TEXT | un: p.parker

[webdesigned]

so, its my birthday next wednesday

& dont get me wrong? not a big deal, i guess, its just a day, i forgot it even happened last year, but

thats the whole thing. ive gone from 19 to 21 here, that's longer than i ever imagined staying, which has left me thinking about how long ive been here

what was your favorite mission? what do you think youve learned, from being here? who have you met that youre going to miss when you go home? what moment sticks with you the most? or, idk, anything you wanna talk about. we always get stuck on the negative stuff,
& i get it, its easy to get stuck there

but there is more than that. & i think that its important for us to remember that.

so, i will go first, i guess. i think my favorite mission was zeta-12. definitely. the squidges are great and i still think about it there sometimes. it was nice feeling like we made a difference there and helped that species continue. if youre curious, here is beaker and scooter now.

( there's a picture attached of two full-grown squidges, apparently holding hands and puzzling over a plant native to Zeta-12. be glad it's text mode, or Peter might be getting misty about his alien baby. )

ive learned that there is no such thing as protecting someone from the truth. im going to miss my friends. i already miss some of them that have transferred. im going to miss my boyfriend, though he may or may not kill me for using that word and then i wont have to miss anybody. and... i think woodhurst is always going to stick with me the most.

so, thats me. im sure we all have our own stories. id like to hear them, if you wanna share.

Comments

[ofobedience]

[Well, for himself at least, he's always received the same answer, something he doesn't mind mentioning now.]

Whenever I've asked, they tell me the same thing. That only those who's worlds would die without them warrant the energy to be sent back. It seems unlikely, under those circumstances, that I'll ever be sent back myself. I play for the wrong team, so to speak. Ha ha. I suppose it's something I've come to terms with.

[He just sees himself as that irrelevant, and besides which, he's under no illusions in regard to his creator's designs-- She's an agent of chaos, a veritable incarnation of it, would be more likely to bring the world down around Her than to save it. And if he were to return he'd belong to Her as thoroughly as he ever did, until he was able to find the death he'd been looking for.

He's not going back. But vaguely, almost subconsciously, there's some level of relief in knowing that. Barely felt, but present nonetheless.]

And I suppose so, yes. Although the only changes I've ever known have been painful. If there are any other kind, I've yet to experience them for myself.

[webdesigned]

oh.
...huh.

( Peter isn't sure how he feels about that. would he qualify as something vital to his timeline? the solitary hero of New York, maybe, but... what does it take to be vital? it's a question he's not sure he wants an answer to, so he's not going to press it much.

because he still wants to go back, and has to hold onto the faint thread of hope that he will be able to, one day. )

hmm
maybe its time you made a choice for yourself. then you can make it a good one, right?

[ofobedience]

I've never been good with choice. It's not something I have much experience with.

[He'd always belonged to someone else back there, done his creator's bidding like the loyal dog he's been conditioned to be. And here...well. He's been swept along in the wake of things he has no control over. Hasn't made decisions, as such.

Something he ought to learn how to do, perhaps. But has yet to really try. At least, on a conscious level.]

[webdesigned]

now is a great time to start, then. you should be comfortable making all the choices you want.

( it's pretty sad thinking that Giovanni has no experience with making choices for himself. that's kinda horrible... and definitely something that should change. )

[ofobedience]

Perhaps.

[Never mind that it's still something that unsettles him, leaves him feeling uncertain and 0 more often than not - afraid, far too accustomed to following someone else's command to feel any sense of certainty in his own decisions. But perhaps, little by little, things will start to change.

For the moment, it seems a good time to deflect attention away from himself.]

Would you say the choices you've made for yourself have been the correct ones?

[webdesigned]

no.
often times they are downright horrible.

( see: woodhurst. see: gwen. see: most of his choices. still, Peter knows from experience what it feels like to be absolutely removed from choice, to reflect on ones he made beyond himself.

it's not someone he'd wish on anyone. )

but they were mine. nobody to blame but me, and
not all of my choices result in disaster

i chose to have fruit with my cereal this morning, for example. nobody died, so it was a good morning

[ofobedience]

[And yet, for Giovanni, there had always been a cold kind of comfort in ceding his will to that of his creators. A certain kind of freedom in slavery. Not a pleasant thing, never that, but it gave him the sense of being able to understand the world and his place in it.

The alternative is a frightening thing.

Still--]

Ha ha. Well. If we're going to count things as small as that, perhaps I've made a few of them, lately.

[webdesigned]

hey, thats something, right? start small and everything

i wont tell you that hard choices get instantaneous and easy. but once you figure out where you stand... then youll find choices make themselves. if that makes sense.

[ofobedience]

I suppose I'll have to take your word for it.

[webdesigned]

21 years of experience, soon, thats gotta count for something

good talking to you, man. if you need help with the choices thing, im around.

[ofobedience]

I'll bear that in mind.

Congratulations on your upcoming birthday.

[Is that the right way to put it? He really wouldn't know. Still doesn't understand why anyone would celebrate the day of their birth...but he knows that they do now, at least. Makes an effort.]

[webdesigned]

er, well, thanks.

( he's not big on his birthday, but Peter can still take a well wish. even if it might just be curtesy talking. )

[ofobedience]

You're quite welcome.