybody

same goes for jin
i don't really need to know his Personal Reasons for deciding to make himself feel better by taking advantage of some other team's grief to shame me for how i spend my time on the network
because 1) i don't care if he's a good person or not 2) u think he is, and my opinion should be fucking irrelevant to that anyway

[moneyballer]

[It doesn't change anything Kagari said or did, perhaps, but it explains everything.

Asher, too, understands that he is not a good person. He is done being good by society's standards, or his shitty family's standards, because those kinds of good just do not strike him as very good at all.

What is the point of being well-behaved, when that means keeping your mouth shut while other people get screwed over?

He wishes that there was a better way to communicate his feelings.]

How could they just do that to somebody?

[It sounds so cruel. Everybody thinks about doing bad things, whether they like it or not- A true judge of character, in his opinion, is whether you act upon those wishes.]

You didn't even do anything wrong.

[hedonistic]

[There's a long, aggressive sigh. This isn't what he wanted; once the moment of vicious satisfaction wears off, Asher's horror just settles uncomfortably in his stomach. He doesn't want anyone's pity. He just wants to be who he is and have fun. People in ALASTAIR never seem to want or even tolerate that, and it's tiring.]

it doesn't matter

[he means that literally; most of the latent criminals in Japan have never committed a crime. there were entire facilities full of kids like him.]

japan doesn't care about punishing crimes, it cares about preventing them
so they round up all the people that their tech says could be dangerous and lock them away for the rest of their lives
keep a few on hand for the ones that slip through the cracks and commit crimes anyway and to pick up the ones who started off normal and safe but slid over into potentially dangerous territory
and when we die off, new ones take our place (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

so yeah
maybe Goodness hasn't exactly done me a fuckton of favors

[It's hard to care about something when society has effectively defined it as the opposite of what you are, after all.]

private.

[digiorno]

When this is over. All this talking.

Do you want to go blow off some steam?

private.

[hedonistic]

[The advantage of text is that Giorno doesn't see his momentary surprise. He wasn't expecting anyone to care about his feelings in all this -- why would they? he's just That One Asshole on this team, anyway. He's well aware he doesn't really fit in.

But it's nice, anyway, the same way it was nice that time Reika apologized to him, the way Maya got upset on his behalf when he first told that story, the way Stiles lets him be himself without judgment. He smiles a little hollowly at the text.]

what did u have in mind, bro

private.

[digiorno]

I don't know, darling. Do you want to break things or shoot things? The only issue with the latter is I don't want to waste too many bullets.

private.

[hedonistic]

what about shoot things in the vr training room
or watch movies about people shooting things while getting wasted
i'm open to both kinds of shenanigans
possibly even one after the other

private.

[digiorno]

One after the other, then.

We might as well be the greatest delinquents we can be.

private.

[hedonistic]

i appreciate ur taste in poor life choices
jsyk

meet me in the training room in fifteen?

private.

[digiorno]

Noted. Both are noted.